DH told neighbor

ragdollx19 · May 4, 2007

Well I have been telling people that i feel comfortable with that I am getting the lap band later this month. I started with people at work because I work in a small office and felt I was going to spend a majority of my time with these people so they should know why I am missing work and be able to support me while I am there. This has gone fine they all seem supportive and interested in what I am doing.

I told a few close friends before I even got approved because I was so excited and knew they would not judge me. Well I decided to go ahead and tell my father because if my child was going to have any kind of surgery I would like to know before and not after the fact, this was hard because I didnt know what the response would be. Well I have a neighbor whose body is a perfect 10... I am not extremely close with her but we talk occasionally. Well i hadnt planned on telling her or her dh because I just didnt feel it was their business and I dont want to deal with the neighbors all knowing. That and the fact that i already feel self concious when I am around this particular neighbor would just make it hard on me. Well my husband told me tonight that he told her what i was having done... she told him she knew people who did really well with the lap band and nothing negative at all but i just feel a little ummmm embarassed maybe? I dont know why it bothers me that my neighbors know when I dont care if the rest of the world knows but it does. My dh has been extremely supportive and he didnt do anything he thought was wrong but it is upsetting to me. I am not mad at dh in the least, just dont want to walk out my front door because I feel like I am under a microscope.

Maybe I am just emotional because this is all happening so quickly and it is such a huge life change but i needed to vent to people who would understand. I wish I werent in this situation to begin with but this is life and I know the lap band is what i need to get going.

Afrykanvyolet · May 4, 2007

It's ok Ragdoll to have those feelings. Having the lap band or any type of surgery is a personal matter and you want to tell only those who you want to know. I had a similar thing happen when my partner told a few of her friends. Although I had told a bunch of people that was for me to tell. I kindly asked her to please not tell anyone else. If I want them to know then I will share. She understood and your DH will too.

Since your business is out now, its time to just keep your head up and move on. You don't have to have conversations with these people to inform them about your progress - just be happy about your decision.

Congratulations and I wish you nothing but the best!!!

Marimaru · May 4, 2007

I think that your neighbor's response can say to you that you wont be under the microscope with her. Since she knows people who've had it, she knows more about it than the average random person, and will be supportive and have realistic expectations for you.

Besides (and this is something that occurred to me not too far back), just because she's been a perfect 10 the whole time you've known her, doesn't mean she always was (I don't know how long you've lived near her). I'm moving to Oregon later this year, and no one there will ever know I was a size 24 unless I tell them. For they'll know, I just have a little weight problem to nip in the bud, you know?

I do think you should tell your DH you are upset about the whole thing. I'm sure that if you explain your feelings, he'll be right there with you and be sure to not do it again. Also, you might pop over to the neighbor's house and say "hey, I know my husband told you about my surgery, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention it to the other neighbors if you haven't already".

*hugs*

WASaBubbleButt · May 4, 2007

I completely agree with everything Mari wrote. Those were my thoughts too as I was reading your post.

Might want to give the neighbor a chance, not every thin person is critical of we fatties. Sometimes they are the most decent and understanding of all. Sometimes other fatties are jealous of your weight loss, they are all kinds of things. Sometimes they aren't.

I think this is a great time to make friends with the neighbor. So something happened that you prefer it didn't. Take advantage of the opportunity and make a really good friend. Ask her about her friend's experiences. If others told her about it, she can't be too critical. Most people don't know anyone who has a band yet she knows more than one.

Of my friends the skinny one has been THE most supportive. She doesn't relate to food issues or weight issues. If she gains three pounds, she exercises and loses it. No big deal. She has had a lot of questions but just because she wants to understand. My fat friend is the one that has been telling me from day #1 that I am crazy, going to Mexico is stupid, losing weight quickly is dumb, my health and life are in danger and she honestly isn't jealous. Now that I am losing weight she's floored that it really can happen.

Some skinny people are pretty darn cool. She already knows, you can't get the information back. So give her a chance. You might really hit it off. You don't know because you have been intimidated by her due to her size. Give her a chance, you might have just found a great friend.