Dont be a b***h

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

I've been using this site since last year and I try to be positive in all my responses and fortunately--I've not had a negative response to any of my posts.

I think many people who use this site are under a great deal of stress no mater what stage of the process they are in. Everyone communicates differently. Some people are much more direct and some perceive that directness as being brusque. Everyone's perception is their reality.

Have a good one y'all,

Kathleen

[Cody's mom 247]

@@elpasovet, so far you are the only negative person that I've seen so far on this site. Please don't attempt to create something that doesn't exist for your own personal entertainment. Everyone on here is here for a reason, emotional stability, someone to relate to, advice / direction and sometimes a shoulder to cry on (and sometimes the honest truth).

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

When I was preop and early days I seldom posted to this site as I thought it was mean...haha. i posted mostly to another site. What happened over time is I realized that the people here were often quite successful and while the choice of words may not have always been perfect, the main messages were very helpful to me in my success.

Now, years later, i have experienced the opposite which is being "yelled at" for answering a question. Occasionally, no matter how gently you think you are replying, if it is an answer a person does not want to hear they can get hostile. i don't take it personally as i realize that this is a tough and emotional process. I don't have all the answers, I just know what worked for me. I feel like through the help of my surgeon, NUT and many people who have gone before me and shared their knowledge I have found a solution to my lifetime of obesity and I hope I can help someone else from time to time along the way. I wish us all great success.

[docbree 199]

In my opinion, there are some snarky responses that show up on here from time to time. Some of them get deleted quickly by the administration. Others are clearly meant not to help, but to shame. A poster being told they didn't deserve surgery, just as one example. I don't see how that's just an honest response or tough love.

Bariatric Pal has been an invaluable source of information and inspiration. By a large majority, the people here are supportive and helpful, but I have seen some remarks over the past 1 1/2 years that are just plain mean.

Please don't beat me up for this post - just my opinion.

Edited August 27, 2014 by docbree

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

The original poster had put up a topic in the "Pre-op" section of BP titled "Bariatricpal scared me Sh**less".

I don't think any of the comments were negative as they were trying to be real and honest with you, I read through ever one as I was one of the people that commented on it. People are still posting under the thread even though you've made it quite clear your not ready for surgery, and that's fine..But you can simply delete the thread if you no longer wish to hear the opinions of others.

You seemed to take offense to some of the options others had. I've never had a negative experience here, yes there have been thing's said that I didn't want to hear, but I needed to hear them most of the time..

Edited August 27, 2014 by HalloweenBaby24

[docbree 199]

The original poster had put up a topic in the "Pre-op" section of BP titled "Bariatricpal scared me Sh**less".

I did see that thread, and I wasn't talking about that particular one. If that's what the OP was talking about, I didn't see anything I would consider b****y there.

Edited August 27, 2014 by docbree

[elpasovet 83]

In my opinion, there are some snarky responses that show up on here from time to time. Some of them get deleted quickly by the administration. Others are clearly meant not to help, but to shame. A poster being told they didn't deserve surgery, just as one example. I don't see how that's just an honest response or tough love. Bariatric Pal has been an invaluable source of information and inspiration. By a large majority, the people here are supportive and helpful, but I have seen some remarks over the past 1 1/2 years that are just plain mean. Please don't beat me up for this post - just my opinion.

Thank you for speaking out as I am in complete agreement with you :-)

[elpasovet 83]

The original poster had put up a topic in the "Pre-op" section of BP titled "Bariatricpal scared me Sh**less". I don't think any of the comments were negative as they were trying to be real and honest with you, I read through ever one as I was one of the people that commented on it. People are still posting under the thread even though you've made it quite clear your not ready for surgery, and that's fine..But you can simply delete the thread if you no longer wish to hear the opinions of others. You seemed to take offense to some of the options others had. I've never had a negative experience here, yes there have been thing's said that I didn't want to hear, but I needed to hear them most of the time..

Ummmm I wasn't even referring to my own thread. It was other threats and posts that have since been deleted but thanks for your response.

[elpasovet 83]

Sorry meant to say "thread" not threats.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I have talked about this issue many times and there seems to be many opinions about it. I feel you get more flies with honey and that driving your opinion home with a nine Iron can only hurt someone in the long run. That being said I also think that if you have an opinion you are welcome to it as it is a free country but I personally am not interested in hurting people, nor tickling ears. I am just interested in answering the questions the best way I know how. Through my own experience and what I have learned. The rest is up to the the readers to decide if what I say is valuable or not.

Following the forums rules is number one for me and the other is to teach and inform from my personal research and experience.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I hope you know I agree and feel you are the sweetest woman who offers outstanding advice on this forum!

However some of us are sometimes to terse and are hurtful without meaning to be. I ask everyone to cut each other some slack... no matter what you weigh we are in this together!

I have talked iabout this issue many times and there seems to be many opinions about it. I feel you get more flies with honey and that driving your opinion home with a nine Iron can only hurt someone in the long run. That being said I also think that if you have an opinion you are welcome to it as it is a free country but I personally am not interested in hurting people, nor tickling ears. I am just interested in answering the questions the best way I know how. Through my own experience and what I have learned. The rest is up to the the readers to decide if what I say is valuable or not.

Following the forums rules is number one for me and the other is to teach and inform from my personal research and experience.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I hope you know I agree and feel you are the sweetest woman who offers outstanding advice on this forum!

However some of us are sometimes to terse and are hurtful without meaning to be. I ask everyone to cut each other some slack... no matter what you weigh we are in this together!

I hope you know I agree and feel you are the sweetest woman who offers outstanding advice on this forum!

However some of us are sometimes to terse and are hurtful without meaning to be. I ask everyone to cut each other some slack... no matter what you weigh we are in this together!

I agree with you 100%. That is what I am trying to say. I have been told that I offend those sometimes who tell it like it is. Well I will not apologize for that. It will happen and I have had it happen to me. But like you said and I agree, we need to help each other not berate each other to make this forum successful.

I remember being so frightened and this site saved my bacon a few more times then I can count. Those people who were on here and experienced, been through it and knew the pain, mentally, emotionally and physically were there for me. Most of them are gone now!!!!!!!!!! So I try to emulate how they treated me. I can name them but it would fill a thread. I still wish they were here because they could encourage these new ones and those with problems and those like me who struggle every day to keep it together because of my complications and past life.

I have never seen you take shots at anyone and I respect your journey. I will try to stay as long as I can help others. when I become useless. I will go as well. Until then...I will fight to help in a kind manner. ( the best way I know how )

Thank you for your compliment by the way....I think you rock it too!!!!!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Please correct me if im wrong, but did I miss something ? Ive seen about 98 % positive remarks, and 2% negitive / snarky. Occasionally we all have a bad day, are cranky, vent a little too strongly, etc. We're human, and not perfect. But bullying ? Never seen it here. Do I need glasses ? Just wondering what I did'nt see, as I would'nt like anyone to think I was ever "bullying " etc for having a strong opinion. Just wondering. ................

I often think the word "bullying" is thrown around as a kind of power play. It's almost like a "who can say it first" game when a conversation gets heated, and it's honestly ridiculous. Other words that come to mind that are similarly used are "gang", "group mentality", "clique".

If you don't like what you are reading, skip it. If you don't like a certain poster, block them. It's easy.

[matt1912 316]

preach!

[elpasovet 83]

preach!

:-D