Negative emotions

[TheNewJen14 7]

I know that surgery is not the easy answer. And I know I will work harder than I ever have and will have the best outcome.

However, today I am feeling a little negative. I sat talking to my boss and my co-worker (who, put together, weight as much as me). Both are very fit and very active. They track every calorie and work out frequently. Well, as they sat there talking about their eating habits and exercise habits, I immediately felt fatter than I ever have in my life. I just couldn't shrink far enough into my chair. I felt so resentful to them for making it look 'so easy'. I also felt so much envy that they could do it and I never could. And, truth be told, it really is not that difficult. You eat less than your body burns and you lose weight. I guess it's much easier in theory than it is in practice.

As I continue down my path, I am grateful that I finally found a tool that could help me get my life back. But with so many emotions flying around (including grief for the life lost already and excitement/fear for the life that lies ahead), I find that everything is a little more challenging right now.

I know I'll look back in year, a completely changed person, and feel so proud that I overcame all this.

[salem244 7]

I am so glad this has been posted. I have my surgery on the 3rd of September and am now on day 5 of the liver shrink diet. I am so fatigued and weak. My emotions are all over the place. I have been heavy a long time and now weigh almost 300. I am ashamed of my body but at the same time it is my fat shield. It protects me I feel defenseless about losing my body but want to be healthy and live longer. I talked to someone the other day about this and she told me that it is very understandable about having this shield and also the feeling you will lose your best friend- your weighty body. I don't know what I will be or how I will feel afterward. I know I am quite scared and depressed. I have been crying lately. My emotions are raw. I know I am rather negative now too and that bothers me too. I don't feel the excitement that others do and have even contemplated cancelling the surgery. I've had the excitement before but the negativity has thrown me for a loop. I sure would like to hear from others who have dealt with this.. I hope we can get through this.

[Ms. Laydee2014 9]

Don't cancel your surgery!!! What you're feeling is normal and let's just say that the negative feelings will pass the closer you get to your date.

I was "all over the board" emotionally prior to WLS--One day i'd be happy about the surgery then the next day I would feel the opposite.

Because I was a 20 year yo-yo dieter, I knew how the lose the weight but NOT how to keep it off. The result was more regain over & over & over again till I hit my highest weight of 330. I felt like a failure and the medical issues from being morbidly obese was more "pile on" of negativity. I couldn't walk up stairs, problems w/breathing walking to my car, sleep apnea, back pain, knee/joint pains, asthma, couldn't fit in booths at restaurants, airlines.... and so on.

Focus on the things that you plan to do once you get your health under control and ignore everything else. Put yourself (your health) FIRST this time. WLS is a tool to help you get to your goal but it's not a "cure-all" for everything going on in your life.

As far as the skinny co-workers chatting-- IGNORE THEM. Their story is NOT your story and YOUR JOURNEY is NOT their journey.

Check with the surgeons office to see if they have WLS support groups that meet and start going to the meetings. This helps me ALOT to hear the stories, tips etc from others that are in the same boat.

And know that even after the WLS, there will be good & bad days. I'm still on my WL journey and even on the worst days I don't regret having RNY done.

Good Luck to you both!!!!!

[TheNewJen14 7]

I am so glad this has been posted. I have my surgery on the 3rd of September and am now on day 5 of the liver shrink diet. I am so fatigued and weak. My emotions are all over the place. I have been heavy a long time and now weigh almost 300. I am ashamed of my body but at the same time it is my fat shield. It protects me I feel defenseless about losing my body but want to be healthy and live longer. I talked to someone the other day about this and she told me that it is very understandable about having this shield and also the feeling you will lose your best friend- your weighty body. I don't know what I will be or how I will feel afterward. I know I am quite scared and depressed. I have been crying lately. My emotions are raw. I know I am rather negative now too and that bothers me too. I don't feel the excitement that others do and have even contemplated cancelling the surgery. I've had the excitement before but the negativity has thrown me for a loop. I sure would like to hear from others who have dealt with this.. I hope we can get through this.

Hi Salem! I feel like part of what we are going through is like mourning a friend. I know for myself, I have turned to food for so many years to comfort myself and pick myself back up. Now I will have to find something else. Today I continued to work on my list of reasons to do the surgery. Tying my shoes without holding my breath of having to brace against something. Picking something up off the floor with my hand, not the very tips of my fingers. I have a lot of there that I read today and it somehow helped me remember that this is all for the good and in a year, we will be like the others... eating for nutrition, not for comfort, exercising, and finally LIVING. Because at 335 pounds, I am merely existing.

What you are going through is completely understandable. I read so many posts about people struggling through the pre-op diet. Rapid weight loss leads to some hormone changes that can affect mood. So, know that what is happening now is temporary. Picture yourself where you want to be a year from now.

You can private message me or email me anytime you feel ready to cancel. You have already been through so much by preparing for the surgery. You can do this!

[TheNewJen14 7]

Don't cancel your surgery!!! What you're feeling is normal and let's just say that the negative feelings will pass the closer you get to your date.

I was "all over the board" emotionally prior to WLS--One day i'd be happy about the surgery then the next day I would feel the opposite.

Because I was a 20 year yo-yo dieter, I knew how the lose the weight but NOT how to keep it off. The result was more regain over & over & over again till I hit my highest weight of 330. I felt like a failure and the medical issues from being morbidly obese was more "pile on" of negativity. I couldn't walk up stairs, problems w/breathing walking to my car, sleep apnea, back pain, knee/joint pains, asthma, couldn't fit in booths at restaurants, airlines.... and so on.

Focus on the things that you plan to do once you get your health under control and ignore everything else. Put yourself (your health) FIRST this time. WLS is a tool to help you get to your goal but it's not a "cure-all" for everything going on in your life.

As far as the skinny co-workers chatting-- IGNORE THEM. Their story is NOT your story and YOUR JOURNEY is NOT their journey.

Check with the surgeons office to see if they have WLS support groups that meet and start going to the meetings. This helps me ALOT to hear the stories, tips etc from others that are in the same boat.

And know that even after the WLS, there will be good & bad days. I'm still on my WL journey and even on the worst days I don't regret having RNY done.

Good Luck to you both!!!!!

Thank you, Ms. Laydee. I have a list of things that I am looking forward to and reading that again helped today. They say that nothing worth having is easy. So maybe all this hard work will all be worth it.

[salem244 7]

It's good to know I am not alone in what I feel. I truly never expected these emotions, but the feeling of being defenseless has been difficult. It has brought up feelings I have had in the past when traumatized. I think I am getting a grip on this though. I know I am not defenseless and now is not then. Your point about looking to what you can do is so right. I want to cross my legs and have not done that in so many years, if ever. I want to be able to look at a seat and not wonder if I can fit in it, or if I do sit in it will it be so tight that my hips are hurting. So many things that other people simply take for granted. I totally get it about tying your shoes and holding your breath, walking up stairs, or even stepping up on a curb on the street. I've got to look at the positive aspects of this and not the fear of it all. I have major depression so I am sure that influences all of it. Reading your posts has really helped though.. I'm not gonna cancel the surgery. It took me a year and a half to get here and a lot of struggle, so it would be far worse if I cancelled it. We will get through this won't we? Keep me posted on your journey.