Mental vs. Physical Disconnect

[matt1912 316]

I was 300 lbs at surgery. I am now 194. I know I have lost 100 lbs. I wear much smaller clothes. People tell me I look great. I KNOW ALL OF THAT. However, my brain does not believe it. Let me try to explain this....

EXAMPLE 1: I was having a conversation with 2 football coaches last week. Both of them are very overweight. Coach 1 makes a comment similar to "I tried to jump to the left and just couldn't stop and just kept on going..." Coach 2 says "Maybe lose that gut and you might could" I chime in, "big guys like us aren't too graceful are we?" The tone until I opened my mouth was one of lighthearted fun. BUT- When I grouped my self in the "big guys" group - they both looked at me like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU AREN'T FAT LIKE US. I honestly had to process what was happening. They OBVIOUSLY took offence to my statement about all 3 of us being overweight. I was uncomfortable and didn't know why.

EXAMPLE 2: I am a professional tennis player. When someone hits a shot i cant get to- that I think i should have gotten to- I say "HUrry up fat*ss" sometimes out loud to myself. 2 nights ago I missed a shot and said that outloud - obviously to myself- and my partner walked over laughing and said "You know you arent fat anymore." TOTAL SYSTEM SHOCK

I had not realized that other people don't see me how my mind sees me. I still mentally believe i am very very overweight...until I look in a mirror. I suppose i underestimated the mental adjustment that I obviously have to make when it comes to my self image.

DO ANY OF YOU EXPERIENCE THIS? ANY THING BUT TIME CURE THIS?

HELP ME OUT...

Edited August 22, 2014 by matt1912

[Rovobay 920]

I expect that it will take some mental rewiring that will occur naturally over time for that to kick in. I can see myself in that same type of situation. you basically gave birth to a petite woman over the last 4 months. pick up 2 50lb dumbbells and walk around with those for a bit. I bet it would be shocking.

[Dolores33778 248]

I can totally relate. I will always be a big girl and have a really hard time seeing myself as anything else.....until I pass a mirror.

As far as a cure....not sure I want to be cured. I never want to forget that feeling.

[oceanbreeze 17]

Matt1912 - so so impressive. I am on week 6 so new to this whole thing but happy to be here!! I did not read your history but super interested. Just wanted to confirm - were you sleeved just this past April? May I ask where? Just curious and impressed with your results which I am assuming come from both diet and exercise. Congrats on the milestone!!

[Nurselori 37]

MATT1912, what you're experiencing is often referred to as "phantom fat". It's actually very common but can take awhile to get over. It's like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Often we are subconsciously still overwhelmed about our former weight problems and probably somewhat afraid we will regain the weight. Other people your weight never give it much thought because they've not been obese. I mean, if you and one of your co-workers,for example, weighed the same but he had been that size most of his life.....then he hasn't had to go through the journey you have AND he's had years to be accustomed to his weight. You need to find someway to condition yourself emotionally. Perhaps putting your before and after pics on you fridge or in your wallet where you will see the transformation often. Or get out some of your old "fat" clothes and compare on a regular basis. Be proud of all you've accomplished. Give yourself credit, clearly you've had to work hard to make this transformation. It's time to let go of the old Matt. He's not coming back

I recently read about this topic in an article by a woman named Jacquelin Stenson when doing some WLS research. I'm having my surgery (sleeve) October 14th. Good luck to ya Matt....

[Nurselori 37]

Another quick thought....if you had to have your leg amputated, it would no doubt take some serious time to adjust to that change in appearance, right? Same with major weight loss....big, major change in appearance as well.

[FairySleeve 297]

I've been losing weight since March until now I've lost around 44 lbs and people are excited about my new look (or old look almost 10 years ago).

I think now I have to take sometimes to really digest the reality and how I actually feel about it.

I feel GREAT I've lost 44 lbs but I still consider that I'm big for my size.

Then I came to think that I USED TO carry the same weight 4 years ago but I never felt this great, so I think what really please me now is the feeling of losing weight, not the weight itself.

I started to see myself thin in my dreams, and it didn't surprise me, I naturally recognised that the thin woman in my dreams was me. I guess that's how my mind is adjusting and tuning the body to the mind.

Well, it's still a long way to go for me, but at what size ever that this surgery will take me to, I will totally appreciate it. I will always remember how it felt at my peak weight to remind myself to maintain the weight and not to go back there again.

[macman 603]

I agree with the taking time to adjust part of the equation. Every time I put on my new (40 waist) pants I say to myself "You are never going to fit into these"! But I do! I am not a vain person but I find myself looking in the mirror and asking myself "who is that"?

I think it does take time to develop a new self image. I have also had some very real balance issues that the doctors are attributing to my weight loss. I was told that the body has made adjustments in gait and balance based on my pre surgery weight. I was at the peak weight for about 10 years. The body and brain need time to co ordinate at the newer, lower weight.

[byebyebelly 79]

I can so relate....

[oceanbreeze 17]

Something that helped me realize my new reality today. Went out to lunch and sat at a booth that used to be so tight - not a prob today! Perspective.

[matt1912 316]

OMG THE DREADED BOOTH! Hated them -now I'm unafraid of the slide in

[matt1912 316]

Ocean, to answer your questions:

I was sleeved April 17, 2014

I was sleeved by Dr Byars in Oxford, MS

I work out at least 3 times a week (at least 5 miles cardio and tennis)

My diet is about 80% liquid and 20% solid food- Protein Shakes, sugar free Gatorade, a lot of water... My food rule is "if it has feet, I don't eat" - all animal Protein is hard for me, with fish being the only exception. I am an accidental vegetarian- with a fish exception.

[matt1912 316]

Oceanbreeze, to answer your questions:<br> I was sleeved April 17, 2014<br> I was sleeved by Dr Byars in Oxford, MS<br> I work out at least 3 times a week (at least 5 miles cardio and tennis)<br> My diet is about 80% liquid and 20% solid food- Protein Shakes, sugar free Gatorade, a lot of water... My food rule is "if it has feet, I don't eat" - all animal Protein is hard for me, with fish being the only exception. I am an accidental vegetarian- with a fish exception.

[matt1912 316]

Thanks for all the good comments!

[MichiganChic 3,262]

@@matt1912 I think this is a strange yet natural response. I was so used to my weight and self loathing of it that I blamed everything on it - and usually that was truly where the blame belonged! My weight really did hold me back in ways that I didn't want to acknowledge. I got used to that, and my weight became more that just my weight, it became ME. It was synonymous with me, the two concepts going hand in hand. It's hard to change that after years of living it, but it does change over time. But I was morbidly obese for 30 years, so I don't think 18 months is long to develop a new self-concept.

My eye can see I'm thinner, my brain sees it (and likes it!), and my clothes are normal size. So, intellectually, I know I'm of a normal weight. I don't have to worry that I won't fit places, that I'll break chairs, that I'll stand out as the biggest woman in the room. I thoroughly love and enjoy that! But I'm not sure I'll ever totally get over that fat girl thinking. A couple of weeks ago I made a comment like you mentioned - something to the effect that I couldn't have some sort of food in my house because I'm a fat girl.....and I'm sure I offended the very overweight co-worker without intending to! She's probably my pre-surgery size, but she never knew me as a different size than I am now, so probably thinks I'm crazy! But to me, I still identify with that person.