Fair-weather family and friends

[a_new_me_finally 2]

I'm recently beginning my journey with WLS (in the beginning stages, I just had my psych eval and my first appointment with the dietician) and I am very excited to start my journey; HOWEVER, my immediate family and some of my close friends are unsupportive. One day they are on board with what I want to do, then the next they're trying to talk me out of it. I have a close friend that is about to under-go her surgery, and another that is post-op I confide in, but it still makes me feel a little unsure and actually hurt that my immediate family and other close friends do not support my decision. I've been told "you've lost weight before, why can't you do it again", "you stopped working out, you know you need to work out once you have surgery right?", "you're not going to be the same person", "I will work out with you and eat healthy with you, you don't need this surgery", "I won't see you anymore because you're not going to be able to drink" and other variations and comments. I know deep down this is what I want to do, and I've even taken my mother to my first appointment when I met with my surgeon. Has anyone had the experience of family members and close friends trying to talk them out of their decision to have wls? How did you cope with that? I need some advice considering I still have 6 more months (at least) before I can actually undergo surgery since I have Aetna. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Jenny Pooh 7]

Omg....I thought it was just me.....for months everyone in my circle was like OK...do it so you can feel better about you...my surgery is on Monday now every speaks up...on how I can do this myself and they will help me now...sheesh I was so upset last night..I'm like why now...OK since y'all feel like this ...then its along road ahead of me...so please have this same feeling after my surgery.... And I said Thanks for caring but I'm doing it....some people just don't understand.....

[angelicHG7 118]

The only person I have told is my husband. I didn't even tell him until I was over half way through the pre-surgery process. I don't want to deal with the opinions of others.....

[a_new_me_finally 2]

Yes, exactly! They will go on and on and on, so much as to corner me about it at social events, telling me why I shouldn't do it and how they're going to help me, and then in the next breath say "but if you really want to do it, I support you." Clearly you do not if you're shoving alternatives, which I've already tried, down my throat. It's just so frustrating because most of these people have that are projecting their opinions on me have never been overweight all of their life (like I have), haven't given up things they love due to weight-related physical and emotional issues and haven't been restricted to certain stores, they don't understand what I've been through all my life, but continually research alternatives instead of researching wls and trying to understand where I am coming from. Just very frustrating and emotionally draining!

[a_new_me_finally 2]

The only person I have told is my husband. I didn't even tell him until I was over half way through the pre-surgery process. I don't want to deal with the opinions of others.....

I don't blame you, sometimes I think I would've been better off keeping it to myself and only telling my two friends (the one who's pre-op and the one who is post-op). It's just heartbreaking when your loved ones aren't supportive of you trying to better yourself and make yourself healthier.

[Jenny Pooh 7]

Me too...I wish that I only told my kids and husband too...

[emarall 42]

If I hear from one more uninformed person that these surgeries are the easy way out I will flip on them!!! There is NOTHING EASY ABOUT IT!!

That's why I haven't told anyone but my Mom, Dad, Husband & 1 childhood friend. No one will even know I'm in the hospital. I hate to be so secretive about it but most of my family are so judgmental and jealous that I am just saving myself the drama!!! Good luck with it all!!! ????

[angelicHG7 118]

I think people mean well and they just don't get how their words are coming across. Asking you if you did all your research would at least be better than them trying to throw out some scary fact they read as if they are educating you.

I didn't even tell my son because I don't want him to slip up and say something. It's hard keeping it a secret.... My friends are inviting me to do things the week of my surgery and I have to come up with something to say quickly. I would still prefer that over the thousands of questions though.

[buchick 2]

I totally get this one! Many of my friends and family felt like I should be able to lose weight without this surgery, like they think it's a cop out to have surgery, as if it will magically fix all your problems. BUT it's only a tool to help you get healthy. AND it's a bigger commitment than most people realize! I find when I talk to people about all the aspects of the new diet (not eating and drinking together, the Vitamins, the Protein, etc), they realize that it is a big commitment and they respect me for what I'm doing. However, there are still naysayers along the way. One of my closest friends was reading the surgery information binder from my first visit with my surgeon when she came over to borrow a dress earlier in the summer. I said to her, I would be happy to talk about the surgery process, if she was considering it. She said, "Oh no, I'm not big enough to have surgery." Umm did I miss the part where you were borrowing a dress from me? Clearly we are the same size! This friend is trying to lose weight, but not with the surgery, and now that I've had the surgery she is obsessed with asking me how much weight I've lost like it's some sort of competition! I had a long talk with my sister about this friend, and I've decided to spend more time away from this friend. I got the surgery for myself because I want to live a long and healthy life. Healthy body AND healthy mind. I now focus on what I need as surround myself with those who support me as much as possible. A receptionist at my doctor's office told me it was the best gift she ever gave herself. I'm not planning on wasting the gift with naysayers and neither should you!