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an observation



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I went on a blind date Wednesday night and saw that the gentleman was overweight. It didn't matter to me at all because he was very nice and we got along well, but it turns out that we did discuss the fact that he's lost more than 80 lbs. and wants to lose another 40. He needed to lose weight because of a knee replacement and I went ahead and told him about my hip replacement surgery and that I too had to lose weight so I would have an optimal outcome.

He looked at me like I had two heads. I assured him that I struggled with my weight and even laughingly said that if we got along well enough, I'd think about showing him some less flattering pictures of me in the future.

Amazing right? Here's this man who presumes because I'm a small person, that I don't struggle with weight. It just goes to show that you can never EVER presume anything by what you see on the outside. This is what makes an eating disorder so insidious. If you are involved in any other type of negative behavior, no one need know. But a food addiction?? We can't hide it... and it's there for all to see and judge.

I find that I feel like I'm hiding the real me behind this small body. I always thought I was hiding the real me behind my big body but now I see that I'm just hiding period. I think I need to discuss this with my therapist so I make sure not to sabotage my success. This process really is two steps forward, one step back.

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I totally get this. People who are just getting to know me now are amazed when they hear me talk about my weight loss, or they see pictures of me from "before." They mean well in what they say, but it makes me cringe. I no longer answer in specifics when I am randomly asked how much I have lost. I just say "a LOT." The number I am so proud of when I think about what I have accomplished sounds horrific when I tell it to someone who is curious...

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Well, it seems like you two have a lot in common even before you get to know him any better!!!!!!! And even though you are 100% correct on the steps forward and backward......... the trend is FORWARD PROGRESS....... Enjoy the FALL in NEW YORK! Tammie

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When are you coming back this way Tammi? All my gals want to go to NO but no one is taking charge...and Christmas will be here before you know it. I don't think it's gonna happen... :(

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I totally get this. People who are just getting to know me now are amazed when they hear me talk about my weight loss, or they see pictures of me from "before." They mean well in what they say, but it makes me cringe. I no longer answer in specifics when I am randomly asked how much I have lost. I just say "a LOT." The number I am so proud of when I think about what I have accomplished sounds horrific when I tell it to someone who is curious...

That before picture you posted yesterday broke my heart. You looked so sad and defeated and I just wanted to cry. I have a smile on my face in my before pics so you can't see the terribly unhappy person I was. But just like you, I stayed on life's sideline and did not participate in anything. Not any more thank goodness.

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So some of you ladies know me, from my posts and some have met me in person. I have always been out there and larger then life in more ways then one!

I have a big mouth, a sharp wit a comedic sense of timing lots of opinions, observations, and constructive criticism and I am not afraid to use and share them all. :)

I don't think I have ever been good at hiding because of this...I have never been able to just "blend in" with the crowd. Strangers come up and talk to me even when I am sending out the **ck off vibe. Since WLS I really try not to bite the heads off of people too often they tend to get stuck.

(OK only kidding I'm not a cannibal but just getting me in that kind of mood really can cinch that band which only makes my mood worse)

Talk about judging a book by it's cover! Most people encounter my awesome hubby and they think Uh oh don't piss that guy off he might pound you into the ground!

Big or small he's still got the arms and shoulders of Popeye and his voice is deep and he has a bit of a growl. Little do they know that he's the most gentle person and they really should be asking him for directions and help because this little blond green eyed chick just might have to make you cry! :)

There are days when I wish I could hide, and I want to hide and honestly sometimes I do. I'll lock myself up in my bedroom and just turn off the world for a little bit. I love doing all the things I do, and I love being with people and I don't care much about how I look or they look, I'm not the house inspector I don't care about your job or car or any of that BS. I just enjoy life, I have seen and been a part of too much tragedy in life I learned at a young age that you have to just suck it up for all it's worth every second and every chance you get.

I have my days don't get me wrong, but when I need to disconnect I do. Sometimes it's more difficult then others, and when I don't the universe comes along and does it for me. You know like getting rear ended and getting sick and being forced to just take it easy even if I want to do a million things :)

You ladies all are looking amazing and I hope you are feeling as amazing about yourselves. Because it's not just about your look it's about who you are! With all your good advice and stuff that you share here you are nothing short of that so get out there and enjoy!!!!

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Wow. That is very insightful, it really sounds like you are doing your part with your therapist! Good for you, I know with your motivated attitude- you are going to succeed! :-)

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Headed NORTH again in November......but, to see the oldest daughter in BALTIMORE. We might make a day trip to NYC. I'll let you know.

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Headed NORTH again in November......but, to see the oldest daughter in BALTIMORE. We might make a day trip to NYC. I'll let you know.

Oh I hope so. Everything well?

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    • BabySpoons

      Sometimes reading the posts here make me wonder if some people just weren't mentally ready for WLS and needed more time with the bariatric team psychiatrist. Complaining about the limited drink/food choices early on... blah..blah...blah. The living to eat mentality really needs to go and be replaced with eating to live. JS
      · 1 reply
      1. Bypass2Freedom

        We have to remember that everyone moves at their own pace. For some it may be harder to adjust, people may have other factors at play that feed into the unhealthy relationship with food e.g. eating disorders, trauma. I'd hope those who you are referring to address this outside of this forum, with a professional.


        This is a place to feel safe to vent, seek advice, hopefully without judgement.


        Compassion goes a long way :)

    • Theweightisover2024🙌💪

      Question for anyone, how did you get your mind right before surgery? Like as far as eating better foods and just doing better in general? I'm having a really hard time with this. Any help is appreciated 🙏❤️
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      1. NickelChip

        I had about 6 months between deciding to do surgery and getting scheduled. I came across the book The Pound of Cure by Dr. Matthew Weiner, a bariatric surgeon in Arizona, and started to implement some of the changes he recommended (and lost 13 lbs in the process without ever feeling deprived). The book is very simple, and the focus is on whole, plant based foods, but within reason. It's not an all or nothing approach, or going vegan or something, but focuses on improvement and aiming for getting it right 80-90% of the time. His suggestions are divided into 12 sections that you can tackle over time, perhaps one per month for a year if a person is just trying to improve nutrition and build good habits. They range from things like cutting out artificial sweetener or eating more beans to eating a pound of vegetables per day. I found it really effective pre-surgery and it's an eating style I will be working to get back to as I am further out from surgery and have more capacity. Small changes you can sustain will do the most for building good habits for life.

      2. Theweightisover2024🙌💪

        That sounds awesome. I'll have to check that out thanks!

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