Relationships: I am not telling my extended family members about my surgery....

[5comorbids 12]

Hello friends,

I have started my journey towards bariatric surgery this past June 2014. My surgery will be late Sept. 2014. I have heard and been learning a lot about "support" after surgery. Obviously everyone should be ecstatic for me that I am on my way to getting rid of or at least greatly reducing the severity of that which is slowly killing me at the present time: Diabetes, Fatty Liver Disease, GERD, sleep Apnea, Out of control/remarkably high cholesterol numbers as well as remarkably low "good cholesterol" numbers, social anxieties, depression, pre-arthritic symptoms, etc... Well... the obviously clear reasons for my choice are apparently not what others would choose to do, to each his own, I have no problem to agree to disagree. Unfortunately I have family (sisters, brothers, mothers and others) who love to express their correct opinions while beating the tar out of my opinions and choices. I do not live the way they live, I do not do things the way they think I should do them. So what...I'm not living on this earth for their approval.

Anyway, to avoid discussion or opinions from certain extended family members, I have decided not to tell them about my bariatric surgery. I have told my husband and my children and they are all in and supportive and excited for my choice. At the end of the day, the people who matter most are the ones who accept me, faults and all, and still show me that they love me unconditionally.

Several years ago I had a really bad bout with depression. I was bedridden for about 5 months and house bound for another 4. I have a sister who lives 2 miles east of me and another sister who lives 2 miles west of me. Sister of the west I saw once during those 9 months, and she made a phone call to someone at my church to ask them to go to my house and help. Sister of the East I never saw once. Thank goodness for fellow church members who fed my children for several months. Thank goodness my husband endured through it and was a support to my emotions. I truly believe that my healing from bariatric surgery will be as painful as was the depression.

I guess I am sharing this to get your opinions on this choice. I have been told by some that I had really reconsider and tell everyone in my family. This is such a life changing decision I'm going to go through. I have had others tell me that if I am already expecting non-supportive attitudes, jealousy, and negative comments, it is better to leave well enough alone and go on with what I know is right for me, my children and my future grandchildren. I have had people say, "What if you die from this and you hadn't told your Mom, sisters, brothers, etc....????" My answer is, "I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and would not have told any of them about that either." What do you think? Long term affects on me? Short term? Thanks!

[shmily 424]

I did the same thing and to this day, almost 6 mos out, only one sister knows and I didn't tell her until 3 mos out. I agree with you.......it is not their business!!

[eacarpenter 17]

I agree...none of their business! If they can't be there for you when you need them...they should not have their nose in any of your private affairs....and should only be allowed to voice their opinion when asked to do so. Good luck in your choices and my prayers are with you and your family!

[Sadie15 7]

Please stick with your decision not to tell and pay no attention to all of the advice you get from others, because you know best. I made the same decision, knowing that it didn't have to be final. If you decide later you want to let people know why you have lost so much weight, why your outlook on life is so positive, and all of the wonderful feelings that come from having WLS, then you can tell. Or, you can just say, like I have, "I am participating in a medically managed weight loss program." And, your statement "I truly believe that my healing from bariatric surgery will be as painful as was the depression." No, absolutely do not believe this!! Healing from bariatric surgery is a joy compared to healing from depression. I wish you all of the luck in the world and can't wait to hear more from you after your surgery.

[enjoyinglife 313]

I also agree. None of their business. Best Wishes!!!

[endzone 55]

I agree too!! I have opted not to tell people too! Good luck to you!!

[StabMyFinger 19]

I too have decided not to tell anyone. My husband & children are aware of what is going on, but are sworn not to tell anyone. I feel its my life and how I handle it and am at peace with my decision. Someone always has a negative word to say and I just don't care to hear it. After all, I am doing this for me no one else

[Sheesh 1]

I agree with you, I did not tell anyone except my husband and daughter when I had the band, I think I was afraid it would not work and I would be embarrassed once again. I am going to have a revision to the gastric by-pass and I still feel that it is no-ones business. Do what you feel is right for you. That is how most of us ended up here, worrying about what others think,and taking care of them instead of ourselves.

[pik 262]

Of course my children and my fiance know. I told my aunt and one of my sisters and they are the only ones in my family that should know.

Let's get for real though, news spreads and I am sure they aren't the only ones who know.

I think as long as you have a support system with your husband, you will be fine. My fiance took wonderful care of me and I could not have asked for more.

Good luck!

[walking_one 17]

I'm 4 days post-op and told only my hubby, my sister and mother-in-law (who I am very close to). Just didn't want to hear any negativity or unsolicited advice. Now that I'm postoperative and doing well, I don't give a crap who knows!

[maymorris 0]

Hi,I had my surgery in April of 2011. I also chose not to tell anyone. I didn't need people judging. The surgery was a success. I lost 120 lbs and I've Ben able to keep the lbs off for the three years. My sister has always been the thin one in my family and I knew there would be a sabotage. I had plenty of support from my surgical weight loss partners. I think it's your own personal journey. Keep up the good work. It's not easy but it's so worth it.

[Cupcake 801]

I agree with the above statements it is no one business , if your family and friends were not there for you when you went through your depression you dont need their permission for this now, you have the right people in your life as well as support from your husband, children, and many church friends that has help you, congrats on your choice to be healthy.

[Chelle 59]

I am 10 months out, and there are only a handful of people who know. I would not change a thing- and I am really happy with my decision not to share!!!

[endzone 55]

I am starting the pre op liquid diet in 2 weeks....that being said how did you keep that secret from your family? I know my kids will be asking why I am not eating, my husband knows and is supportive but he says if we tell the kids (14) ad (12) we may as well take out an ad in the paper hahaha please share any and all "excuses" you may have used. thanks!

[pik 262]

I am starting the pre op liquid diet in 2 weeks....that being said how did you keep that secret from your family? I know my kids will be asking why I am not eating, my husband knows and is supportive but he says if we tell the kids (14) ad (12) we may as well take out an ad in the paper hahaha please share any and all "excuses" you may have used. thanks!

Your kids are going to have to know in the end. Are you going to hide being in the hospital and recovering? The change in your eating patterns and all of that?