All the attention...

[KittyChick 140]

I'm having an odd time adjusting to all the new found attention & "admiration" from strangers now that I've lost weight & was just wondering how everyone else is dealing with this mindf**k.

Reflecting back on 77 lbs ago, I really felt transparent. I feel so "visible" now.

I don't know how to put this into words without sounding like a narcissist- (trust me, I'm not) but people DO look now. Often for what seems like a prolonged amount of time. I'm more self aware than ever & definitely don't feel like I'm imagining this.

When I was fatter, I was mostly left alone. I *never* felt stared at. Men didn't chat me up randomly in public the way they do now. Their faces didn't light up when they looked at me.

I vacillate between pride & annoyance most days. Pride because I spend hours upon hours in the gym now & eat healthfully and I've worked HARD to get this weight off. Annoyance because of how superficial this world is...most of the people who lavish attention upon me now wouldn't have glanced my way 77 lbs ago. I was a beautiful person then. Or at least I feel like I was.

It's weird. I'm happy with who I'm becoming, but I mourn for the fat girl who was treated as disposable and unworthy by everyone else. She was beautiful, loving, generous, and kind and she deserved better.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Congratulations on your hard earned success! That's a great loss, and even better that you are working so hard in the gym. I have to agree with you about the superficial nature of people. It's sad, but very true. I have also found that people (strangers) are nicer to me, more willing to talk randomly in stores, and people I know are even more willing to sit next to me it meetings at work! It is truly mind boggling.

I always was very well dressed and groomed, so it's not like I should have seemed disgusting to anyone, yet the fat made me unappealing to the general population. I could never be sure when I was fat that I was experiencing that, but now that I'm thin, I know it truly was being judged for my weight.I have to say, I'm over it now. I just enjoy the conversation and attention. It's a shameful truth that fat discrimination is alive and well, but I can't change the past, and I can't change how people feel. The only thing I can do is make sure I never treat people that way, because I know what it was like.

[CTRose1160 136]

Wow! Great topic. This was one of the issues I had to learn to deal with during my weight loss journey. When I was heavy, I found myself to be the one who everyone was friends with, the one who had great hair....but nothing more. Once the weight came off....boy was I thrown off guard.

It was hard for me to accept compliments. Especially when someone told me I looked good, or when the first time I was told I was skinny....(I had to learn to say thank you, as I was not use to receiving compliments).

Now for the men situation, this was a definite difficult phase. I had my guard up all the times, simply because I could not accept that for once there would be a man that found me attractive. But I can tell you this, as I lost the weight my confidence in doing more social activities changed. I found myself being a participant in life, versus being the window shopper.

There were a few moments that I specifically recall when I began to realize I just might be attractive to men....one was a time when I was shopping, a guy followed me around every isle I was in (mind you I was clothes shopping!). He even approached me and told me how nice I looked (personally that moment scared me a bit, the guy was a bit of a creeper...thank goodness I am prepared for the weirdos). And another time was when a guy working at my neighbors house made a comment...basically telling me that I was "hot"! For me being told that I was "hot", unless I had burned myself, I had never heard this before.

So bottom line, its all a process. You are finally becoming the person on the outside that you already are on the inside. Its going to be a gradual process. I did lose friends....and I had some negative comments...but overall It was a big learning process. I just started to live My real life, My new life....and learned to "try" and enjoy and accept these new compliments.

No real great advice...more of just how I muddled through all of the changes. What was personally great, was before I lost weight I truly never thought I would ever get married, I even told my dad that I was willing to settle for someone half as good as him just because I really figured I would be alone. In a way, I was preparing myself and my parents to not expect a wedding in their future and/or grandchildren. Well, after losing the weight I did meet my husband, later adopting his daughter too!

My life has changed tremendously! I had my surgery 10 yrs ago, so its been one heck of a journey too.

Wish you all the best and many successes to come!

[KittyChick 140]

Congratulations on your hard earned success! That's a great loss, and even better that you are working so hard in the gym. I have to agree with you about the superficial nature of people. It's sad, but very true. I have also found that people (strangers) are nicer to me, more willing to talk randomly in stores, and people I know are even more willing to sit next to me it meetings at work! It is truly mind boggling.

I always was very well dressed and groomed, so it's not like I should have seemed disgusting to anyone, yet the fat made me unappealing to the general population. I could never be sure when I was fat that I was experiencing that, but now that I'm thin, I know it truly was being judged for my weight.I have to say, I'm over it now. I just enjoy the conversation and attention. It's a shameful truth that fat discrimination is alive and well, but I can't change the past, and I can't change how people feel. The only thing I can do is make sure I never treat people that way, because I know what it was like.

@@MichiganChic

Thank you for the kind words. I also wasn't positive when I was fat(ter) that I was being treated shoddily because of my weight but yes, as I've lost it, I'm absolutely sure now.

