Need opinions, not about Lapband, just life!

[Miss me baby 1]

I have a daughter who is 13, her father and I divorced when she was in kindergarden and he has since signed over his rights. Never saw here and lived 2000 miles away, never called or anything. When she was 9 I got remarried to a great guy, treats her like she is his, does everything a father should do for her. Has always been good to she and I. Problem is, when I mention adoption he freaks out. He says why should he have to do paperwork and all when he takes care of her now like she is his. All the paperwork will do is change her name. I look at it a different way and think this would make the family whole. Am I just being a b*tch in thinking this way? I just can't imagine loving someone like he does and taking care of them and not wanting to make it offical.

Maybe I am just different, but I am really pissed, we are not even talking right now, we got into it out this last night again and it has been eating at me all night and day.

I keep thinking, do I want to be married to someone who does not want to adopt my daughter? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this man?

Please give me some opinions and let me know if its just me or what?

Thanks for listening and letting me vent! :angry

[Kelsy 1]

Does he have any children of his own?

I don't think you are wrong in wanting him to adopt your daughter. It's a big decision.. But if he's so against it, Is it really a good idea to push the subject?

Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER. But nowadays, It's just not like that in SOME cases. Maybe he feels like he will be tied to you forever if the marriage doesn't work out... It sounds more like he's afraid. I am sure he loves your child, like you said he does.. But that is a big BIG decision for someone to make.

[faithmd 14]

I agree, that is a HUGE decision. I can certainly understand that he may be scared, or may just feel that since he's there and loves her like his own, then why does he have to "prove" it by signing a piece of paper? (Not my feeling, just a possible thought process.)

My brother in law adopted two children of his former wife and not too long after he finalized the adoption she left. He then paid for child support for the next 12 years, that wasn't fair at all. I am absolutely not saying that you would do this, but I can see how a man could be concerned as it does happen.

[CLAUDIAGDLMEX 0]

Sorry Dont Want To Burst Your Bubble But You Are Acting Like A B--tch You ( No Disrespect At All ) You Should Be Glad Someone Loves Your Daughter As Much As He Does A Name Change Not Going To Make Any Diffrence Main Point Is He Loves Her Not For Her To Take His Name . If He Makes U And Her Happy What Is The Problem How Many Kids Would Love For There Step Parents To Love Them Just Like They Love Your Daughter Not Considering The Change Of Last Name . My Brother Married Someone With Two Kids And He Never Adopted Them But He Got Divorced About 4 Years Ago Till This Day They Are His Kids Even If He Is Not Married And They Dont Have His Last Name . You Need To Weigh The Last Name Or The Love He Has Proven Your Self And Your Daughter Would Anyone Else Do That ?

[Miss me baby 1]

Thanks everyone for the input. I am thinking about what everyone said. Maybe I am being a b*tch. He does love her and I should be glad for that and thankful for what I have.

So, I guess I just move on and don't think about it anymore. I just hope I can do that.

Thanks again for listening and giving me your opinions, I could not have done this without y'all!

[Carlene 12]

You can have her last name legally changed without adoption. Maybe that would be a good compromise?

[Esmeralda 2]

I am married for the second time and I would'nt want my new husband to adopt my 2 kids, they already have a dad and a piece of paper isnt going to make him lover her more or less, I think that even though your x signed his rights away he is still the dad and will always be, it's kind of sad that you would fight for something that till know wasnt necessarly to make you guys happy and for everyone to love each other like you have been.

[kyethra 0]

I agree about the name change idea. Why don't you drop the adoption idea-- it sounds like your family is doing well now, so don't cause a rift by trying to make it even more official. But if her having the same last name is important to you, then that might be something to consider. No legal strings attached.

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm not one where a piece of paper matters. If our situation had been different, DH and I may still not be married. Having the piece of paper had nothing to do with how we felt about each other, whether or not we were dedicated, etc. I truly saw it as just a formality and PITA, really.

[NVgirl 2]

I'm not one where a piece of paper matters. If our situation had been different, DH and I may still not be married. Having the piece of paper had nothing to do with how we felt about each other, whether or not we were dedicated, etc. I truly saw it as just a formality and PITA, really.

I agree - my guy and I have been together for 9 1/2 years now. He'd like that piece of paper, but me, having already been married once (he never has), I have no interest in it. We're great together, he loves my sons as if they were his own and life is good!