Awful news - How do you deal with this after the band?

[shantra 73]

I found out this morning that a close friend died. I could not stop crying and got sent home from work. On the way home I went through McDonalds and got ice cream and Cookies.. this is my coping mechanism. Obviously I know I need to find another way to cope... how do you cope? What do you do? I haven't had surgery yet and do not want to fail.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Hi there. Im so sorry for your loss, I know this must be a difficult time for you. Please understand that im sending this advice with hugs and the best of intentions. Theres nothing wrong with your trip to Mcdonalds today. You had a huge shock and you were looking for comfort, and food was it. Not a big deal as long as you learn that food cant be used every day as a coping mechanism for stress. Today? Fine, maybe even tomorrow some until you get over the shock, but start thinking of healthier ways to deal with stress down the road, because stress will always be part of our lives. Take a walk, talk to somebody, listen to happy music, etc. Exercise especially will help, it sends happy endorphins to your body and helps you handle stress better, sleep better, cope better. Just everything better. Take one day at a time, breathe and remember you have a lot of support here too. My best to you, hope tomorrow is better. Hugs !

[shantra 73]

Thank you so much. I did find exercise helped me tremendously, then I got an injury, put on another 40lbs and got to the point could not exercise anymore. I will find a way to cope. If anything my friends death strengthened my resolve to do this, get better and live longer for my children and grandchildren.

[PuraVida37 715]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Tell us your happiest memory of her/him.

Exercise, sleep, and trying to laugh as much as possible got me through the death of my mother. Actively trying to stay positive about it helped me. And when I needed to cry, I did. Let it out. Don't hold it in because stifling emotions is never good.

[Lovelynne 8]

I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

[terrydumont46 1,954]

after you have surgery I bet you won't make that trip to mcdonald's. you will wait until you get home and eat something healthy and get out your photo albums to remember your friend. I once bought fast food for my grandkids and daughter and drove 50 miles with the smell of those freaken fries but I didn't eat a one. you will learn to do things differently too! I am really sorry for your loss. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Bandista 7,466]

Dear Shantra, so sorry about your friend. You are in good company here as we all know what turning to food is like and that tendency to tamp down emotions while eating, sometimes eating stuff we don't even want. But look at you -- you're noticing it, examining the behavior and you know you don't want to do this anymore. The band will help curb the compulsion -- and believe me, we've all been there. When your appetite is dimmed you'll be making good choices. It's amazing. I thought I'd be the one person it didn't work for, blah, blah -- but hey, it's working great. Be gentle with yourself and know you're not alone. Best wishes!

[shantra 73]

Reading these replies I know I am in the right place all through this journey. You guys are amazing. I feel better today.. I cried virtually all day yesterday in fits and starts. Her daughter said to me, you just have to keep moving forward. And I knew her Mom taught her that philosophy, and I am moving forward and taking control of my body. Thank you for all your kind words.

[Jack 855]

condolences on your friend

re: coping

most Bandsters come face to face with the understanding, sudden or otherwise, that overeating and junk food is simply not a good coping mechanism

We all eventually find a more healthy way to deal with our emotions. For me the Gift of Power was that I could Be In Control by NOT hitting the McD's bag-o-burgers/fries/etc in my daily life. I get more exercise and home chores done by choice, not by bad old habits of the Belly Beast controlling my life.

Cheers on your journey.