"women, food and god" or "when food is love."

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

anyone read either of these books by geneen roth and want to discuss or comment?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I was not inspired by Roth, don't recall which one I read, but i know many people have benefited from her books so it would be interesting to hear.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i am only on chapter 5 of wfg, but i do like her guidelines for eating.

[LivingFree! 478]

I have read most of her books and some of her online workshops; follow her newsletters. She is considered among the best of the best in compulsive eating professionals. I believe that Geneen Roth offers very sound advice on healing lifelong relationships with food. However, I personally believe that her advice and methods are extremely deep and soul-searching and requires the reader to be totally committed, especially time-wise, to do the extensive work to achieve desired results. Most of us do not have the luxury of time to go as deeply as (it seems) she encourages people to work. I suppose it's really all relative, depending on how "broken" any of us feel we are!

I definitely can say that her works played an important role in healing my relationship with food, but probably only 20%--the other percentages coming from other mindful eating professionals, bariatric therapists, and my own personal accountability to forever lifestyle change.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

how do you feel her ideas have supported your recovery?

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

we discussed the first few chapters last night in my support group meeting... no one else has read her stuff??? really? i have to say, i am amazed as she is considered one of the leading writers on healing compulsive eating.

[I will what I want 271]

I read her stuff 20 years ago. I think she gets much of the food/emotional connections well but doesn't seem to have space for genetic/physiological reasons of obesity. I don't have much patience for her work anymore....I did so so so much emotional work - including 15 years with therapist - 3 times a week - and I know it's more than just emotional.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i will, interested to know how you think that is relevant post surgery.

i find all this so interesting, as all the vets i know say its "all about the insides" after a year or two, but so few people i talk to seem to focus on healing that... sure i see lots of behavior change... which goes a long way to change the feelings, but i keep circling around to the emotional stuff and seem to come up mostly empty.

huh.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Since it has been ages since I even looked at one of her books, I can't really say. I have had counseling as I was one of those that believed that surely I must be broken inside to weigh 300#. I had a counselor give me this book called "Ed". yes, the author had named her eating disorder "Ed"

I just didn't relate. I can (and have!) talked about my childhood for years and yet I was still hungry. I still had this overwhelming drive to eat. Like, an hour or two after a meal, I was ready for another one.

The eating disorder counselor would ask - what do you feel when you are hungry? HUNGRY! I don't think she ever believed me.

Anyway, post sleeve - I do see a counselor 1-2 times a month. Guess what we NEVER talk about? How food is love, how food is a substitutue for a decent father or whatever.

When I talk about needing to work on the "mental" part of all this what I am referring to is how much my life has changed and how it is good, but also difficult at times. For awhile, it was strange to look like an attractive woman and it made me feel awkward, like I had lost a protective shell. I am talking about accepting on a very deep level that I need to eat just alot less than other people do in order to maintain a trim weight. I am talking about finally being in a position where there is a whole wide world out there... what do I want out of it?

So, this is why I don't relate well to the whole eating disorders movement. I surely had "disordered eating" and I surely used food and obesity to numb emotions. But bigger than those things, I was hungry almost all the time and that primal urge drove alot of my behavior and it just doesn't anymore.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

thanks jane, i like a lot of what you said!

at our support group we only talk about actual food with noobs. the inside work seems to be about everything but the actual food. eating behavior and feeling hungry yes, but not about the food.

Edited August 22, 2014 by moonlitestarbrite

[LivingFree! 478]

how do you feel her ideas have supported your recovery?

Hi moonlitestarbrite,

Sorry I've been MIA from this thread for awhile, and haven't answered your question until now. Geneen Roth was the first author I read, probably over twenty+ years ago when I was desperately searching for why my life was in such a shambles (at that time still undiagnosed major depression). I suffered from EXTREMELY low self-esteem due in large part to my obesity and early childhood parental death. The seedlings Roth helped me plant in my brain all those years ago were that: 1) I AM "good enough" and 2) in my cocoon of profound lonliness, I used food as my only true comfort, friend, and healer. food was always there for me, no matter what. At the time, those were really major awakenings for me because I had no clue why I felt so different from everyone else and so out of control.

It took me many years and much painful work--both with psychiatrists and therapists, and utilizing self-help reading of many well-respected professionals in the field of emotional/compulsive eating, to get to where I am today. Food is just food. It is not good or bad. And its job is NOT to be a comfort or a friend--it is to fuel and nourish my body. Period.

Finding those emotional substitutes for the old famliar go-to foods when we're stressed, bored, tired, angry, etc. is a HUGE JOB that doesn't happen over night, but when you consistently do the hard work, the end result is SO WORTH THE EFFORT.

Hope this helps, at least a little. Keep up your great work!

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i appreciate your feedback. i have been reading WFAG, and a few things she says goes right through me to my very guarded heart.

but she doesnt provide much guidance on HOW to remedy this stuff. but does give good guidelines on the eating part, which is really helpful.

i have this vague feeling, which just might be made up on my part, that i have a lot of pieces, but am missing how to put them together. i have had this feeling for a long time now, and sometimes it makes me cry in frustration. there probably isnt any real "answer" but my mind (and heart) keeps grasping for it.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Moon I disagree. I think you hit on why talk therapy often doesn't work. I spent 2 years I'm talk therapy in my 20 s dealing with childhood stuff. Btw I have a slew of siblings so have others to talk to as well - none hidden. For people like me I believe all that talking just kept the trauma and pain fresh without offering any resolution. Talk therapy was for me like a regular picking at the wound and dumping salt on it.

After my sister died I did EMDR which was very targeted to trauma and was very effective for that but not the grief.

So at this stage. .. I got it that it is all part of my history but it isn't my now or mu future. My counseling Now is very focused on daily life choices and how do I break old patterns of behavior. We never talk about how those patterns were set because it doesn't matter.

So that's my situation but for people who have buried alot maybe talk therapy or Roth and other books help. It has been my experience they never offer a way forward that is clear and actionable.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

jane, i am not sure what you are disagreeing with.... that there is an "answer" for me?

i think i spend a lot of time putting the cart before the horse. i feel like i need the insight before i can move forward... that probably isnt true. i probably dont need anything in order to make good decisions and take good care of myself. i just need to do it. but i get stuck in bullshit. yk?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Disagree was wrong word.

For me the reading of eating disorders books doesn't help, endless discussion about the cause of any food issues doesn't help. In my personal case, that is ancient history and I am simply left with some shadows of that past. I don't need to understand it I just need to live and act differently. Salt in my wounds never did help me heal, living a good life seems to.