Difficulty Identifying Final Goal Weight

[Andrew0929 1,101]

I reached my initial goal, which was a semi-random number I came up with and my wife is under the impression that I'm anorexic because I'm unwilling to stop losing.

I'm wearing 34 pants, which I'm happy about, but have fatty love handles and thighs. My BMI still indicates overweight but my muscular frame negates that number.

My bariatric office is very happy with my progress and said my body will naturally stop losing when I've reached an ideal weight. However I'm not completely buying that as I feel I have some control if that via my caloric intake.

This is becoming a very hot topic in our household as of late and now my daughter is chiming in too.

I've encouraged my wife to attend my next PCP appointment coming up next month, but I am getting tired of all the whining. Too fat ... Too skinny ...

I think 6 more pounds will be good and I'm telling her I will follow the advice of the doctors (PCP, cardiologist, surgeon, and nephroligist), which I think is the responsible thing to do ....

Any recommendations on how to deal with this ?

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I am dealing with the same issues at the moment. Ideal weight. What does that even mean to people like us who have struggled with the weight issue most of our lives.

I have been told lately that I need to get a grip and realize how thin I am. Well they actually used the word tiny. ME TINY..say what!

My team is happy I am under 200 lbs and now that I am in the maintenance stage people talk down to me if I flip a box over to see the caloric numbers. They are telling me to just stop it right now or I may find myself on the other end of the spectrum under doctors care for a eating disorder.

Now that plastics are coming up my fear of everything going wrong is causing great anxiety and fear. I know when that happens I will be 20 lbs smaller then I want to be. That scares me because right now bones stick out everywhere. Can't live with the extra skin it is a health hazard for me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My family fears for me. They are afraid of another horrible complication on the rise. And I find the more I think about what is in my future the more I want to eat for comfort.

If it is not one thing it is another in this journey. I do have to get a grip and let it all happen. My body should even out. Everyone tells me that even my team says that. I am so frightened to gain it all back and feel so out of control right now.

Some how I understand what you are going through but I am father down the line and have even more to deal with I think. Sure hope you don't find yourself here where I am. Much turmoil and emotional pain right now. And I too feel my BMI is too high. I am lost right now as to what to do to end this fear!

All the best to you @Andrew0929

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ok, people freak out because they simply arent used to seeing you at a normal weight. My sisters were very upset that I was too skinny when I was 150-160 and now that i am 140# they don't think so anymore. All that happened was time. They are used to me know.

I felt bonier heavier. That has been weird but I think weight redistribution happens and maybe I just got used to it. It used to freak me out to see ribs on my back but for my build it is normal.

I know we poo poo the BMI charts but they really are a good rough guide. If you get below say 20-22 BMI as a mature adult you MIGHT be on the thin side. Even then, being a tad thin is healthy it's more a mattee of do you like it. I personally think too thin makes me look old. The weight I look the best at in my opinion puts my BMI at 23.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

RJ, I just read your post. I also think you are great right where you are but I have a hard time understanding why anyone would think you are anorexic. Sounds like their issues, not yours. I really ignored alot of it. I had the benefit of new friends who never knew me obese. Not a one of them thought I was too skinny. It was only people who were used to seeing me so big.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

RJ, I just read your post. I also think you are great right where you are but I have a hard time understanding why anyone would think you are anorexic. Sounds like their issues, not yours. I really ignored alot of it. I had the benefit of new friends who never knew me obese. Not a one of them thought I was too skinny. It was only people who were used to seeing me so big.

I think it is because they all work in the medical field and my daughter works with these people on a professional level. she has dealt with WLS patients who have gone that way and she knows what I have gone through to get here. She is worried that I won't be able to stop. I think I have stopped. But I am not trying to high jack this thread. I just know that it is difficult to be reasonable at times. They see us differently then we see ourselves.

I know I prefer it when my hubby has some meat on him and not when he gets too thin because of troubles we face and then he loses and becomes too thin. So I kinda understand where they are coming from.

