Zoe 6 Posted October 10, 2004 Hi Lisa -- Glad to hear your husband at least apologized, but it sounds as if you know there's still anger simmering. What a shame that your band is bringing out his bad side, just when you need his support. You've taken a huge step to become healthier and happier, and it's a shame he's not really at your side for the journey. Is it jealousy and fear? Earlier anger issues coming to the surface? Who knows. All we know here is that you're doing great -- look at those weight-loss numbers! -- and you deserve to be treated better. I hope your husband realizes that if he doesn't change his ways he's going to lose a good woman who's been willing to look the other way with his own weight issues and who's beautiful at any size. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvharleys 15 Posted October 11, 2004 I'll second what Zoe said! Hang in there Lisa, we are here if you need us! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeLarla 22 Posted October 11, 2004 One of the major problems discussed in the band seminar was the marital problems that many of us face once we get banded. You have to make your husband understand that you are not on a diet, and that "normal" people occasional have a cinamon roll. Sure, a lot of people probably think that's not the best choice of food, but we are all learning moderation. Just keep letting him know that you love him and need him. Chris sometimes reminds me that I have too much food on my plate, but I just keep reminding him that every time he watches what I eat, it just makes me resent him and want to eat more. Little by little he's catching on. But I have other major food issues with my husband because he often eats like a ravenous wolf. He eats from his plate while staring daggers at my food. It freaks me out, like I have to hide and protect it from him. He'll stab at my plate and mess it all up. I'll be trying to eat small and slow, but I find myself eating faster so he can't get to it. I swear, when he's done with something, he'll toss the scrap across the table onto my plate, as if my plate is a garbage can. When I ask "why" he says, "I thought you'd want the last bite." When I'm eating popcorn he crams his hand so hard and tears the package and smashes it into tiny bits then crams the entire handful in his mouth. He's got me so popcorn-paranoid that I refuse to share popcorn even with a friend. NO, get your own! I don't mind sharing, hell, I'll even give him half my plate, but nothing is ever enough for him. If I give him half my steak, he'll eat it while staring at my other half. But at the same time he's staring and stabbing at my food, he's tossing stuff on my plate or feeding me. He loves eating with a partner, but he's not helping my band. It's either him saying I ordered too much, or him trying to cram an enormous bite of something in my mouth when my mouth is already full. He'll never learn. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaMG 5 Posted October 11, 2004 I thought I had problems!LOL:D Thats something I need to do....let him know I love him and NEED him. When I met Tom I needed him badly. He seemed to be a knight in shining armor riding on a white horse rescuing me. He offered stability, unconditional acceptance, and support (emotional and financial). We both married each other for other reasons than "love" or infatuation is what I call it. As a matter of fact we did'nt even tell each other we loved each other until AFTER he proposed and I accepted. He was'nt some buff sexy studd and I was a was'nt some sexy beauty queen straight off the cover of penthouse. As a matter of fact I was 8 mo. pregnant when we met! (people still gasp when they find that out about us) they think Tom is the natural father to all of our children. He is in some ways. He was there when she was born and he has legally adopted her so she would carry his last name. (sweet) I had a list of things I was looking for in a man and he happened to meet all of them! My guess is thats the way it happened with him also. We do talk about these things often. We usually talk about EVERYTHING! Thats why this is such a curve ball. I do plan on talking to him about getting counceling since these things are surfacing. Hopefully he will be open to this one day soon. I've gotta start now on preparing him. It usually takes a few times of me suggestingsomething before he catches on. It took 1 year for him to agree to me getting any sort of WLS. Thank you ladies for all your support this is great to be able to open up and not get condemned for having marital problems. TTFN Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
New Hope 37 Posted October 11, 2004 Lisa, perhaps you need to go see the counselor by yourself at first. Then he/she can advise you how to approach your husband about coming to a counselor. P. S. I think you must have a pretty special relationship. Both our sons are adopted and it certainly doesn't make us love them any less. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeLarla 22 Posted October 11, 2004 Marie, that's funny! We went to a counselor... ONCE. Chris almost beat the guy up. Chris said, "what the hell do you know, you sit behind a desk all day." I was horrified and totally embarrassed, so we never went back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
New Hope 37 Posted October 11, 2004 Delarla, I didn't mean it to be funny! I was directing it to Lisa Green and this thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kyleighp 3 Posted October 11, 2004 Lisa Green, i have the same situation with my husband (we met when I was 8 mos. pregnant.) He adopted my son and mostly everyone thinks that he is my son;s natural father. i would really like to talk to you about some of the hardships we are facing now. please email me, kyleighp@aol.com. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kyleighp 3 Posted October 11, 2004 i am in the chat room! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeLarla 22 Posted October 11, 2004 OOOPPS... I forget there are more than one of me! Lisa, the whole "Zoe" thing confuses me. What's up? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaMG 5 Posted October 13, 2004 Hey ladies, Just wanted to let you know things are alot better now than before. Dark clouds gone. Sunshine peeking in! Tom is off to Arkansas AGAIN for the third time this month or so. Do you think he's the one having the affair? People are worried about me wondering from Tom but Tom's the one i'm wondering about! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zoe 6 Posted October 13, 2004 Originally posted by DeLarla OOOPPS... I forget there are more than one of me! Lisa, the whole "Zoe" thing confuses me. What's up? When I first signed up on this board, I discovered there were so many other Lisas (including two other Lisa Gs) that I decided to use the name of one of my other personalities! Zoe writes bad spoofs of song lyrics a la Allan Sherman, so I figured she'd be at home with this crazy bunch. That's my story, and my name, and I'm sticking to it! I divulged my secret agent identity when I sent DeLarla boxes of clothes, in case there was any problem with the delivery . . . now I'm going back underground as Zoe Fiasco. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaMG 5 Posted October 13, 2004 Zoe I did'nt know your name was lisa too! Now i'm over here chanting, spoofs! spoofs! we want spoofs! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeLarla 22 Posted October 13, 2004 Okay, Zoe. So I've been having conversations with the wrong Lisa about the clothes she sent, and she's thinking I'm insane and not responding. So we have YOU to thank! You had me really confused, even though you have great taste in clothing! Thank you for contributing. I took Monday off work to recoup, so I put on your tall jeans (perfectly broken in, thank you) with a Harley Jamaica shirt that Penni got me. I took off on my motorcycle all day long. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvharleys 15 Posted October 13, 2004 Lisa G. I am glad to hear things are going better for you. Maybe you both needed a little distance from each other to just think a little and when he comes home he will be a different man:D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
