Bandemonium

[lisacaron 5,075]

Welcome to a day in the life. We all experience what we term as bandster hell when we are first banded and we don’t have that right level of “restriction”. It’s the holy grail that we bandsters search for. It’s that spot between just right and too tight….and some of us walk that line pretty close and even those of us that think we are not walking that line, could be sitting right on it and all it takes is one small thing to push you over it and I'm over it.

In July I had a fill that left me in my just right zone. I was feeling good and eating small portions and working out and banded life was just great. Enter my “real” life and all that goes out the window. I have great band mechanics. I take small bites I chew chew chew. I eat within my 20 minute range time, and I have so much stress in my life I don’t know how I have not had several breakdowns. Must be that spine of steel I often joke about and those brass balls that I keep in a nice little box.

I could tell you stories my band friends that would probably curl your hair. There is going to be a time when I sit down and write out all these things because you couldn’t make these things up if you tried and who the heck would want to?! I know we all have our ups and downs but these things are extraordinary, it just doesn't lend to that comic genius in my writing just yet but someday I'll work on it.

I am not one that doesn’t practice what she preaches. In fact I won’t sit and talk about anything in a support group that I don’t know about. I am one of those avid learners (yes you might say geek) that will go to school, learn it practice it and then speak about it. Recently I went back to school to become a nutritionist, it’s important to me and my friend and my family so I did it!

I really don't have an affinity for people that talk out their ass, or people who look down their nose at people like me because we are obese. It's hard to listen to the twiggy nutritionists talk when they have no idea what it's like to be in my skin. Words are great, but experience, understanding and empathy is what reaches me.

OK so my BIG problem….I do too much!

I don’t know how to slow down until something crashes into me literally and so that brings me to where I find myself today. In the last couple of months I have had a major car accident, that kept me out of work for 3 whole days! To me that’s a long time, and has kept my body in aches and pains, muscle trauma, and a concussion for about a month. I had to stop going to the gym and working out and I really felt like that was a huge set back for me after finishing my first 5K and finally starting to feel like going to the gym wasn’t the heart attack it once was.

On top of that I got sick and had swollen glands and this lovely virus on top of my allergies which has me sliming my head off day and night. Over the course of all this and all the medication that Dr.’s shove down your throat for this symptom and that, my band got tighter and tighter and tighter until last night I hiccupped and (TMI gross alert) vomit came shooting out my mouth and across the room from the sip of Water I just drank!

I knew I had to get to the baratric Dr. this was just not right. I knew I had been tight, and I knew that stress was not letting up any time soon. 5 kids, who have varying degrees of drama they like to give their mother a heart attack with on a nearly minute to minute basis, one husband, and then we have two new additions to our family. The furry four legged kind two lovely little PinTzu’s. They are the joy to my day in the morning and at night after a rough work day, but you know what it’s just like having new babies. I love it and the hubs is getting used to it he has never had dogs before so much of the pressure to “train” them all husband and pups and family members that live at home is on me to keep consistency.

This morning I woke up and I could barely take my morning meds, and swallow my saliva. Add to that some post nasal drip from being sick and allergies and I knew it was time to see the doctor ASAP. So I called and wouldn’t you know I got the whole we don’t open till 9 am thing. Which is BS I know they are there early in the morning but they don’t open the phone lines until 9 and I wasn’t waiting. I drove straight there and of course once I got there and I told them what was going on with me..they took me in right away.

I went down for a video esophageal or barium swallow and x-ray. Wouldn't you know it, sure enough that pouch was dilated. They had to remove 5cc of Fluid and I am now on a 3 week liquid diet to see if the dilation goes back to normal.

Ugh, but you know what I have to say…nothing bad! I am grateful that I have a great Dr.’s office and good doctors to take care of me. I am glad that I did not wait for longer to get myself in there and have things checked out so my band didn’t slip or prolapse. I’m confident that I can make it through this liquid diet I have done it before and I will do it again!