I really worry more myself about gaining it all back then getting too thin.... True dat!

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

Good morning y'all--if it's still morning where you're at,

I was called "skinny" yesterday!

I don't have any idea what my goal weight should be. I'm 6' tall so I thought 200 would be good. I was just going to let my body decide what weight I would be at and concentrate on what I need to do everyday to stick with doing what I need to do--Water, Protein first, Vitamins, exercise etc.

Wishing you all a good day,

Kathleen

[bikrchk 1,313]

I'm having some of the same conversations with friends and family. Today, my BMI is 23. Still in the top half of healthy, which is FINE. I'm still losing slooooowly as I try to figure out maintenance. If I go down to 21 or 22, that'll be fine too. It's still in the healthy range. If it goes much below that, I guess I'll have to add Ensure to my diet! LOL My friends and family think I'm too thin already. I think it's a matter of others perspective. They are used to seeing you a certain way and it will take time for them to adjust to your new body, just as it takes us time to get past the body dismorphia almost all of us experience. I also think that taking a family member with concerns to your next Dr. appointment is a great thing to do. She can hear from a 3rd party professional that you are in a healthy place and you're okay! She still may not agree, but it may help ease her concerns.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

ecouraged wife to attend next PCP appointment

@@Andrew0929

great idea having wifey at next appt. don't know why she would not want to go

out of curiosity, is your wife or daughter overweight???

IF they are - they might feel weird you being so nice with your new weight when they might be overweight

i can see you 3 sitting around the dinner table "discussing" YOUR life!!!

they are entitled to their opinion(as wrong as it might be )

don't think you can ever change their minds

i doubt the dr will be successful either

Agree to Disagree!!!!

it is/can be hard hearing comments all your life about being "heavy"

now, after losing 143 lbs some people are not happy for your loss

can't win for losing!!!

I see you look great in your size 34 pants!!

as long as you are feeling good at your weight - (i'm sure you are NOT overdueing the loss, right??)

do what you do - body is still accepting your new weight

having the doc bless your thoughts on your weight, that will be the "icing on the cake"

you continue to do wonderfully

143 lbs gone

OMG!!

party dance, party dance

woo hoo!!

keep up the good work for the rest of your healthier, happier, longer life

kathy

congrats

Edited September 10, 2014 by proudgrammy

[Teachamy 1,042]

My mom is the only one who ever expressed she worried I would keep losing. My body seems happy where I am, so I don't seem to fluctuate, whether I take in 700 or 1200 calories. I have a dietician who is more of a therapist. She's also a Certified Diabetes Educator, so she has worked with me fore 12 years. I see her frequently, email her with questions, and trust her judgment. Months ago she asked me my goal weight, and I said I was shooting for 130-135. She looked me in the eye and said, "Hear me tell you that 155 is a good weight for you." When I protested, she repeated that line. And now I see, she may be right? We are working on a diet that will help me maintain in the 145-152 range. Even in maintenance, we may fluctuate.

My advice is: Find a medical provider/therapist to talk through this with. All of it. It may help!

Good luck!
Amy

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Fascinating topic! I'm still 47 pounds from goal, so I can't speak from all your experience. I can say that in the past when I've lost a lot of weight, people started telling me to slow down at around 180. That's nearly obese on the BMI charts. I have pooh-poohed BMI many times over the years, but there must be some reason that the medical and insurance professions continue to use it as the de facto standard for weight-related risk analysis. Otherwise, you'd think there would be a modified version by now. So... With that said, I have chosen a goal weight that would put my BMI at 24.9. That's exactly one pound into the "normal" range. Now, I recognize that many, many people don't have that option. Either they started from a different place than I did, or have found a goal that makes them comfortable -- and that's great. I'm just saying that for my own (admittedly obsessive) peace of mind, after going through all this, I don't want to end up "overweight". But we'll see what happens closer to goal when each successive pound gets more difficult to achieve. Everyone's journey is different, and I wish everyone great success reaching whatever goal makes them (not necessarily their family and friends) happy for the long haul.

