female only Sex.......and that annoying roll of flesh

[Artichokes 42]

So, I'm a couple of years into the journey, having lost 75 pounds. I am not slim, at size 16, but I am happy at this weight. I have just begun a promising relationship, with a guy that seems sweet, and attracted to me. I am very much looking forward to some physical intimacy...it's been a while...and it certainly is headed in that direction. So, my question.....that fold of skin left over from losing so much weight is very unattractive, as are my floppy breasts. It makes me very self conscious. Should I:

1). Find a way to bring up the weight loss/surgery, and the after effects (forewarned is forearmed)?

2). Don't say anything until after the big event, then say something like, 'Yeah, I know the belly roll is not traditionally accepted, but it's my evidence of a life lived with a love of food and hedonism.' (Ie it's a part of me, and, if you don't like it, I'm sorry that you feel that way)

3). Don't say anything at all, unless asked.

I know my fellow bariatrix have encountered this awkward situation. Advice, please?? PS Should I post this in a general forum, so I can hear the masculine take on this? Help!!

[purplepassion70 6]

Why do you need to say anything at all. If your relationship is advancing that far then he should be accepting you for you. You do not have to say anything if you do not want unless he becomes your husband and then maybe you can tell him then.

[purplepassion70 6]

If you are having issues with the skin then decide if you want to remove it. do it for you and not him.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Okay, here's one guy's perspective... I'd prefer to know what to expect beforehand. The surprises hidden under our clothes could "spoil the moment" if they are not expected. Besides, if you're anticipating intimacy, perhaps you can work this into "the talk" you probably want to have anyway. STDs and protection are not comfortable subjects to discuss, but we still need to have the conversation, right? So why not roll this into that already not-so-sexy pre-intimacy convo? If he's still on board, great! And if not, then you may have learned something about him while limiting your vulnerability. I wish you the best of luck -- hopefully he's a keeper!

Edited September 3, 2014 by Rogofulm

[Artichokes 42]

What a sweet response. Thanks so much. I hope he's a keeper, too. ☺️

[Miss Mac 6,262]

I agree with Rogofulm that if you know him well enough to become intimate, then you know him well enough to have "the talk" about protection and the non sexy stuff.

Now that we have that out of the way.......my favorite quote from Ben Franklin concerns relationships with women who are no longer pretty young things. Franklin said "In the dark, all cats are gray!"

Good luck with your fella. If he likes / loves you for who you are and does not ask you to change anything about yourself, then he his for sure a keeper.

[Artichokes 42]

How awesome, Miss Mac. I appreciate it.

[angelicHG7 118]

I personally would tell him... You don't even have to say that you had surgery, you can just tell him that you lost a significant amount of weight and that you have loose skin in certain areas.

Honestly the boob part shouldn't be a big deal because after having children... A lot of women have to deal with that.

Good luck.... I hope he stays that great guy.

[Artichokes 42]

Thanks for the positive response, angelic. I am hopeful.

[BethinPA 305]

In my personal experience I chose to discuss it beforehand, so there were no surprises. And he was very supportive, even making sure to kiss my stomach as a way to show support and acceptance. If he is a good guy then this too will be all good. Congrats on getting back out there!

[Artichokes 42]

What a nice guy, Beth! Thanks for the encouragement!

[millergirl314 168]

Gosh I hate my belly roll. I wouldn't say anything at all. You prob wouldn't say anything to him right. Get naked in front of him and he'll see the whole package, as you will his.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

When faced with a similar situation I did talk about it in advance. Feedback I got was that I made too big a deal out of it....

Of course I should mention he might be vision impaired as he insisted I didn't need plastics (this was later). After I got plastics he was like "wow... amazing. ..you looked like a million bucks now you look like a billion " ha

So I'd mention it but don't get overly negative and self conscious.

[Artichokes 42]

Thanks, everyone. I mentioned it. It didn't matter to him. Things are good!

[angelicHG7 118]

That is awesome to hear! Very happy for you.