Bad Day

[LisaMG 5]

Today was a bad day. I have a really strong urge to feed my face. I'm not hungry, I know I'm not. I went and got .3 of a fill today on top of things. Lots of restriction right now.

I'm so frustred right now I want to cuss.

My husband and I are at odd ends with each other.

8 years of marriage and my problem with food has'nt been an issue in our marriage until now. He's paid for me to have this surgery and spent a night in the hospital & his POV has changed.

He's fed up with watching me "stuff my face morning, noon and night day in and day out." *cuss word*

When he told me that, I reacted instead of being the "mature" one admitt that I have a problem and thank him for pointing my problem out. *double cuss word*

I told him he was the pot calling the kettle black! Well, he really flared up then. So, now we are not talking after he tore me down a little more. *cuss, cuss, cuss*

Sorry to vent, I'm just hurt right now.

Sorry, I just realized this was posted in introductions......

[Penni60 45]

Lisa: It sounds like he is not understanding that getting the band placed is NOT the miracle to weight loss. That it is a TOOL to be used to help you loose the weight.

I have always made a rule in my home that NO ONE goes to bed mad at each other. Go rub his shoulders and kiss him on the head and tell him that you understand he is frustrated and concerned about your weight loss issues and that you are too.

You need his support and understanding right now. And if he doesn't give it to you then we are always here for you.

I hear your frustration loud and clear.

[LisaMG 5]

Thank you Penny, I don't understand where all of his frustrations are coming from because we've talked about how this band is a tool and not a magic solution.

It's 3 A.M. and I'm still up. I don't want to go lay beside him in that bed. Yes, he went to bed still mad at me and me at him.

I know what he wants, he wants me to tell him that hes right. Admitt that I have a problem. Then cuddle up to him and reward him for being an A$$. NOT happening.

I am not a fat pig that eats all day long. I do like to snack when I should'nt. I also eat too many sugars.

This argument would'nt be so bad if he did'nt live off of fast food. This critisism is coming from a man that orders from James Coney Island :2 james coneys hot dogs with chili and cheese, french fries, a large chili w/cheese, and a supersize Dr. Pepper. He literally eats like that everyday of his life and is as obese as I am from it. We've always weighed around the same amount.

Now that I have this band in me everytime he sees me eating bad foods like sugar he gets all upset.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had simular problems since getting the band.

One of the reasons I married Tom was for not judging me for being overweight. He says he's fed up with listening to me be unhappy about my weight and thats why he's not putting up with things anymore. He actually justified his actions of tearing me down.

Am I wrong, should I welcome his attempts to set me straight?

[Iluvharleys 15]

Lisa -

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Maybe he just had a really bad day or something. Maybe he just doesn't understand that we still have to eat as a normal person, just less of it. Maybe he is so unhappy with himself right now, and he is taking it out on you. I think I would sit him down and talk to him about how things really are. Tell him the reason you went with the band is because you can eat like a normal person. You have been losing weight, and maybe that is a threat to him also, and he just doesn't want to admit it.

I hope you get things straighted out, if you need to talk to me, I am here.

[Marimaru 7]

Yikes...

Reading what he said to you really struck a nerve with me. I mean, to say that AFTER you've had a SURGERY to help you with your 'problem', and AFTER you've lost over 20 lbs in less than three months. Especially to know you guys are about the same size (or were...). grr. *climbs on top of irritation* Maybe he's jealous. Maybe he doesn't feel like he has the courage to go through what you did to try and solve his problem like you did for yours and he's taking it out on you. My mom once told me after my surgery that I was her hero. Now, she paid for my surgery, so I coughed and said "I'm YOUR hero?!". She said that alot of people even if given the opportunity that I was given would have spent all their time trying to find an excuse or reason not to get the surgery done. I had felt that way about the bypass, I wouldn't have gotten that done if it was the only option, but the band I had no hesitation about. Anyway, I think that maybe if you can have some conversation (depending on how open a guy he is) you may find he's got more hangups about himself than you, but he isn't handling his frustration well. Unfortunately most men (no offense guys) don't really like to have conversations like that. I think in most cases they'd very much rather point out the problems with other people than admit they have one of their own.

Anyhow, I think that you have already taken huge steps to 'set yourself straight' and if he thinks he's trying to be helpful he may want to think about his words more carefully.

I hope things get better

[LisaMG 5]

I was thinking the same thing Betty, maybe hes terrified I'm gonna get skinny and leave him.

I did tell him he was being ugly, and that he was a negative person. Thats probly why he went to bed angry. But, i'm not gonne passively allow a man to belittle me. He needs to lighten up. I am doing better than ever on what and how much I eat. He seen me eat a cinnamon roll for Breakfast yesterday thats what started this whole thing. I have lost 25 lbs. in less than three months.

