A decade ago

[CTRose1160 136]

I had my RNY surgery on May 4th, 2004 to be exact. Like everyone on this site, my weight had been an issue for many, many years and this surgery seemed to be the only option I had left. In fact, a close friend of mine had the surgery before me and it was due to her positive experiences that I began looking into it.

Ironically, at the time time I began investigating this surgery, my mother was a nurse working in bariatrics, working for the doctor I would later have the surgery from.

I will be the first to tell you, that choosing surgery is a very personal choice. I do not think it is for everyone and feel one should look at all options before choosing surgery. I have not always been open in talking about it, as I was fearful of others negative comments and even more so, my own fear of failing. What if the surgery did not produced the results I want?

Before deciding on her surgery, I will admit I was just completely lost. I hated what I looked like and felt just completely out of touch with my inner self as compared to my outer appearance. I would lie to my friends and family about my work schedule simply to miss having anyone see me. I would often times avoid phone calls so that I could not be available. As with any family, I had major issues with facing certain people because it was never good...or made me feel worse. I have a number of family members who never suffered with weight issues....my brother for example has always looked great....my mother and aunt always looked great....my grandparents too. There were people in my family who tried to diet with me, or point out every food item I was eating, saying, "that is your third dinner roll" or, "do you know how many calories are in that?". It was just one comment after another. I was ashamed of what I looked liked, and angry/jealous of others who were skinny or seemed to have no weight issues. Being overweight, simply sucks! Being the fat girl, the one with the great hair and funny personality Sucks! I was sick and tired of being the third wheel, the girl who had a lot of male "friends", or the one who was just a great person to talk to. I had enough! I wanted to change.

When you are heavy, there are common comments you tend to hear day in and day out. Some are self generated, while others are said directly.....of course, those comments become our daily motto (at least for me they did). Instead of, you are so beautiful....I would be told "I love your hair", "you are just big boned", "you have your dads figure" (by the way not a compliment...love my dad, but really!". The comments people make are really unbelievable.

Ok so I finally decide on surgery. I was approximately 220 pounds before surgery. At this point, I was told by some in a support group I was not heavy enough to have the surgery! Such a crazy response to make in a Support Group session. I stayed 5 days in the hospital....and my weight loss process began. The first year after surgery had its moments. I cannot say it was always easy. Yes, the weight came off....incredibly fast. I was so happy with the results. Eating, that was different and often times a big struggle. I had a very hard time keeping food down...and finding food I was able to tolerate. Overtime, this improved. So much so, that I no longer suffer from the same restrictions as I did in the beginning. I think this was something to expect, but am now facing some realities I truly did not think about as the beginning stages of my weight loss were so successful.

My lowest weight was 124 pounds, but that only lasted for half of the day. My stable weight stayed between 132-140. After approximately 3 years after surgery I began gaining weight. Each year there after seemed to be more and more difficult. I remember weighing 138 pounds and visiting my grandfather. Spent a long day with him, only to have him tell me at the end of our visit that I was getting fat! Truth be told, I was gaining weight, I just hated hearing that I was fat! After all, I had a surgery to help with my weight. At approximately 5 years after surgery, I weighed 150. Not a horrible weight, but something definitely needed to change. So, I started running. And got into swimming again...and eventually took up triathlons. I completed 5k's, 10k's, sprint triathlons, half marathons, a swim around the florida keys, half iron-man...the list goes on. I just readjusted my life.

Well now, 10 years out from my surgery, I am at an overwhelming weight of 172! I am getting back to the basics....And trying to get back on track. I have joined this site for additional support and to find others just like me. I knew I would gain some weight back, I just never expected to get to where I am now. Yes, I have taken the liberty to eat the wrong foods, to eat too much, to snack...and just simply stop doing what I am suppose to do. I have allowed outside stress and daily life stuff get in the way of my past successes. I am now focusing on me, and what I need to do to get healthy! I want to lose this weight and am determined to be successful.

**quick advice for anyone in the beginning stages or ones noticing a weight gain.....

Weight loss is not magic, the surgery only works as successfully as You follow it! Be mindful of what you eat, and never take it for granted that it will be the solution you are seeking. I am learning this and am taking full accountability for where I am now.

Sorry for such a long post....but thanks for letting me share....

[Peggy Jean 41]

Thanks for the post. I know it is something I will need to always remember. I hope i am as blessed as you have been; I am so looking forward to really being active for the first time. I know it is a very long, slow road; especially as I have other medical issues, but it is one of my goals ... just one foot in front of the other, right?