plastic surgeon. Just going to say it!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Went to the plastic surgeon yesterday and cried all the way through the appointment. i felt violated and it was not his fault. Pictures were taken of the grossness of my entire body and money kept coming up and what and what not he was not able to do for me. Insurance would only pay for a small portion of what I need done according to him. The rest is out of pocket. Which for me is out of the question. Everything in my life has gone out of control. The house has flooded. The bathroom toilet is broke and the washing machine died. I can handle all of these things but what I went through yesterday made me sick, really sick. Too know that I went through all of these troubles and there is no one who is willing to help me without big bucks in my pocket is horrible and somewhat demeaning. I feel like I have been sucker punched in the gut it hurts so much. I feel like I have no options but to maybe sell my home and move into a trailer but then I have to put thousands into my house to sell it because of the damage caused by the flood ( tiles broke and backed up right into the house). Extensive surgeries were mentioned along with the amount of work needed just to put contours into my body. I think he was saying I was gross and needed a lot of surgeries to fix me to look passable.

I can't stop crying I need work done on my bed sore scar as well and the other surgeon can only do some as he thinks I still have sponge stuck in there from some student changing the gauze before I left the hospital over a year ago.

I feel horrible and like the whole thing is way too much for me to handle. I should crawl away and look for a hole to climb into I am so gross....... I don't feel sorry for myself I just feel like I can't take any more of all that I am going through.

Just putting it out there and if you think that I take delight in this I don't I just don't have anyone to share this with and maybe someone in the WLS world understands my sorrow!

Edited September 26, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[auntjanny 289]

You are quite strong and outspoken on the boards. That is meant as a compliment. When the shock wears off consider how you would respond to this post had you not written it. In fact, go ahead and write an honest reply on a sheet of paper when you feel better and have a working toilet!

You certainly need another opinion in plastic surgery. Sorry for feeling demeaned. This is a hiccup. A big hiccup.

[finediva 979]

Were you let to believe that your insurance company would cover the cost of the plastic surgery? I read your post and felt your despair. But really felt so bad that you kept referring to your body as gross. I get that the surgeon may of had a lot to do with it, but do you really feel that your body is gross? You need a lot of support and encouragement now. Not just from the boards here, but from from physical contact. I hope this turns around in the near future. Best.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Countless other WLS patients have had it all paid for if the right words are said. the problem is that I have a problem with infection since I went septic so I am flagged to go to the best and get them to help me.

I did not feel that bad about myself before I went to him. but it was the way his eyes and expression changed when I took the coat off. He literally looked shocked. And tried to keep steady.....It was like a punch in the gut. He started by telling me that health care would only pay for a little bit of it. 1 procedure. But others have had all of it covered. Then he mentioned extensive just to get curvature in my body.

No he never said gross. But I could tell by the way he used his 2 fingers working my body that it was like picking up a snot rag and tossing it into the trash. His face mirrored the same look. It was horrible.

My husband said that he and his secretary kept taking peaks at him. He thinks they were checking him out to see if we had money.

I did not even get out of the building before I collapsed and sobbed.

I phoned my team this morning and the nurse started to cry as I told her what happened. She says I need another opinion. which is fine but what if the new surgeon sees me the same way. Can my opinion of myself take the abuse.

3 days a go I was told by 3 different people that I looked like a model. And yesterday. A look of pure disgust was on this mans face.

Yes if it were someone else I would have lots to say and try to be helpful. I can't possibly have the right thinking all the time. Like everyone else on this board I have a right to be sad about what has happened and the time to get over it...