And I was always seen as "high-maintenance"- even at my fattest I was very into make up, nail polish, and fashion. It's not like I was walking around in dirty sweat pants and a rag on my head back then! But still, the reactions/treatment from people is completely different. It's jarring.

[SD Kelly 17]

Congrats on the weight loss. I'm sure you will get use to the compliments.

[KittyChick 140]

Wow! Great topic. This was one of the issues I had to learn to deal with during my weight loss journey. When I was heavy, I found myself to be the one who everyone was friends with, the one who had great hair....but nothing more. Once the weight came off....boy was I thrown off guard.

It was hard for me to accept compliments. Especially when someone told me I looked good, or when the first time I was told I was skinny....(I had to learn to say thank you, as I was not use to receiving compliments).

Now for the men situation, this was a definite difficult phase. I had my guard up all the times, simply because I could not accept that for once there would be a man that found me attractive. But I can tell you this, as I lost the weight my confidence in doing more social activities changed. I found myself being a participant in life, versus being the window shopper.

There were a few moments that I specifically recall when I began to realize I just might be attractive to men....one was a time when I was shopping, a guy followed me around every isle I was in (mind you I was clothes shopping!). He even approached me and told me how nice I looked (personally that moment scared me a bit, the guy was a bit of a creeper...thank goodness I am prepared for the weirdos). And another time was when a guy working at my neighbors house made a comment...basically telling me that I was "hot"! For me being told that I was "hot", unless I had burned myself, I had never heard this before.

So bottom line, its all a process. You are finally becoming the person on the outside that you already are on the inside. Its going to be a gradual process. I did lose friends....and I had some negative comments...but overall It was a big learning process. I just started to live My real life, My new life....and learned to "try" and enjoy and accept these new compliments.

No real great advice...more of just how I muddled through all of the changes. What was personally great, was before I lost weight I truly never thought I would ever get married, I even told my dad that I was willing to settle for someone half as good as him just because I really figured I would be alone. In a way, I was preparing myself and my parents to not expect a wedding in their future and/or grandchildren. Well, after losing the weight I did meet my husband, later adopting his daughter too!

My life has changed tremendously! I had my surgery 10 yrs ago, so its been one heck of a journey too.

Wish you all the best and many successes to come!

@@CTRose1160

Aww congrats on your life accomplishments & marriage. What a wonderful story.

I agree about the compliments. It's hard to hear them because even though I've passed the halfway mark, I still feel like I have a LONG way to go & my body doesn't look anywhere near the way I want it to. Learning to say "thank you" instead of "OMG but I'm still SO FAT!" is tough.

And yeah...the men thing is confounding. Some of them are just so stinkin enthusiastic in their interactions with me...it's actually very grating sometimes. In my mind I'm saying "why the hell is this clown so damn cheery and cheesy?"

I find myself thinking... "is this what skinny cute girls have had to deal with their whole lives? YIKES!"

I can admit that sometimes I DO enjoy the increased attention. Other times though, it really does make me genuinely sad. This kind of enthusiasm & praise would have done me a lot of good when I was struggling at 285 lbs. Seeing a glimmer in a man's eye would have been REALLY nice back then.

[WhoKnows 288]

Yeah, as I lose, I've noticed a distinct uptick in unwanted male attention in public. I'm planning to get a really short haircut soon, and I'm starting wear more pants now and dress more masculinely, also hold myself with more confidence, and I'm hoping this will help. Street harassment (even if someone thinks it's a compliment!) blows, and I'm not afraid to talk back either.

[Katcloudshepherd 630]

Hello everyone,

Interesting topic. I was walking out of a grocery store yesterday headed to my vehicle. A man was walking into the store. He said: "You're the most beautiful woman in San Antonio." "If you weren't married, I'd marry you." I said "Thank You".

I'm the same person as I was on my day of surgery, December 11, 2013 but my exterior has obviously changed. I told a friend about it and he said he knew I was always a strong, beautiful, intelligent and confident woman and some can see now the exterior beauty matches the inner beauty. He said many men want a strong, beautiful, intelligent and confident woman.

I just thought well, maybe the man took his "happy" pills and he's really "happy, happy, happy"

I have noticed total strangers treat me much better now and I've commented on it here on this site.

Y'all have a good one.

Blessings,

Kathleen

[gowalking 10,790]

I'm half the size I was when I started this journey and I see a therapist to help me with my body image issues...which are largely dictated by how others act(ed) towards me.

I get compliments and don't quite know how to handle them...I've been called the 'S' word...skinny...and it makes me very uncomfortable. I often feel like I'm pretending to be a thin person because in my head, I'm still fat.

I have become very aware that people are nicer to me now. Not that they were mean before, but I'm talking about the guy on the plane who helps me to put my suitcase in the overhead...or the men who hold the door, or let me get off the elevator first. Those are fairly new experiences.