It is a lesson to learn, a BIG BIG one for me. I can’t tell you how many friends of mine have told me time and again to slow down and stop doing so much to just relax and let things flow. I really honestly have an issue with it. I can be lazy sure we all can and I do have days where I do nothing but vege out and watch TV or read. Most of the time though I just cram every second with something.

There are things I want to do, and I find I am always battling against the things that I have to do, and my “responsibilities” and commitments. Those things make me feel pressured to be more and do more. It’s exhausting and I always get to the point where something has to knock me down to sit me down. This can’t be a good thing.

So here I am in band “reset” mode. What have I learned from this….? Or perhaps the better question is what will I learn from this?

So far today I have learned that I need to put up some really strong boundaries. I can’t save the world unless of course the power that be would like to get behind my idea of dropping large portions of Prozac in the Water supply of all the middle eastern and certain other countries....happy people just don't decapitate other people.

I don’t know quite yet how I am going to corral the issues that I have with my children and my family, those seem to plague me the worst. I have come to realize that work is work and I can give that 100% of effort in relation to the amount of effort extrapolated by those around me which should leave me with plenty of reserve energy to get to the gym and take care of myself.

I am going to set some small goals, and keep myself accountable to them. Not just when it comes to my band but when it comes to taking care of myself as a whole person. I am going to keep myself accountable…

Today’s goal:

Body: Set a pattern for liquid diet protocol and hydrate in between.

Mind: Get outside for some fresh air

Soul: Practice some deep breathing

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@lisacaron, thank goodness it was a band blip and not a heart attack that got your attention. It sounds like you "know" what to do. But as we all know, doing it is quite another thing.

I'm learning to recognize my patterns of reacting to stress. In calm moments I can see the truth in front of me, take a breath and face it in a healthy way. My problem is the not calm moments. I'm reacting and stressing out completely before I even realize what I'm doing.

I think you should write that book. You have a gift for telling it like it is and cutting through the BS.

The next three weeks won't be easy. Cut yourself a break but stay on course. I think your quick action of getting to the doctor probably saved you from serious band problems. Hopefully you'll be back in good restriction soon. Thanks for the lesson.

[gowalking 10,790]

Is there anything I can do for you hon?

[lisacaron 5,075]

Is there anything I can do for you hon?

Thank you my friend! I am totally OK. Honestly I think that this is a good thing for me. Being sick and taking the antibiotics on an empty stomach is what did me in. At least that's what the bariatric Dr. and radiology Dr. think. It irritated my stomach and even though I didn't feel "sick" in my tummy it swelled up and caused the stoma to become too tight to allow foods/liquids to move through.

As soon as I felt like something was not right, and it wasn't just my imagination I went right to the Dr. to have them check it out. So if you are on any kind of antibiotic even if they tell you that it's OK to take with out food, the Dr. told me I should always "coat" my stomach first even with a Protein shake.

Today I am feeling good....being on a liquid diet is kind of detoxing my system nicely It's also helping me to keep accountable to my what my needs are.

Last night I really "really" wanted to eat something as soon as my tummy started to rebel against the liquid diet..and those cheese sticks were looking so yummy but it was late...for me 10 is late these days since I am up at 5 with the puppies!

So I just put myself to bed, forgot about the cheese and got some much needed rest. My insides are feeling good, I was up early, took the pups for a walk, they don't go very far just yet...but it's a start! Looking forward to the day when we can walk around the lake and home! I'm looking forward to the day even though it's gonna be a busy one! I hope to get out this afternoon for some fresh air and squash Soup at Panera Yum Yum!! I just love the fall!!

Yesterday's Goals:

Body: Set a pattern for liquid diet protocol and hydrate in between.

