One year -- then and now

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Tuesday one year ago I met with my surgeon for the first time. What a wonderful year I have had for health and rediscovering me.

For those of you just starting out, you may feel like I did that your surgery is too far in the future and waiting all those months will be unbearable. When I first started to research WLS in September, I thought I might be able to have surgery before Christmas. Ha ha ha. Not only was it not before Christmas, but it didn't actually happen until March. And you know what? I needed every single day of that time period between September and March to prepare myself for this enormous life change.

First, I met with my clearing psychologist. And I didn't get cleared! Nope. I needed to change my habit of eating in front of the TV. Until I did that, the psychologist was not going to clear me for surgery. He told me that I needed to make lifestyle changes. When I first heard that, of course I said, sure! Everybody knows you need to make lifestyle changes! But when I went back to him the following month for clearance, and I told him I had not been exactly able to give up TV eating, he told me point blank that he didn't think I was ready for WLS. He told me that unless I actually made the lifestyle changes, I was not likely to succeed with the LapBand.

Of course, he was right. I'm glad that my little wake up call was so minor, and not a bigger deal, like if I had been denied surgery at the last minute. His denial made me face facts. How was I going to live in a new way, if I wasn't even willing to change a little bit?

After I gave up TV eating, the next hurdle was the holidays. I grieved my way through Thanksgiving. I was very sad that in my mind, it was going to be my last enjoyable holiday. I sat in the kitchen the night before Thanksgiving, after having roasted the turkey, and binged on the crispy turkey skin. It was the weirdest experience I'd had in a long time. I knew what I was doing, and simultaneously I knew it was the last time I was going to do it. I knew that Thanksgiving 2014 was going to be different. I was going to have lap band surgery and I was going to be eating like a normal person. I was working toward that goal with excitement. So why was I so sad? I was getting ready to pay somebody thousands of dollars to help me recover from binge eating. And I was grieving not being able to binge eat anymore.

Fast forward to February 2014. My personal life took a terrible plunge. My marriage, which was in bad shape before my WLS process began, took a terrible blow. Constant stress became my normal everyday life. I had one anchor in my life. My upcoming surgery.

I was banded mid March 2014. I complied with all of the doctor's orders. My surgery was a breeze, and my weight began to come off right away.

You can see by my ticker that I have had a lot of success this year. I am almost 2/3 of the way to my goal weight. I have not been the weight I am right now since my second child was born 19 years ago.

Through it all, I have received immeasurable help and support from this website. I do not have a supportive spouse. I do have two very supportive daughters. But when it comes right down to it, we must do this for ourselves. Nobody can do this for us.

And more importantly, nobody, nobody, nobody can prevent us from doing this for ourselves once we are ready to reclaim our power.

I'll save my long list of NSV's and great experiences for when I write my 100 pounds lost post soon. And it's almost here.

This post is just a reflection back to that first week when I walked into a WLS orientation meeting, followed by a meeting with my surgeon. The fearful, beaten-down person that I was one year ago no longer exists. In her place is a strong, confident woman who knows that she is worth it.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This is about so much more than weight.

Nothing changes until everything changes.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Congratulations ! Great post ! So glad this year turned out to be so positive for you in so many ways ! Keep up the good work !!!

[Rovobay 920]

thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry your spouse is not supportive of your healthy life changing/saving surgery, especially with all the success you have had.... jealousy? insecurity?

[2muchfun 8,927]

Your post makes me think about my wife and how supportive she's been. Where would I be without that support? I envy and deeply respect you for being able to do this mostly on your own. I don't think I would have been as successful as I am if I had your scenario. Well done and HIGH FIVEs ^5 ^5 ^5 ^5

tmf

[parisshel 1,892]

I love this post; what you have expressed touches me deeply. It sounds like you had an excellent bariatric practice who looked at the whole person before even considering slicing into them. They got you ready to be ready.

It is a shame that your partner did not go the course with you, but you clearly get that staying the way you were just to stay in the relationship was an unacceptable price to pay. So much resentment, turned inwards, in those paradigms.

Doors are opening in front of you now, my friend. I know you will walk through them with great fierceness and joy.

Thank you for your ever-present support on this platform.

[Lily22 13]

Congratulations. I am so happy for you that you were able to get the will power and strength to do this for you. You are an inspiration to many especially anyone who is having marital problems and is unsure that they can do this with out the support of their spouse. May God bless you always and may you continue to have more strength with everyday that passes.

[Bandista 7,466]

You ROCK! As Shel says, Fierceness and Joy. So happy for you.....

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@JustWatchMe I have been watching you and you are AWESOME anyone that doesn't see that, well it's their loss!

You keep going I can't wait to read your 100 pound post! What a great goal!

[Flaxseed 15]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am truly inspired and motivated by it. Good for YOU!!!!

[MarieMarie 346]

Congrats and thank you for sharing. Having chosen the slow route to wls with banding myself. I sometimes feel discouraged as the weight doesn't drop off. I have to work hard for every pound

[F_it 101]

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story, its empowering to have the closest people supporting your goals.. But sometimes, it turns out even more empowering when you truly become your own greatest supporter. That takes a lot of determination and courage to sift through all the self doubt and realize you deserve to have it all! Go you!! :-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@JustWatchMe ...

GREAT post and thread.

Respect.