Ugh my Mother!

[Flygirl123 150]

I feel ya even though my mother is deceased. My mother in law who is in her 90's is staying with us temporarily while she recovers from an ankle injury. I hope to God she is gone before my surgery. I already have a really small tongue from biting it off over her constant criticism and her belief in her own perfection. If she is here it will be difficult to hide the surgery from her and I am fearful I will tape her to the celing fan after the first negative comment.

Can I have the tape when your done? Lol

[jessiquoi 623]

@@VSGAnn2014, that's a good question. I am not usually swayed by opinion... I'm a strong and confident woman in most every thing. But I know that my view of my relationship with my mother is colored with my own emotions, and nobody would have a clearer view of it than my daughter. She pointed out that, since I'm planning on telling her anyway, I should tell her sooner rather than later because this is the time of year she buys her plane ticket to Florida (she's a snowbird). Mandy suggested that my mom may want to hang around up north until my surgery is over, and will worry more from Florida than Brooklyn. It made sense to me. My relationship with my mom has improved over the years, and maybe this will be another growth point. I don't know, but I am hopeful. Worse case scenario, it's just an extra month or so and in the long run, that's nothing.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jessi, gotcha. Thanks.

[Cody's mom 247]

Wow, I really think it's funny how many of our mom's have the same train of thought. They were all cut from the same cloth. I'll probably NEVER tell her what I've done, it's easier than listening to her "all you need to do is watch what you eat and exercise".

Edited August 15, 2014 by Cody's mom

[Kissifur 244]

I am very lucky. My mom has been supportive since I first told her I was considering having surgery. Now after she tells me how pretty I am almost every time she sees me.

[Dragon Lady 59]

I didn't tell my mom until a week after, when I had my post op checkup! I was afraid she'd worry herself sick looking up every complication possible!

[Cody's mom 247]

Kissifur, you are very lucky!

[Julie norton 2,850]

Its 6:30 am and im sitting in a NJ hotel getting ready to head out and take a train to Cooperstown , NY for a week of fun . ( Hubby is an umpire), anyone have any advice, things to see or do in between hubbys schedule ? Thanks ! Bandista, congrats on all your pretty dahlias, not one of my 8 (Seattle area) came up this year. Not sure what happened but I sure love them !

dahlia

Please tell us about Cooperstown ! Wanted to hear about it for a long while. I am quite a fan and season ticket holder for my SF Giants. Sigh. Good and bad years. I am there always

Thanks for any info

[ready2B 263]

First of all - good luck with your surgery!

By how many replies there are so far, you can tell mothers are a really hot button for a lot of us! My mom was kinda the opposite - always had a weight problem, my sisters too. Everyone in my family is way overweight. Part of it is probably genes, part bad eating habits and part is all the crazy relationship issues! At any rate, you would think she would be understanding of other people's weight struggles but instead has always been critical. The first comment out of her mouth to me if she sees one of my sisters is about their weight ("OMG, she's gotten HUGE!") so I know she says the same sort of thing about me.

My mom had lap band surgery about 8 years ago, had lots of complications and really never lost much weight. She still vomits up most of her meals (she doesn't chew, eats way too fast) but cheats badly with high calories liquid foods like an extra large full fat milkshake from Sonic every day. But, that doesn't stop her from thinking she's a world class expert! She also can't keep her mouth shut about anything personal I share with her - she would be on the phone in minutes calling her "prayer chain" (aka gossip hotline) to tell the world every detail.

So, I've chosen not to tell her, because it would open a big fat can of worms that I just don't want to deal with. Deciding to take such a drastic step that will forever change my life was a deeply personal and difficult decision. I'm going to need support, not criticism or a bunch of unsolicited & useless advice, even from those I love.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I haven't told my mum yet... and not sure if I will ever tell her.

Me, my half sister and my brother all got this genes from my mother's side, my grandmun -- huge but she was quite tall, so she didn't look as big as my mum and my aunties (my mum's sisters) because they're all quite small like me.

We all were thin, even skinny when we were young until the age of 25-26, there when it begun. I'm very small merely 5' and in February this year I hit my peak at 228 lbs, and unfortunately that was when I visited my mum in Thailand.

I KNOW that she's worried for me because right now at the age of 67, her weight went up sky high and she's struggling also with diabetes but she expressed her "concerns" by criticising my appearance and my weight, as always, why mummy why???

She also struggled with her weight her whole life, several times she tried diet pills prescribed by some doctors which all gave her BIG yoyo effect, once she even convinced me to go see one of these doctors and I did because she said that it's safe and no yoyp effect.

Guess what, I lost 44 lbs and gained back 88 in a few years.

I haven't decided yet if I should tell her or not ::sigh:: I love my mum but we don't really get along. Anyway, I still have a few month to decide.

I'll see her in November, maybe this time if she's pleased with my weight loss result, probably I will tell her.

You've lost a lot already--- I would think she'd notice! You can be role model for her!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

She also can't keep her mouth shut about anything personal I share with her - she would be on the phone in minutes calling her "prayer chain" (aka gossip hotline) to tell the world every detail.

ROFLMAO!

That's very true.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

If a person has never been obese they just have no way of knowing that the body is changed by obesity and it is very hard to maintain any kind of weight loss without surgery. Her body works normally so if she gains a couple of pounds she cuts back until it's gone. It's like telling a diabetic, just produce the right amount of insulin at the right time will ya!?!

[tannyq 6]

Wow this story is the same one I am going through...she is giving me the guilt card so I pushed my date and still haven't got a new one:( I am thinking I will go on my own quietly and do it. It's the only way to go I feel...

Good luck to you and I am sure when we are "little" we won't have to hear it from our skinny moms. Jezzzz Louise

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Just a side comment on the thought of taping your mother-in-law to the ceiling fan. I lived with my sister for a while after a divorce. My seven year old nephew was unrepentant about leaving his dirty tissues all around the house. One day, I told him that if he didn't start using the various waste cans in every room, that I was going to tape one on him. Nothing different the next day, sooooooooo he woke up one morning with a waste can duct taped to his pajamas. Problem solved.

And here is a side note on mothers-in-law. I think bras were invented by a man as a torture device for his mother-in-law!

Lose4life2, just hang in there and find a way to hide the date (or tell her the date was changed). You can't undo it once you get it done, so whatever she says after words will roll off you like Water on a duck's back. Or, if you don't like the idea of little white lies, consider this remark that I heard in a sermon years ago, when the media was snooping around looking for a scandal. The pastor said that if we were approached by the media, that we did not have to lie. You just do not have to tell everything you know. This may test your diplomacy skills. Carry on, soldier.

[Loser4ever 6]

All of the negative comments are why I am telling few people about my surgery.

I am not wanting to be told just eat less and exercise. I am doing the preop diet now so everyone knows I am on a high Protein diet, and will be for a while as my surgery date is in process. I have lost 21 lbs on the protein diet so just seem like my diet is working. Later I might decide to share the surgery info. But then not wanting the questions of sis insurance pay, did you pay, how much did it cost? Yek. Just stay silent for now.