I think I need to quit telling him my thoughts and worries about my weight if he's gonna take it upon himself to try to"fix" the problem. I realize it's the man in him that wants to fix things I complain about. He needs to be supportive not bring me down. I get enough of that BS from others.

He would have a fit if I tried to do the same thing to him.

Yuck I'm rambling again. I feel guilty talking about my husband but a woman needs to talk.

[Iluvharleys 15]

Don't feel bad about talking about it here, we all need to vent at times, and this is a good place to do it. After all, this is a support board and that is what we give.

We all need to be able to eat something once in a while that we aren't supposed to, after all we are human. If we could just automatically give up everything that was bad for us, we wouldn't have gotten the band to start with. I had a doctor that once told me if you are really really really craving something, it is best for you to eat it and get your craving under control If you don't, you will eat a ton of other stuff just trying to controll it. I was craving pizza so bad one time, so when I was at the store they were giving away samples, I ate a tiny piece and low and behold the craving went away. If I was wanting that cinnamon roll really bad, I would have ate it and then I wouldn't have wanted it anymore.

You didn't do anything wrong Lisa, he just isn't seeing it the way we do. I think he is jelous and is having a hard time dealing with your weight loss. Men (sorry guys) have a tendancy to say things to hurt us when actually they are unhappy with themselves. Maybe one of the guys here will give their side to the story!

I hope he will listen to you, and try to be more understanding in the future. Maybe a good sit down talk will help.

Hugs!

[Zoe 6]

Oh Lisa, what a drag. It sounds like your husband is thinking about food the way most dieters do -- there's "forbidden stuff" never to be touched, at peril of ballooning up. Come to think of it, only six weeks into banded life, I still have to remind myself that this is not reality.

If you are craving a cinnamon roll (and your band won't force it back up), go ahead and have one. I don't know about you, but pre-band I might have first denied myself what I wanted, then started obsessing about it, then wind up buying out the whole bakery because I couldn't get sweet stuff off my mind -- a much worse result than if I'd just had a single pastry in the first place.

I hope that you are feeling better since the fight last night. Remember, you have made incredible progress since you were banded! Banding was a great choice for you. And getting the band is a way to have a (semi-) normal life while losing weight. No more living on cottage cheese and grapefruit. I hope your husband comes around and finally understands that you are a SUCCESS story, and you're still successfully on the road to your goal. . . cinnamon roll and all. Let us know how you're doing.

[LisaMG 5]

You girls are great. I should come crying to you everytime! No, we hav'nt talked about things yet but, we will tonight when we all get home.

I was off taking care of my grandparent today. Bless thier hearts they rely on me for everything now days. The one day I felt like sitting at home and not getting out they call.

I'de hate to be in thier shoes....completely reliant on others to go places and get things done. My grandpa gave up driving about 6 years ago due to emphazema and I've been thier wheels every since. Grandma never drove to begin with. What kind of woman dos'nt learn to drive? I guess thats the way it was back then.

Gotta go for now hes home.....

[whippledaddy 5]

Hope you've made up by now.

It sounds like he has issues beyond what you argued about. And remember, he may not even know what those issues are. We fellas aren't too well equipped in the feelings department.

We can recognize that we're upset, but if we don't have a solid reason to explain why (the brakes are out on the car again) we get a little lost. We're a little like someone trying to swim in a mud ocean with no idea where the shore is.

He might be suffering from a bad self image. It's harder for us to explain the difficulties of being overweight, because we don't always understand that's what's bothering us. If he too is heavy (I prefer the word "fat" but try not to hurt others feelings) he may indeed be feeling that you're leaving him behind.

There may be some jealousy. "Geez, she get's to eat a cinnamon roll (guys crave cinnamon the way women crave chocolate: little known fact) and with her fancy schmancy new surgery it won't slow her weight loss down."

Maybe he's aware of what a true treasure he has, and is feeling a little threatened. Not to get too personal but it's obvious from your pic that you're a hottie, and the weight loss is only adding to that image. If he thinks he's not a hottie, he could be feeling a little cold and scared right now.

The difference between men and boys is that we're taller. Our petulant little wronged brat boy self will come out. We'll shoot our mouths off, and then, too cowardly to ask for forgiveness we'll try to tough it out, like we are full of righteous indignation.

Good luck.

Oh, and ladies, I can tell from all your pictures here that you are all hotties. Ain't I lucky? But, it's your souls, all of you, that bring the true beauty, and it....is.....staggering.

[LisaMG 5]

O.K thats a first to be called a "Hottie". I'm flattered.