Thanks @@auntjanny @@finediva

Edited September 26, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[GummyTummy 154]

RJ,

You have to remember what those guys are looking at about 80-90 % of the time. "Hi, I am a middle age suburban Mom that has breasts that aren't quite as high as they were the day I turned 18" or " Hi, I'd like to paralyze my face so no one knows I am 32." Unfortunately, they typically aim for cosmetic surgery as opposed to plastics to actually repair damage. In addition, they are human and while you are not gross or grotesque as a person, we can all be objective in looking at the changes and damage we have caused to our bodies with obesity. As much as you may have felt judged by him, perhaps you are missing the mark since it was likely the first time you met him.; some people look pissed when they are in deep thought, some look happy when they are about to kill a bunny...perhaps you misread his expression. If you didn't and he is a giant douche, there are plenty of other doctors out there that would love to help you. Unfortunately, its just like the weight loss, A LOT OF WORK to find the right one. I am sorry about your other situations and for saying this if you aren't religious and it bothers you, but when things really hit the fan, I think about Christ, about the walk he took with the cross he was crucified on, the shame - hurt - and betrayal / hopelessness he must have felt being on display and abandoned by his father, then I think about my issues and they don't seem as large. Beyond that, your spirit is beautiful, no matter what it is packaged in. I have read your posts on here and they are helpful, lovely, and honest - may your body soon reflect what you need it to, but you have the hardest part of life worked out already. Being a fantastic person, that no plastic surgery can morph someone in to.

Best wishes

[AvaFern 3,516]

I have always enjoyed reading your posts and I am so sad for you that you had such a jerk plastic surgeon! I just had plastics last month and I met with my surgeon in June and he never once made me feel like I was gross or anything at all negative. He has very much let me dictate what I was concerned about and offered solutions based on my issues- I cannot imagine him ever acting like your surgeon did! Also, while I am fortunate in that I was able to pay for the entire procedure out of pocket (insurance would not have paid for any of mine), my doctor has actually suggested less expensive procedures than I originally wanted. He even completed a few things during surgery that he didn't bill me for. I still have one more procedure left in November, and while he could have sold me on a few more things, there was never once any pressure or even suggestion that I should have more done than I had asked about.

Your surgeon is an unprofessional ass and an office that has a culture that revolves around money is not an office that is likely doing very well financially. I'm pretty sure my doctor does very well financially, but it's because he is SO super nice and laid back and the entire office makes you feel like you matter. You should never have to work with a PS that does not make you feel happy and excited about the procedure, let alone one that makes you feel downright awful!

If you live anywhere in the Southeast part of the country, send me a message and I will send you my doctor's info. He's rated as one of the best in the country and people travel from all over for his reconstruction work with cancer patients. He did a beautiful job with my surgeries, but most also importantly, he doesn't make me feel like I am a wrinkly, ugly, extra skin, stretched out tube sock that I sort of was before surgery. My doctor is awesome and you should not even consider settling until you find a PS that makes you feel like the wonderful person you are.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I did not have an issue telling him that I just wanted the lower body lift and the mid section tucked as well. I said I would worry about the rest down the road. Meaning my breasts and maybe arms and legs. I can live with them. i won't wear shorts and I can always wear long sleeves. I chose the parts that can cause serious health issues with rashes and open sores in the future as have in the past.

It was he who looked at me and said oh no you need extensive work just to get curvature. Then he explained everything I needed. I felt worse and worse and worse as he talked like I knew nothing about what I wanted. I never wanted to look like Barbie. That is not my thing. I just want the issues that can cause issues to be worked on.

I live in Canada. And the health care system is a different kettle of fish compared to the States or anywhere else. We are not up to the quality of service here. When you do get someone who is great you hang on with dear life.

Most are not that great because there are only a few in each area. So choosing is a problem. We will see what happens. I am sorry if I said too much or scared anyone. Or made it seem as if I think what happened to me is more then what happened to Jesus. I have no idea how you can compare the two.

This is a forum and thread that is talking about my issue with my plastic surgeon. Not what I feel about Christ. That is my business.

I am getting tired of all the crap that I have had to deal with and it is wearing on me. And now that I am finally to a point where something can be done to put this behind me and I can maybe move on with my life is important to me. If you don't think it is important to get to a point where you can live your life, without something else going wrong: then I think that you are a much stronger person then me. Trust me..I know there are other things to deal with.....I'm doing my best..I just feel like I have yet another hard long battle on my hands when I was really hoping I would finally be on the other side.

