Support group for non banded spouse?

[jbtullis 0]

Hey, just wondering if anyone knows of a place on line that offers some sort of support for the spouse of a banded person that may not be banded. I know my wife really needs someone like that to talk to. I think the non banded spouse tries to be as supportive as possible but I am noticing it isn't an easy thing for her sometimes.

Thoughts or directions to a site would be great.

[Josette 2]

Great idea. My husband has asked me about that actually. He wanted to know if there was somewhere he could chat to discuss the changes, and how he feels. You should start a thread on here for it and they can come here and post to each other.

[Wheetsin 714]

I haven't heard of anything. What kinds of challenges is your wife encoutnering?

[jbtullis 0]

Mainly challenges in dealing with the changes it makes in me. It moves a lot of the attention from her to me. It also develops some passive agressive feelings that I can now lose easier. So I don't want to use the word jealously because it is nothing that extreme.

With any massive change in once persons life, it has a huge impact on your partner. At least I can see it starting to impact her.

I have a friend who lost a lot of weight non lap band and had the same issue with her husband. So much so that while she was thinner they would fight all the time until she gained weight. Once she gained his demenaor changed.

It's one of those things I don't think anyone is doing intentionally. I know that I really enjoy going to the local band group meetings if nothing more than just to be in a room full of people just like me. I know being a non banded spouse is probably a unique group as a lot of couples get banded together. Not all, but it seems a lot I have met do.

Basically, she would just like to have others in her situation to talk to. She tried it on here but said she felt like such an outsider being non banded and not looking to have it done, that she was hoping to find a group.

Maybe we should just start a simple yahoo email group and point people there.

[Marimaru 7]

obesityhelp.com has a section for spouses of weight loss patients. I don't know how much activity it gets tho.

[jbtullis 0]

Wow, I checked out the thread on obesityhelp.com and not sure I want to recommend that one. I didn't see much other than a lot of negative stuff over there from the spouses. Thanks for posting it though. Maybe I can just start dragging her to the group sessions with me. I have noticed a spouse or two that comes along.

[Daisalana 33]

That is a good idea. My fiance is not a very good.. nurturer. Anytime I have issues with something--today for example, he wanted chinese, I wanted to be able to try it, so I wanted to bring it home in case I had problems I could vomit in the comfort of my own home. But he pissed and moaned till I agreed to eat there, because he didn't want it 'getting cold.. even though it's 90 degrees outside!!!!! And.. I did have a problem with it, but it was right off, so I was able to stop eating and sit there while he ate, then got me a Wendy's chili on our way home.

That's a small example, but he's not very understanding of my situations with this. I'm learning, and I need his patience. Also, he thinks this is just going to be another diet I fail. The determination and commitment I have in this seems to have gone over his head. He did come to the conference to learn about the band, and I liked that.. I thought about inviting him to check out the boards, but I don't like him nosing around (and he would) about what I post. I stay off his forums, I don't want him on mine LOL!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Laura...

I'd have to agree with you regarding his not coming here. I wouldn't want hubby coming here. Sometimes I just want to vent, sometimes I want to whine. He's not into either. I need MY place to come and say any darn thing I please.

[travelgirl 3]

I agree. If there's something posted on here that I think is funny or good information that I think he should know, I'd rather tell him myself, than have him come on here...not because I feel I have anything to hide from him, but because this is my place....and I don't want to share!

[Daisalana 33]

Exactly! I don't have anything to hide, and I talk to him about this place, but if I'm going off on a tangent, I don't want him reading it and giving me his 2 cents. This is my forum! Hehe.

[ginger3151 0]

I agree, this forum is for us Bandsters - I guess I'm being selfish, but this is something we are doing for ourselves, for our health and well being. Yes we are changing, but right now it's about us! My husband is supportive for the most part, till he goes and gets chips, or ice cream, etc. and eats in front of me. Or asks if he can have something I've bought for me, i.e. my Protein drink, or low fat Snacks. He praises me when I loose weight and says he's proud of me, but his eating habits make it difficult!!! I think spouses need another forum all for themselves!! Just my opinion.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I think spouses need another forum all for themselves!! Just my opinion.

HA! Can you imagine what they would write? Ohhhh, I'd LOVE to read such a forum!

[travelbug 0]

<p>I couldn't agree more. My dear hubby professes to be supportive, but it is very difficult to put up with his egocentric ways....somehow, someway it always comes back to him. I try to tell him that I am learning (just as all of you) and need support, not disdain when I can't eat like I used to. Guess I should understand that he is missing our long, social dinners over a bottle of wine....but it is very difficult. I wasn't quite prepared for his reaction though....</p>

[jbtullis 0]

If there is interest from your partners I will have my wife set up a yahoo group list so they can have thier on place. I'll post the name back here once she gets it up and going.

[Josette 2]

Ginger... I can totally relate to that. My hubby will drink my waters or eat my low calorie snack packs. I come home and he's raided the place. Drives me NUTS!!!!