Thank You ALL for being so supportive.

All my life I've heard, "Lisa your so beautiful IF ONLY you'de loose weight."

By the time they reach the IF ONLY part the compliment they are paying me is gone. Why not stop BEFORE the IF ONLY?

Tom does tell me all the time that I'm beautiful. And he never attaches a IF ONLY to it. Thats why it shocked me to hear him say the things he did.

We did talk and I feel alot better. He apologized for being an animal. He said he did'nt mean to hurt me. I can believe that BUT theres obviosly something bothering him for him to attack me like that.

I think he has to come to terms with me loosing weight and knowing I'm not gonna leave him.

In the meantime the character assasination has to stop! I can hope that he will behave himself but something tells me his anger issues are gonna get in the way of us growing closer. Breaks my heart to say that.

I'm attaching a photo so yall can see us as a couple. I'll work on getting a new pic of us and share it with you then.

This pic was taken at our church during a fund raiser dinner a couple years ago. Tom and I was working the floor that night (play hostess and waitress and waiter) so we were both wore out. That was a long day. I also had decorated for the event also so needless to say I was dog tired.

[Rebeccalee 2]

I'm glad you are doing better, Lisa. I'm sure Tom is feeling very insecure about your relationship and all the changes. And of course, we go through many changes in our banding journeys.

My husband has had to adjust to this new life almost as much as I have. I think he has fears of how my weight loss will affect us. I've tried to assure him and give him the extra attention he needs. Right after banding it was rough because I was dealing with my own intense changes and had little time to deal with his. Making the extra effort now has made a big difference in how he feels.

I can understand how his rudeness has put a hurdle in front of you that will take some work to get over. Only you know if it is worth it. Hope things are getting better between you already.

[LisaMG 5]

Keli,

So sorry to haer of your B/F doing that to you. Men can be animals at times. Look at it this way, be glad you did'nt marry him first then find out later his heart was elsewhere.

You don't have any girl friends? I'll be your girl friend! Pick me, choose me, Right hear!LOL!

You live in Florida right? Ihave a friend that lives there. She lost her job due to the hurricanes but her house was not touched. She came down to Tx. for a week when that last hurricane came through. So, now she has to find another job. And she suppose to go to Scottland soon for a whole month. I don't know how thats gonna work out now.

Whats your story on your band? How are you doing? How much of a fill do you have? I forgot to read your signature all this info. might be posted there.

I just got a 2nd fill and it's difficult! I eat 2 bites and i'm full! I always thought that would be bliss but it literally gives me a headache until the food passes. I've never been one to get head aches so this is misserable for me. I might need to get a little taken out but i'm loosing real good now. I'll see if I can live with it for a couple of weeks and go from there.

Oh yeah, this forum does have a chat room look at your top bar and click on chat (after you invite someone to chat with you of course)

I'm outa here. It's late and i'm finally tired.

TTFN

[bushbaby 8]

Lisa I am glad that everything is going better for you.n I wanna be your friend too. Hey there is one thing I wanted to say about you and your hubby. If he has anger issues you should probably seek some counsling. It shouldn't come to blows (not literlay) for couples to get help. You both are going through changes because of you weightloss and as you shrink your husband may feel as if he is gertting larger or (happining to my hubby now that I weigh less than him) Sometimes you can't do it alone. Men don't usually seek the council of other men (that's why they die younger) It has been changing our lives. My husband went alone through our insurance...he had private issues....and we went together to our pastor. It made a beig difference. Good Luck!

[LisaMG 5]

Rica, Your so sweet I'de love to be your friend too!

I think your right on with the things you shared about men and how they don't seek council of thier own and die young from it.

We have sought council before with a mature couple from our church beore over anger issues. It helped alot. I see changes to this day from that session. He has even taken anger management classes at our church, that seemed to help a little on how he handles his anger.

These simptoms seem to die down for awhile then they blow like a volcano. When that happens I get scared and think I'de rather live alone than live with a man with anger problems.

I know we both need to seek help with all the changes and anger issues.

I get unhappy and find it miserable to live with these anger issues. This past episode has put me behind 4 days now. I get to feeling bad and become depressed when anger like a dark cloud hangs over my house. I hate it.:cry

I'm still recouping, I could'nt seem to find the will power to drag myself to church today.

Yes, he has appologized but I know what lies beneath the surface. Thats whats scary. Anger controls it dominates it's misery to live with.

Well, I've said enough for now. gotta go cook.....I'm trying some of the recipes on that recipe thread we have! Yum, Yum, maybe I'll be able to eat today!

TTFN Thank for listening to me ramble my worries away:)