[MisforMimi 760]

Wow! It sounds like you have a lot going in your personal/family life that is going to be costly. It also sounds like this may not have been the time to look into plastic surgery, AND you totally didn't deserve that kind of treatment regardless of cost. What I didn't hear (trying to read between the lines) is any self-care going on. Time you you relax and unwind like a massage, pedicure, a mini spa day with a girlfriend. Sounds like you've had it up to here and need some serious decompression and "me time.". Nothing short of a miracle occurred in in your life and body....Try and regroup and see someone else that comes recommended by people you can trust.

[auntjanny 289]

Wow, RJ, rotten reply on your end to Gummy Tummy. You are open and honest. But defensive and unkind. Gummy Tummy was offering support, not judgement.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I don't begrudge anything I have done or what I have done for others. Here or anywhere else. I was just so taken back by it all and the pain was the worst I have ever felt and that includes being abused about being obese in the past.

I have to wait as he is not for me that is sure. I just was really really looking forward to this part. Where you know ( your gonna make it after all ) feeling. It is hard to explain.

Since 2000 my life has been on a down hill spiral and I was so excited to get to this place finally. And like everything else I will have to fight, fight and fight some more to get it done.

You know I may never be able to ride a bike, a horse, go kayaking, travel more then 3 hours by car. Go skating or hiking so many things are on hold and may never get fixed. I found that out on Tuesday, Wed. I found out that my ulcer has healed and then Thursday I got this news. 1 out of 3 is not good odds.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Wow, RJ, rotten reply on your end to Gummy Tummy. You are open and honest. But defensive and unkind. Gummy Tummy was offering support, not judgement.

I am sorry that I did not use a gentle tone on this thread. I am not perfect. I truly am not! I just feel out of control and so hurt and in so much pain that I spoke first. Sorry @@GummyTummy

[Andrew0929 1,102]

RJ

Don't ever apologize for venting in here. We're here for you as you've always been here for us. You've had to endure way more BS than most and that's not fair.

While things may not work out with the plastics, think about your weight loss successes. Don't let this plastic surgeon get to you. Based on his behavior you should probably avoid him anyway ...

Andrew

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Thank you @@Andrew0929 I am proud of what I have accomplished and never expected to get this far. Seems when I do open up on here I get it with both barrels. I think everyone sees me in one dimension sometimes.

I just really want to complete this ride and get to focus on the fun part. Seems something always gets in my way!

Thank you again Andrew, means a lot!

[Yankee_Girl 7]

Countless other WLS patients have had it all paid for if the right words are said. the problem is that I have a problem with infection since I went septic so I am flagged to go to the best and get them to help me.

I did not feel that bad about myself before I went to him. but it was the way his eyes and expression changed when I took the coat off. He literally looked shocked. And tried to keep steady.....It was like a punch in the gut. He started by telling me that health care would only pay for a little bit of it. 1 procedure. But others have had all of it covered. Then he mentioned extensive just to get curvature in my body.

No he never said gross. But I could tell by the way he used his 2 fingers working my body that it was like picking up a snot rag and tossing it into the trash. His face mirrored the same look. It was horrible.

My husband said that he and his secretary kept taking peaks at him. He thinks they were checking him out to see if we had money.

I did not even get out of the building before I collapsed and sobbed.

I phoned my team this morning and the nurse started to cry as I told her what happened. She says I need another opinion. which is fine but what if the new surgeon sees me the same way. Can my opinion of myself take the abuse.

3 days a go I was told by 33 different people that I looked like a model. And yesterday. A look of pure disgust was on this mans face.

Yes if it were someone else I would have lots to say and try to be helpful. I can't possibly have the right thinking all the time. Like everyone else on this board I have a right to be sad about what has happened and the time to get over it...

Thanks @@auntjanny @@finediva

I am so sorry for your experience with the surgeon. He is obviously not the right doctor for you. Their are many more out there and you should not settle. Find someone that makes you feel confident. Our providers are a huge part of our journey. If they don't make us feel comfortable, they are not the right one.

Know that you have worked your butt off for your body. Don't let someone else belittle that hard work. Best of luck.

[Chrystee 838]

Was this guy recommended by your bariatric surgeon?? Our office has a plastic surgeon on staff! I would find one that is connected to a bariatric center.