Mind: Get outside for some fresh air

Soul: Practice some deep breathing

Today’s Goals:

Body:Get myself to the gym this evening half hour early for some cardio and then meet with the trainer for the "pain" lol

Mind: Not let the nasty b*tches in here bother me today, with their looks and huffs and puffs

Soul:Listen to some meditative music, and do some deep breathing after lunch

[gowalking 10,790]

Just as long as you're OK. I'll have to get out to you to see those pups before they become big ole dogs. We'll have to get a date for the next support group and hopefully I can make it out there to help lead it and to see the doggies.

[lisacaron 5,075]

Here I am again today ladies and gents. I have to tell you that yesterday there were some who really tried to push me and make me work to keep those goals I put down! I will say that I did not get out for lunch but I did take a breather. I have decided that for Halloween I am going to be giving out Tricks disguised as treats.

There are few guys I work with that I feel just need some baby wipes. #1 because they are full of S**T and do nothing but talk S**T and #2 because they are cry babies.

So I am going to go out and buy a couple of soft bags of baby wipes and collect the candy bags from the Halloween candy that people buy to give out and I am going to put the wipes inside, and leave it for them on their desk. They probably won't get it, but I'll be cackling!

I met my trainer for the "pain" and boy oh boy...I am just starting to feel those muscles ache today. It's a good sore kind of ache, but with the rainy weather I could use a nap.

Yesterday's Goals:

Body:Get myself to the gym this evening half hour early for some cardio and then meet with the trainer for the "pain" lol

Mind: Not let the nasty b*tches in here bother me today, with their looks and huffs and puffs

Soul:Listen to some meditative music, and do some deep breathing after lunch

Today’s Goals:

Body:Get some much needed rest and recovery today and treat the body to some good nutrition.

Mind: Take a nice long break this afternoon and catch up on some reading

Soul:Curl up with my puppies and kitty cats and enjoy some mindlless TV tonight

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi Lisa, great posts -- you are hitting the reset not just with the band but with everything. It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life. I've been finding my feelings are so different now that I'm not tamping them all down with food at the first indication. I'm actually able to feel some real anger -- rage, even. I think that's been good for me (versus the sad version, which does not burn out like anger but lingers). Goal of course is none of either! I'm trying to be "beside" whatever it is and not allowing myself to get whirled up in it but for a participator that can be difficult. I have a mantra about choosing myself first. Choose Lisa First! You are in need of YOU right now. Every one else can wait. Get plenty of sleep and enjoy those pups.

[lisacaron 5,075]

TGIF!!!

I have to say that I am really glad this week that it is finally Friday. I am not trying to rush my life away...it's just been that kind of work week and I am really looking forward to spending some time at home this weekend!

liquid diet is still going great! I am enjoying some awesome fall Soups like the spiced squash Soup from Panera! I will usually go and pick that up for lunch.

Last night I threw a cup of Wendy's Chili in the blender and that was good. I got to spend some time with the pups, but I was pretty tired so I called it a night early and turned in around 9 PM. Hubs was on a 24 hour shift and I drifted off to dreamland as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Woke up at 5:30 to let the pups out and feed them and play a bit of tag. Then raced in for an 8:00 meeting that never happened...and now playing juggle the meeting from 10-10:30-11-1 what time will it be...what's behind curtain number 2...I'm think a big pile of dog doooo

Needless to say I am really really looking forward to the weekend

Yesterday's Goals:

Body:Get some much needed rest and recovery today and treat the body to some good nutrition.

Mind: Take a nice long break this afternoon and catch up on some reading Never happened...

Soul:Curl up with my puppies and kitty cats and enjoy some mindless TV tonight

Today’s Goals:

Body: Get out side for a nice brisk walk this afternoon and some yummy squash soup!!

Mind: Catch up on that reading while soaking up some sunshine

Soul: Leave the office early, get home and spend some time with hubs and furry friends.

Weekend plans include:

Relaxing in my yard, playing fetch with the pups. Practicing our Dog walking skills, car shopping with my son. Catching up with my trainer and hitting the gym, getting a long lovely Mani Pedi and maybe even a hair cut.

Sigh...feeling good just thinking about it!