WLS has made me a judgemental jerk!

[Yasman 195]

You are seeing a psychiatrist, but do they also do talk therapy with you? I know many don't, so I thought I'd ask. If not, I'd certainly try to find a good therapist.

I actually talked to my therapist yesterday about the same issue, i.e. being more judgemental toward other large people. It make me realize I'm not actually judging them, I'm seeing myself in them and judging how I used to be.

Also, you are only two months out from surgery and I know my emotional roller coaster didn't stop until about month 5. Its totally normal to be super touchy. And yes, I did pick a fight with someone on FB once, but he deserved it since he was trying to sell something to WLS patients that he claimed would eliminate 50+ pounds of excess skin.

I really like LumpySpacePRincess' advice

Your hormones are all out of whack and your meds probably need some adjusting as your body changes. It's great that you are being honest with yourself about your personality changes and acknowledge that you need to work on yourself.

Might I suggest rereading your initial post regularly so that you can refocus on what you were feeling when you wrote it? Have you considered a gratitude journal so you can write about things that make you happy and read it when you aren't?

You'll make it through this, I just want you to make it through it with your important relationships intact.

I also really like LipstickLady's advice here.

I have personally noticed that when I do my laps or go walking and see someone of comparable size to myself I wonder to myself if they have ever considered WLS and find myself wanting to have a conversation about it with them. Not so much to recommend it to them (I'm only on week 4... too early to consider myself a walking advertisement) but just as a conversation topic of curiosity. Thankfully I'm not feeling those angry judgemental feelings the original poster mentioned but who knows... maybe I will. I just hope if I do that I have the same strength to restrain myself and not say anything untoward to anyone and either start a fight or make someone else feel bad. Because that would suck. I do think therapy is a great piece of advice - that's a good way to work through a thinking process to identify the source of some negative feelings and hopefully nip them in the bud in the future.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I kind of wonder if you are having those feeling towards those women in the gym as a reflection of how you feel/felt about yourself and the habits you had that got you to where you were. That would make total sense to me. Why are you so angry at them, do you think?

[jtickle 295]

You cant use mental illness to support your undesire and rudeness of fat people now. You were there and probably still are mostly so why take it out on others. There is nothing wrong with confidence but gee wiz that isnt confidence its doing things to people that you dont want done to you. So if you feel the need to judge people in the gym who are trying, why not exercise in your home where you would be more comfortable. Seriously those who have weight loss surgery and then find God or as I say go to jail and find Jesus are probably the most undeserving people to have weight loss surgery. You were right in that position and now you want to judge people. Start off looking in the mirror and learn to love who you see in the mirror.

Yes, I can use my mental illness to explain anything I want. You don't how I act when my meds are out of whack. You don't know hiw I am when I am manic or depressed. When I see two heavy women come into the gym and work out for 5 minutes barefooted on a recumbent bike, and then complain about it. Like I said I would never act on my thoughts. I keep them to myself. I am just wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Yes, I deserved my surgery and I will workout in the gym. Maybe it's you that needs to take a good in the mirror for judging a person who is for looking. help. I don't believe God got the surgery and if you think he did you have some issues. I got weight loss because my insurance paid 100% of it. God has nothing to do with it. I'm perfectly comfortable in the gym cause I work my ass off while I am in there. Go judge someone else.

[tkauhi 90]

WOW!!!

[KristinaRnY 455]

If you don't want advice or constructive criticism why even post? So you have more people to practice your Jerky behavior on? You need a serious reality check lady.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Yes, I can use my mental illness to explain anything I want. You don't how I act when my meds are out of whack. You don't know hiw I am when I am manic or depressed. When I see two heavy women come into the gym and work out for 5 minutes barefooted on a recumbent bike, and then complain about it. Like I said I would never act on my thoughts. I keep them to myself. I am just wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Yes, I deserved my surgery and I will workout in the gym. Maybe it's you that needs to take a good in the mirror for judging a person who is for looking. help. I don't believe God got the surgery and if you think he did you have some issues. I got weight loss because my insurance paid 100% of it. God has nothing to do with it. I'm perfectly comfortable in the gym cause I work my ass off while I am in there. Go judge someone else.

Yikes! Perhaps you should take a break before this board gets you too worked up. This type of anger can't be helpful to you.

[DaronB 103]

JTickle, I'll reiterate, if you don't like what you see in those women.....offer to help them, build them up, and encourage them. Don't you think that would be better than sitting back and dragging them through the dirt on this forum?

If you're seeking advice on this forum, you've gotten it: talk to your therapist and tell them the mood swings, the feelings of being judgmental, etc that you're feeling. They are far more qualified to help you than a lot of us are.

