Shame

[briefs199 337]

Have been really thinking about who I am going to tell about my surgery and I have so much admiration for those here that tell everyone. But I questioned why I wouldn't tell anyone and it really comes down to deep shame about my weight. It's not just shame about the way I look. It's deeper. It's shame because I cannot control what goes in my mouth. It's intense embarrassment about having to get WLS to get my weight under control. I need to learn to overcome this shame and I'm not if it comes from having to be perfect or something deeper. I'm not sure this is a question but more something I felt I had to admit "publicly".

[sylvia45 29]

Don't be ashamed , we r being blessed with a tool to help us . So many of us have tryed on r own and couldn't do by r selfs . This is definitely ain't know easy way out. We r all struggling with our weight . And don't like the fact that we r over weight. But that's why we r here is to lift each other up. Nobody perfect . We r just trying to the same thing . I'm here for support anytime cause honestly I need just as much .

[Leepers 1,195]

I know what you mean. I have told mostly everyone about my band, but kinda in the same theme, I am constantly asked how much weight I've lost. By men and women acquaintances at work. It's gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to say I've lost 110 pounds because it's hard to admit that I was that overweight. So, even if you choose not to tell people about your surgery, be prepared for all of the curiosity that you will be bombarded with. They mean well but...

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Nobody is ashamed when they go to AA meetings for a drinking problem, Rebab for a drug problem, or use a nicotine patch for a smoking problem. Everyone thinks well of them for getting healthy ! Well, food is an addiction too, but people forget that. You're just getting help in a surgical way. Good for you for getting smart about your future and your health! You have NOTHINGto be ashamed of ! Good luck !

[BrownEyes82 9]

I'm scheduled for surgery in about two weeks and the only people that know are my parents - and even then I was embarrassed to talk to them about it. They are both supportive (in fact, my dad got the CareCredit loan in his name so I could get a better rate approved) but understand why I don't want anyone knowing either. Like you, I am ashamed that I can't fix this problem on my own and I can't stop eating the way that I do now. I know that I need something that is going to MAKE me stop eating and something that will get me feeling better so I can start exercising - because right now that is pure torture. I hate that I've let myself get this way and I hate that it has come to this, but I know I deserve a better life than the one I'm living right now and I can't fix the problem on my own. I'm hoping beyond all hope that I'm successful with this procedure and maybe if I am I will start telling other people, but right now I just don't want to do it. Hopefully you have at least one supportive person that can be there for you and if nothing else, there seem to be a ton of supportive people on this site - and I look forward to sharing my journey with them!

*fingers crossed*

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Browneyes, you are right on with your comment of " I deserve a better life, etc " Oh so true ! I started out about the same weight as you ( but 5 inches shorter, sigh.........) but I can only tell you from my experience, it was the best and smartest thing I could of done for myself. The surgery and recovery was easy, I followed my Dr rules most of the time , listened to my body about fills, exercised , and the weight came off. I couldnt be happier ! I can live my life again without my weight holding me back ! Hope all goes well for you ! Good luck !!!

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

Have been really thinking about who I am going to tell about my surgery and I have so much admiration for those here that tell everyone. But I questioned why I wouldn't tell anyone and it really comes down to deep shame about my weight. It's not just shame about the way I look. It's deeper. It's shame because I cannot control what goes in my mouth. It's intense embarrassment about having to get WLS to get my weight under control. I need to learn to overcome this shame and I'm not if it comes from having to be perfect or something deeper. I'm not sure this is a question but more something I felt I had to admit "publicly".

Good luck with your new journey. Most people don't know about my band and it's 2 years. I am keeping it that way. I am ashamed about my weight problems. Why can't I do it on my own. I have failed many times. I am almost 64.

Tell people if you want

[KDS5000 10]

Wow I understand and can relate to what everyone is saying. I was banded last Thursday and am so happy for doing it. Though the night after the surgery I did say..."Why did I allow this to happen to me, give me pain medicine....lol" but really I am so glad. I have told a few close friends and that is it. Not for sure why I have kept it quiet. I have heard things about others who have had WLS and people say that they are cheating taking the surgery route. I think that is a stupid statement. For years I yo yo dieted, some success and much failure. I had personal trainers and diet after diet. But still there were issues.

In my mind there should be no shame, I do not look at it as cheating. We still all have to work on it and apply ourselves to make it happen. It is a tool to use to help us nothing more nothing less.

It does help too. I saw Dr yeaterday and since my surgery last week I have taken no medicines at all. I was taking Metformin and Glipizide for sugar, My readings have been outstanding since surgery. 99, 103, 101, etc. The Doc said just watch your readings and maybe you may break free from the meds!!!!! Such good news to my ears.

My knees already feel better. The pain is subsiding. I read for every pound you lose it takes 4 pounds of pressure off of your knees. WOW! If I am cheating....well so be it.

So what is there is be ashamed of? I eventually will tell people about my WLS after I have some significant results. There are so many people who do not know what it is to fight obesity. It is real! So right now I am just here in this forum to talk and have a good time and to learn ways to help me from all of you nice people.

Thanks to all who have already replied to me in other post.

Take Care!

Keith

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I only told five people for the first few months. Later I told a few more. But I don't tell the pounds lost to acquaintances. I say I've lost "a lot" and I'm about halfway to goal. If they press me for a number, I laugh and say "you KNOW I'm not telling you that number, right?" And that generally does it. People have been supportive, but some things are private.

[CarmenLeAn 99]

Hi. I was so ashamed of how much weight I gained. I told only my closest family members and my best friends. For the most part everyone was very supportive. I had an aunt( like a sister and she is also obese) said I wish you would try nutrisystem or something like that. I told her no this is what I am doing. After that conversation I gave her information to read up on. She never said anything negative about it again. I am still ashamed of that person. I am not that person anymore.

I tell people about my surgery if they ask. I even tell them how much weight I have lost. I was told this weekend that I was an inspiration. That made me feel good. I feel better now than I have in the last 15 years. There are days I still struggle, but I'm ok with that. I am a work in progress.

When I feel that shame rising in me (and it does) I stand in front of a mirror and look at myself. I am pround of the new me. Good luck. We will be here if you need us