Weight Loss Surgery, Unloving Thoughts and Behaviors

[Sara Kelly Keenan LC 350]

Prior to Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) I had never considered that my relationship with food was unloving to my body and my spirit. I just knew I had impulses deep within me for comfort that food seemed to sooth and that I couldn't seem to "control" and I knew my body was unhealthy because of them. I would start the day at 7:00am when the alarm sounded and with my first semi-conscious thought I'd think, "Today's the day I change it all!" That thought would be followed within moments by the dreadful thought, "I wonder how long I'll make it today before I screw it all up? 9:30 a.m.? 10:30 a.m.?"

Because, without exception, the thought always came that I was destined to screw it up. It was only a matter of time. So I was unloving toward myself with this thought too. Then, when at whatever hour I did "screw up," the thoughts came about being a failure; a fat, out-of-control, slovenly failure! After WLS this continued and was often worse, since the pressure was "on" to lose and not regain. Everyone knew I'd had surgery and would know I was a failure on a whole new level if I didn't lose or regained. How's that for unloving thinking?

WLS surgery may prevent, for a while, the eating of large meals but it does not remove from us the need to break unhealthy patterns of thought or behavior with food and create healthy loving patterns in their place. When this work is not done a new kind of hellish relationship with food can begin and along with it continue all those unloving thoughts, which actually get worse much of the time.

On Message Boards and on Facebook I'm reading posts from people who have recently received surgery and are surprised to discover how much of the work they must still do, rather than the surgery doing the work. There are also the posts from people who received surgery months, even years in the past, who are struggling with unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Often, these are new behaviors that came into existence when the path to the pre-surgery behavior is blocked by the anatomical changes of surgery.

When an RNY patient post-op tries to eat a plate of french fries and reports being drawn to fried foods, even more than before surgery although there is physical pain each time, that is a new unloving, unhealthy behavior. When a LapBand patient considers "productive burping" or PBing a positive way to enjoy food and then vomit it without digesting and absorbing calories or nutrients that is a new unloving, unhealthy behavior. When a WLS patient stops exercising and stops eating Protein and vegetables first and foremost, relying on liquid forms of caffeine and sugar for energy, that is a new unhealthy behavior.

I know this experience firsthand. When I was newly "banded" in 2003 I would enjoy eating 2 shrimp and know that eating the third shrimp, which I of course ate, would bring-on pain and vomiting. Every meal ended at the railing of my deck with me vomiting into my backyard and I actually thought that was a good thing! I got to enjoy the shrimp and then...it was gone! Within 2 years I was living on liquids, with tight LapBand adjustments so that a sip of coffee sat uncomfortably in my stoma for many minutes before dribbling down. Eventually I ate large meals anyway so my esophagus became distended and stretched and is now capable of storing a large meal above the LapBand.

These surgeries are not cure-alls, as we are all warned before we receive them. I am shocked by how much we, me included, don't heed the warnings and find ourselves wandering down new, dangerous paths. If this is happening to you it is vitally important to work with someone who can help you with your thought patterns and behaviors. You can do this with a therapist, a nutritionist, a Certified Life Coach specializing in Bariatrics or a great support group. It is vital to create a place where it is safe for you to get help early with any unhealthy new behaviors that arise before they do real damage to the body and become entrenched in your mind.

Being morbidly obese is just an outward manifestation of behavior and beliefs that are unloving to us. Without addressing specifically those beliefs it will be difficult for most to experience an end to unloving, even violent, acts against the body and spirit as well as develop a healthy relationship with food long-term.

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

thank you so much for this. I've been struggling lately and this puts a lot of "stuff" into perspective for me. Wonderful insight into the real problems of obesity and over eating.

[Jack 855]

"Being morbidly obese is just an outward manifestation of behavior and beliefs that are unloving to us."

Spot on Ms. Keenan! IMHO of course.....

[Prudence Ticknor 75]

Such a beautiful article. thank you!

[Sara Kelly Keenan LC 350]

Thank you Jack, Prudence and 1Day. I'm so glad the article was helpful and the truths I see and feel had some meaning for you.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I needed to read this today. No matter how magical my new band is now, if I pick up unhealthy behaviors I can destroy all the good it does for me and harm myself as well. Thanks for the article.

Edited August 28, 2014 by JustWatchMe

[Sara Kelly Keenan LC 350]

For JustWatchMe,

The magic is in you, not the band. It's a tool, like a hammer. A hammer doesn't make a beautiful table. A carpenter does. You are the carpenter. You have the free will to make gorgeous furniture or smash your thumb! Make beautiful furniture with your tool.