Pray and seek God. There is joy in The Lord. A lot of the moodiness can be altered by a relationship with Jesus.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

The ignore function on this board is useful.

I just used it for the first time.

Edited August 18, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[larkspur 18]

All of the proselytizing on this thread is a huge turn-off to me. I don't want to be part of a community that forces religious views on others.

To the OP - I have bipolar disorder too, and I am pre-op. I've been on around 40 different psychiatric medications and in the hospital a couple of times. People who don't have a mental illness often lack tact in dealing with these sorts of issues, but I wanted to let you know that I can understand what you're going through--losing weight a few years ago did give me a little bit of an attitude problem. It's a big change.

I am a member of a mental health support forum/chat room and several of us are on the WLS path while also working on our mental health. If you would like a less judgmental place to speak about these issues please PM me and I'll link you. I wish you the best of luck with taking charge of your health, both mental and physical.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

All of the proselytizing on this thread is a huge turn-off to me. I don't want to be part of a community that forces religious views on others.

Not a fan myself, but it's really not common so don't be too turned off. Ignore it. I do.

[DaronB 103]

Not "forcing religion" on anyone. Just offering it as advice.

[HotButterFly 981]

All of the proselytizing on this thread is a huge turn-off to me. I don't want to be part of a community that forces religious views on others.

if you would like a less judgmental place to speak about these issues please PM me and I'll link you. I wish you the best of luck with taking charge of your health, both mental and physical.

No one is forcing their religion on ANYONE, the gentleman is simply giving HIS point of view. A little tolerance goes a long way.

ALSO, no one here is judging her, they are simply reacting to the rude things she's saying... "If you can't handle the heat... Stay outta the kitchen". Remember that phrase??

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

holy _____ everyone! she came here looking for help and support, not get ripped to shreds!

lighten up everyone! she isnt asking for support for eating a pizza while drinking a 6 pack... she knows she's having issues... help her out! dont give her shit... a lot of you are jumping down her shit for not being kind, how about you model some of that kindness for her?

[larkspur 18]

Not a fan myself, but it's really not common so don't be too turned off. Ignore it. I do.

Thank you, LipstickLady. I wasn't expecting to read a comment saying that if you don't find Jesus before surgery, you aren't worthy of having it. Faith is personal, and it's hardly something to put someone on blast for on an internet message board. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

I am going to assume the best in people--perhaps those who've commented critically here have never dealt with mental illness on a personal basis. People who are mentally ill have an internal struggle, but it doesn't always mean that we take it out on other people. The OP mentioned that she was having thoughts that were shocking to her because of how judgmental they were. She didn't say anything to the women at the gym, and none of you are the thought police, so I think the efforts to slap OP on the wrist for thinking something negative are a bit misguided. I think LipstickLady had a very valid point earlier in this thread when she mentioned that it might be a part of internalized self-hatred for when you once WERE those women at the gym who weren't taking it seriously.

I also want to say that mental illness is not an excuse for behavior, but rather an explanation that contextualizes our behavior. If you do not know what it's like to have your meds off balance, or to be clinically depressed for years at a time, or to be manic and lose your better judgment, then the least you can do is not shame others who do struggle with those problems. Treating mental health issues requires a great deal of compassion and trying to understand that internal conflict. I think some commenters here could benefit from taking a step back and keeping in perspective that the OP has a legitimate medical illness which impacts her thought patterns and that she was seeking support. The title of the post indicates that yes, she understands that her thoughts were inappropriate. And, on a final note, I just want to affirm that within the medical community, it is widely acknowledged that a relationship with a deity is not an appropriate treatment for a mood disorder.

[DaronB 103]

And, on a final note, I just want to affirm that within the medical community, it is widely acknowledged that a relationship with a deity is not an appropriate treatment for a mood disorder.

Doesn't hurt, either.

I'm not trying to hijack this topic into such a conversation, I'm just saying that as a born again Christian, I have a responsibility to at least mention my lord and savior to anyone struggling, regardless what the "medical community" has to say about it. But, I'm not going to shove it down anyone's throat, either. If the OP doesn't want to hear about it, she can overlook my post. I'm not going to mention it on this thread anymore.

I'd also like to add that I am sensitive to people with mood disorders. I personally don't suffer from anything, but I know, am related to, and live with people that do suffer from some form of it and I see their struggles. I pray (yes, pray) for them daily and try to support them in every way possible.

To the OP, I wish you nothing but the best and hope and pray that you're able to get all this under control and that you live a long, healthy, prosperous life.