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

Here is the web link: http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/weight-loss/bmi4.htm The History of BMI

Using a formula to calculate obesity is not a new concept. In the nineteenth century, a Belgian statistician named Adolphe Quetelet came up with the Quetelet Index of Obesity, which measured obesity by dividing a person's weight (in kilograms) by the square of his or her height (in inches).

So the BMI came out of the 1800's!!!!!!!

That tells me much about how well it can tell me, a 6' tall female in 2014, how much to rely on it.

I do believe science has advanced since the 1800s to provide a better measure of how obese I am. So why in God's name do we use something that was developed in the 1800s?

Blessings,

Kathleen

Edited September 10, 2014 by Katcloudshepherd

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Here is the web link: http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/weight-loss/bmi4.htm The History of BMI

Using a formula to calculate obesity is not a new concept. In the nineteenth century, a Belgian statistician named Adolphe Quetelet came up with the Quetelet Index of Obesity, which measured obesity by dividing a person's weight (in kilograms) by the square of his or her height (in inches).

So the BMI came out of the 1800's!!!!!!!

That tells me much about how well it can tell me, a 6' tall female in 2014, how much to rely on it.

I do believe science has advanced since the 1800s to provide a better measure of how obese I am. So why in God's name do we use something that was developed in the 1800s?

Blessings,

Kathleen

And why in the world does in not differentiate by age and gender? This is the one area where that makes sense!

[Andrew0929 1,101]

Thanks for all the helpful and encouraging feedback everyone. Today, my wife agreed to attend my next Dr appointment and I'm sure he'll agree with me, that I've not gone too far. While the BMI scales may not be perfect, they certainly do seem like a reasonable guideline. With a BMI of 29.3, there's no way I'm too thin and they need to come to grips with that.

My wife and daughter are both overweight, although not excessively. While there may be some animosity on their part, I do think (as others have mentioned) that they're simply not used to seeing me at this weight and that time may help that.

Meanwhile, I'm going to continue losing until I, along with my 3 doctors, believe I'm at an optimal weight.

Thanks again ...

[txags 2]

A doctor friend advised the following: lose weight until people think you look too skinny, then go 10 more pounds. The main problem is that westerners are so used to seeing overweight people, that even at "normal" sizes, people look too thin. I've worked in Africa with very healthy locals. Extremely muscular, tall guys that weighed probably145. They did not look too thin at all. They all looked normal.

So, start ignoring your friends and family. Trust your brain and your doctor. You did all of the research, so you know what is best.

Good luck!

Jason

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

A doctor friend advised the following: lose weight until people think you look too skinny, then go 10 more

I love that rule! I keep getting asked "when will I stop working out and tracking food" they don't understand is is for life!

My doctor doesn't give a goal. Once you lose 60% excess weight he considers you a success. He says that BMI under 30 has about the same risks as getting under 25 so once get to 29 not to obsess over getting to 24.9.

For myself I had several goals. First to get under 200 but I set an overall goal of 187 for my height of 5-10. I figured that was 14 more than my college weight and accounted for extra skin and four pregnancies! And I wanted a Body Fat percent of 28% or less which is for women 40-49 years old. My BMI was 27.4 when I got to 25.8% body fat and I was still over 190. And body fat percentage recommendations are based on sex and age so is much better than BMI. People are supposed to have a bit more fat as they age to be prepared for illness and insulation.

That said, I am now 180. I did get briefly into the 170s and mentally it would be nice to have a BMI of 24.9 and be 173 pounds. The problem is that I may lose some of that in muscle and I don't want to do that. So I don't obsess over it. I Just follow my program and if I lose a pound over 6 weeks so be it. 2 weeks ago I gained 8 pounds in less than 3 days from family parties and had to focus to take it off again.