Bullying Other VSG'ers

[StratusPhr 127]

ex·cuse

verb

ikˈskyo͞oz/

1. attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

Just for the record, for ALL of you out there. You do not need an "excuse" to NOT do something, whether it be walking in a 5K or climbing on a treadmill. My 'excuse' - I have no interest, 'Nuff said.

Don't ever feel pressured or bullied, yes, BULLIED - don't ever feel 'less than' because you cannot or CHOOSE not to do what others do. Do not feel this is a competition. Do not feel if you aren't participating, you will be shunned or that you're an outcast. You are not.

We all must find the path that works best for us as we learn to maneuver our way through this tiny tummy business. Some of us are animals when it comes to walking, running and exercise - let me stop right here and say, many of these people are my friends, they know who they are and they know how much I respect and admire what they do. I am pretty sure I could not do what they do. I don't want to do what they do, but I sure love following their progress and dedication.

The point is, time and again I see a "What's your excuse?" and it rubs me the wrong way. Bullying rubs me the wrong way and it IS bullying, you can put lipstick on that pig, but it's still a pig. "What's your excuse" is NOT encouragement, it is NOT support, it is a dig to try and make you feel less than and that is NOT ok. Ever.

[kelew39 64]

ex·cuse

verb

ikˈskyo͞oz/

1. attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

Just for the record, for ALL of you out there. You do not need an "excuse" to NOT do something, whether it be walking in a 5K or climbing on a treadmill. My 'excuse' - I have no interest, 'Nuff said.

Don't ever feel pressured or bullied, yes, BULLIED - don't ever feel 'less than' because you cannot or CHOOSE not to do what others do. Do not feel this is a competition. Do not feel if you aren't participating, you will be shunned or that you're an outcast. You are not.

We all must find the path that works best for us as we learn to maneuver our way through this tiny tummy business. Some of us are animals when it comes to walking, running and exercise - let me stop right here and say, many of these people are my friends, they know who they are and they know how much I respect and admire what they do. I am pretty sure I could not do what they do. I don't want to do what they do, but I sure love following their progress and dedication.

The point is, time and again I see a "What's your excuse?" and it rubs me the wrong way. Bullying rubs me the wrong way and it IS bullying, you can put lipstick on that pig, but it's still a pig. "What's your excuse" is NOT encouragement, it is NOT support, it is a dig to try and make you feel less than and that is NOT ok. Ever.

Well said!

[quuquui 30]

Actually, I don't necessarily agree. If we were to be honest, us overeaters are the biggest liars there are. Often it takes someone to be blunt and say "what's your excuse" to get our heads out of the sand and stop making excuses, and help us see that that is exactly what we are doing. I have grown tremendously by having a coach that does just that for me. Helps me get through my bs and moving forward.

[Tamlyn 107]

I think that's the point, though, quuquui. That may work great for you, but it wouldn't work at all for me. It sounds terribly harsh, and it would make me feel bad about myself. I respond much better to positive encouragement, and understanding when I make mistakes. We all have different motivators. Some people really thrive on that boot camp drill sergeant thing, and some don't. It doesn't mean we're lying to ourselves.

[par1959 470]

Who flip your switch? I think most of us could care less what anyone does or doesn't do. Like all addictions only the addict can choose to change. The majority of posts are only suggestions, that are shared to help others. As for weight loss itself it's all up to the individual and the majority on this site are highly motivated and have great input to help others..

[quuquui 30]

The calling me on my bs is all done with great respect but through honesty with kindness. Not screaming, yelling, boot camp stuff. We do need to be called on our lies to ourselves. That's how we got to the point where we need surgical intervention. That's simply my opinion, take it or leave it.

[Sleevarilla 169]

I really think the word "bullying" is being WAY over-used these days. I certainly don't think someone asking me "what's your excuse?" is bullying me at all. Even if said with derision, I can laugh and blow it off ... and you know why? Because I don't give a flying flip what anyone thinks about me. I am not defined by anyone but myself. Giving people who want to be negative more attention is giving them what they want. TRUE bullying is definitely wrong, but I think this just isn't the definition of bullying.

I think, instead of crying "BULLY!! BULLY!!" it would be better to teach people self-reliance, and show them that they have the power to decide for themselves and tell anyone to get lost (except I'd say something more like "&*!@ off") Wouldn't it be better to have empowered people who are able to rise above things like this then to teach them to cower and cry "BULLY!"? Never, ever, ever let anybody else define you. Own your weaknesses, and like Tyrion said ... "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it as armor and it can never be used against you."

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

When I have a coach or a therapist, I give them professional permission to call me on my b.s. Likewise, I give my partner the same permission, as well as a couple of very close friends.

I don't grant that right to any of my siblings -- the mutual baggage is way too heavy to sort out.

And anyone who knows me solely as a name and keystrokes on a message board who then "calls me on my bullshit" (and especially those who have a rep for acting like this) won't have any traction with me at all.

Eventually, I'll ignore you.

Imma say something: Compared to other WLS boards, this one is a rough one. There's a competitiveness here I don't see on other boards so much.

[docbree 199]

like Tyrion said ... "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it as armor and it can never be used against you."

I love this quote - and what a great character Tyrion is!

[docbree 199]

Imma say something: Compared to other WLS boards, this one is a rough one. There's a competitiveness here I don't see on other boards so much.

I know about Obesity Help - I don't log in as much there because the mobile site is not as user friendly - but just out of curiosity, can you name the other boards? I'm interested in checking them out as well.

Edited August 20, 2014 by docbree

[quuquui 30]

I like your answer on the bs topic. But I don't think this board is competitive. I think it is more real and gritty. I like that. It isn't full of pat answers and people have real discussions. Bravo to this board.

[Jammil0411 17]

I haven't read any posts that sounded bullying, etc., but I'm 53 and I've been through OA and FAA and nothing surprises me and I've heard and seen it all (generally speaking). I have thick skin now.

[DarbiMolly 188]

I agree somewhat.

I think its great that some people are making such great strides in their lifestyle by adding exercise and eating right. Kudos to you - not everyone is the same which is what makes this world wonderful.

I think that if someone is on here whining and crying because they aren't losing weight but they are scarfing down Cookies and ice cream then figure it out!!! Don't be a victim.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

www.gastricsleeve.com is another one.

P.S. All the forums seem to shift and change in mood over time -- back and forth.

Edited August 21, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I actually find obesity help to be more straightforward and "tough love" than this forum. And gastricsleeve dot com makes me roll my eyes a bit with all the "oh you ate a bucket of wings three days after surgery? That's okay, we all slip every once in a while!" and "you want to subsist on a diet of oatmeal, mashed potatoes, and milkshakes? Yay for you, it's so silly to worry about calories or carbs, no one could do that! After all, we didn't have this surgery in order to keep dieting! No one should care about what they eat!" claptrap.

Honestly I'm more of a fan of the tough love approach but I try to temper it because I know that on the internet what is meant as tough love tends to come across more as tough and less as love.

All that said, I think I missed the original "what's your excuse" post that the OP was referencing . . .