Success is what YOU make it!

[chasingadream 1,311]

Well, I am coming off my summer hiatus and am returning feeling successful after 11months with lap band and plication.

My time away this summer has given me time to reflect and revise my plan as to where I want to finally be as far as my WLS journey goes.

I just returned from a trip to Hershey Park with my 4 & 7 year old and am measuring my success in all new ways now. This is the first real get away vacation since I had my surgery last September. I went on rides and was much less fearful of the ride restraints not fitting….they ALL did! I was happy not to be that "fat mom" that I saw get off the roller coaster before the attendant came over to check that the restraint was locked….she could not get the restraint to lock and left her son to ride alone. I silently cried for that mom because that was me a year ago in Disney….but unlike her I was not brave enough then to even try that for fear of being embarrassed or embarrassing my kids. I am not judging her at all but I am glad that I am no longer in that situation, for myself and my kids.

I often find myself looking at people (especially ladies and moms) and thanking the stars that I am no longer at "that point". I see myself in others now (the old me)…and although I am not judging anyone because I lived as obese for so so so many years but I find myself thinking…that was you….that is what you looked like…that is how you moved…that is how others saw you….it makes me feel sad at times.

But as I look to the successes I've had Im happy to have lost 93 pounds in the past 11months. I look now at reaching that goal number I picked out of the air…off "those" charts that say what i "should" weigh given my age and height and I wonder if 140 is realistic for me. Although I haven't been online on this site I have been lurking around and reading all of these posts about stalls and not reaching your goal and its made me think….I've held the same weight for the past 3 months. I haven't been the poster child for lap band surgery….especially this summer….Im off for the summer and with that comes off schedule. I've enjoyed my summer SO much. I've eaten (sometimes too much and have felt it), good choices (although not always), I've even gained a pound….at first i cried and beat myself up over that pound than I got a grip….in the past…that would have been 10 pounds….i've basically maintained my weight for 3 months while eating and enjoying….what a success that is.

People tell me I've lost enough and I look great. What they don't know is Im still about 190 lbs (almost 50 lbs from THAT goal number) and when I tell them that they all say "WOW--you look more like 160. I even had the plastic surgeon tell me how narrow I was…that was nice to hear. I watch people here torture themselves about getting to THAT number…and then they go below it and that is all and fine…but I realized that I am still successful w/o reaching THAT number. I want to eat like a real person and not worry that every morsel of food is going to put 5 lbs back on me. I want to live with food and enjoy it and not be in a constant state of panic….in my opinion there is WAY MORE to being successful than just reaching that number we assign ourselves.

My successes lie here…..

93 pounds off my 5'4" frame

Biking 12 miles

Walking w/o knee or back pain anymore

Going on amusement rides (even kiddie ones) with my kids and not feeling panic.

Able to walk around museums/zoos etc for 6-7 hours w/o having to sit down every 10 mins.

Looking in the mirror and LIKING who and what I see

Fitting into size 12 pants and size 16 shirts

Feeling ok w/myself to go consult w/ the plastic surgeon to remove the excess belly and skin

Eating….good and bad at times

Normal BP

Not obsessing with the scale everyday

Liking to shop for clothes

Believe me…I could go on and on.

Its been an up and down journey at times. And I don't beat myself up as much over my choices but its all still a learning process for me….and Im guessing it will be for quite some time.

But it was nice to go off and live this summer…just to be me, and appreciate me, and cut me some slack….Im not perfect and I never will be….

BUT I AM A SUCCESS!! And it does not matter that i haven't met that ridiculous number that some chart tells me I SHOULD be.

SUCCESS LIES HERE:

  

Edited August 20, 2014 by chasingadream

[2muchfun 8,927]

Let me be the first to congratulate you on your huge success so far!! You do look very happy and with good reason.

[gowalking 10,790]

So glad to see you back on the site my friend. This is a wonderful post. It's not about the numbers...it's about quality of life. I am still obsessing over the scale but working hard to stop.

I am also a work in progress regardless of the fact that I've reached 'goal'. I'm still dealing with body image and other psychological issues related to my size. I am still working on living with this body and if I should or shouldn't have plastic surgery. I need to make sure if I do it, it's for me and not to seek some unrealistic expectation of perfection. I too, went on vacation and did the things I wanted to do without worrying if I could or not. I also stayed in control of my food choices and intake while I was away which was a big thing for me.

That is success. My most important success is to come. Life long maintenance where no one even remembers the fat me but only this me.

Congrats on your progress. You look wonderful.

[Junebug36 154]

You look beautiful! You are proof the "ideal weight" charts are hogwash. I can't wait to be where you are now! :-)

[Kitt3000 757]

Well said!

I just had a visit with my doc, if I look at the charts, I should loose another 22 pounds. Doc said, in his opinion, I should not. He said you have to take age, shape, etc into account. Loosing more means possibility of loosing in areas, like the face, that will age me.

And then, the nicest thing he said is you look dynamite. I don't know why, I've truly struggled with my self image, but for the first time, I was ready to believe someone, and just say thank you. It's an interesting ride we are on Chasingadream, and you look like you don't need to chase it any more. Big hugs!

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

It's about time you show off & be PROUD of what you have accomplished on your journey so far ,you look good , again we can enjoy our being with our kids & not be embarrassed ourselves , look at you getting out & living life , keep it up@ go walking.

Edited August 21, 2014 by Debbie3sons

[catfish87 3,471]

Congrats! Not only on your weightloss success, but also on your acceptance that WE may never reach "that" number on a scale. And just look at all those NSV's!!!!!

Kuddo's to you for enjoying your healthy life.

[Yadiordz 346]

Congratulations chasing!!!you look great and happy.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Screw the charts. You're awesome. Nuff' said.

[yaya1397 79]

Congratulations!! you look awesome!! Thanks for reminding us that a number should not be the difining point when it comes to happiness!!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Just saw this post today. I am in awe. You are amazing. Let's hear it for living our lives!

[Julie norton 2,850]

I believe you look just how you should. Healthy. Happy. "Normal" size. Whatever that is to us!

I don't believe I will hit a doctors ideal goal for me... But I am healthy and fit and very satisfied to stay the same size for years. To me, that is the crux of all the years of work and maintaining and exercising ..... And making good choices for food and lifestyle!

It is rare almost 8 years later to look way back and think of myself as JUMBO. Not my image of myself anymore.

Hope others see themselves differently... It truly helps my head and self image issues. Hope it does for them too. Rear view window for that old size and look. Pictures ( I always have an old one with me) tell me how far I am

[SillyAuntDi 1,610]

Congrats, my friend! We were banded at nearly the same time last year and I've followed you along the way. You are amazing and such an inspiration. I see myself in so many of your posts. My doc and I have both discussed the "ideal" goal weight. He doesn't want me to match the BMI charts. We have settled on a weight range that makes us both happy. But...honestly...in his eyes I am a success already. That number on the scales doesn't matter anymore (so long as it doesn't skyrocket upwards, of course). Carry on...live and love your new life

Diane

[booflu 13]

Congrats on your success! I love your outlook. It's all about quality of life & yours has sky rocketed. Great job! Thanks for sharing.