I'm still a work in progress. I'm just now starting to look people in the eye instead of always looking down. I do dress nicer, I wear makeup, do my hair, nails, etc. I wasn't a slob before...not at all. But I didn't do anything special either.

This really is pretty new territory for me and I'm still learning how to navigate it in this smaller body. I even find myself looking with disgust at other large people and I stop myself right away. God...I used to be that person...I should have nothing but compassion and yet I don't always. Terrible, right?

Any other addiction is hidden from people till they get to know you but our food addiction is there for all to see and judge without ever getting to know us. I'm glad I get professional help. I know I never want to be fat again because I'm finally able to live a normal life. The trick now is to learn to live this way for the rest of my life. And we all know based on 'fell off the wagon' posts that it's easy to self sabotage.

This was a great topic to post. I appreciate being able to respond to it.

[dsdesigna 143]

Obese people get treated differently than those that are of more normal weight. I'm considering anger management classes to deal with it since I really don't want some innocent guy to feel the wrath. Knowing that they wouldn't have even given me the time of day as a fat woman just irks me. But we live in a superficial society. I have to admit I'm superficial too though. I would never treat someone poorly because of their size but certainly other aspects of their appearance might make me avoid interaction.

And the cold hard truth is there are men out there that did find me attractive even at my heaviest but I didn't like myself or couldn't believe they were being sincere... or I thought they were crazy for finding me attractive. Whatever the reason I still a newbie when it comes to weight loss surgery and I know I'll have issues with looks, but I also have to take responsibility, rightly so, and be proud that I've worked very hard to get people to give me a chance. And I look forward to my outside matching my insides.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Wow, wonderful posts from everyone. @@gowalking, I understand the flash of disgust and catching yourself. I've done it too, even at my high weight. I think we always actively fight that impulse that comes with our judgmental society. I've started to get comments and questions from coworkers a lot now. Some I have told about my band, some not. I tend to steer the conversation toward health and longevity. Nobody questions the desire to be healthier.

[nursesabby 7]

Congratulations on your hard work and success! Agree completely! After my divorce is when I began gaining weight. I believe (haha with the help of my therapist!) that I felt invisible and tried to make myself invisible. I hid behind my weight when I was faced with the challenge of having to date after all those years. Ugh all anybody was interested in was how I looked. I wanted to scream "don't you see anything else?!" Easier to sit home with ice cream! However, wanting to be invisible has taken it's toll on me. I look back on pictures of past five years and it looks like I never even participated in school events or vacations. My daughters started putting lock codes on their phones so I can't go in and delete pics of myself. My health has been worse in past year than my entire life combined. I have strong kind and loving husband, children and friends that make me feel good about myself. I am ready to start participating in life! I will always be uncomfortable with compliments, but I know the pleasure it gives me to compliment others so I will just learn to smile and say Thank You!

[CTRose1160 136]

Oh I meant to add something else, when I lost the weight during the process, I,treated myself better. For many years before the surgery I nearly wore the same outfit all the time.....I also had a whole wardrobe of nearly all black clothing.

Mind you, as I transformed myself, I,began to take more pride in my appearance. I think overall, that was one of the biggest lessons and/or learning curves to consider too. When I went out (after surgery) I was a bit more particular with my clothing...I dressed nicer...took pride in my makeup, hair etc. I noticed I looked up more....I believe it was this part of me that allowed for increased attention too. I was finally enjoying life, while learning (and still learning) how to enjoy my new image. Looking at myself in the mirror is still not always easy, as I feel I am pretty critical of myself, but I am trying to be more accepting and more forgiving......

[PuraVida37 715]

I did not go public with my surgery (for many reasons, but mainly it's nobody's business!), but due to the mystery weight loss, I get looks from my coworkers. I hate it. Hello, I CAN see you scanning my body up and down, judging, approvingly smiling or finishing your scan with a mean look. Whether or not you mean to do it, I don't care. I don't want to be checked out unless I am in the fanciest party dress, thank you very much! And I weigh 215, stop calling me skinny mini. Mind your own F business is what I want to tell them.

Now, there are some who genuinely want to learn from me, I'll talk to them gladly about how Protein is king, and yes, you actually have to put the gym/walking time in to get results. I'll be happy to help.

Edited August 5, 2014 by PuraVida37

[enjoyinglife 313]

I have had a few random women pass by me and look at me and say "hi." My trainer and her client stopped lifting weights to watch me walk past them. One of my female friends told me my butt looked great in the jeans I was wearing. I had a female at work tell my female co-worker "I never noticed him when he was heavy" My girlfriend thinks I am gorgeous.

My brain is trying to catch up to my body, I don't know if it truly ever will. I won't lie, I have enjoyed the attention. Today as I was putting on my Youth size large workout pants, I said out loud: "there is no way my huge butt is going to fit into these tiny pants." It does. And it amazes me everytime.

Just my two cents...

Edited August 5, 2014 by lostinthought