RNY caused me to lose my friends

[jtickle 295]

I don't have a bunch of friends and the two that I am closest to have ditched me because I am losing weight. One of them was so jealous she took it upon herself to post all my health issues on Facebook after I unfriended her. The reason I know she did this is because she was still Facebook friends with my husband and I seen the post on his page. She has since blocked us. They other friend was all kinds of curious about the surgery until she realized I have lost over 50 pounds in two months. She hasn't talked to me in weeks except one text message asking me if one of her friends, a girl who treated me like crap in high school, could have my clothes that are to big. I told her no. Haven't heard from her since. I have one other friend who lives 500 miles from me, we went to college together. She is totally supportive of what I am doing. She knows several people who have had a bypass and she knows it is not easy. I don't understand why my other two former friends are so jealous they feel they can't be happy for me.

[gowalking 10,790]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It's painful to lose friends. But...the truth is that these ladies were never your friends. Friends don't abandon you when you improve your life. You will find out who your true friends are when you see who supports you...and who doesn't.

Forget these gals....they are poison to you. I bet you find that the 'new and improved' jtickle makes new friends. You can't control how others interact with you and whatever makes these women jealous is not your issue.

I know it won't be easy, but move on and know that you are leaving these toxic relationships behind.

Congrats on taking control of your life and your health.

[Baconville 578]

This is very common. I have lost 205 pounds, I had RNY on 6/25/13. My problems are at work. I work in a very small office, 14 female employees. Before surgery I was accepted and had great relationships with my co-workers. Since losing the weight I have been told that they don't like the sound of my voice and that they don't feel that I contribute anything meaningful to any conversation. When my boss told me this, she was adamant that she is thrilled with the work that I do. Believe me, it was hard to hear.

In the end, this is THEIR problem, not yours. You do not need these negative, overweight people in your life anymore. As you lose your weight you will get out more, go to exercise classes and make new healthier friends. Sometimes we need to lose more than the weight to be happy and healthy. In the end you will be happier without these so called friends in your life.

Carol

[mitzie46 116]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I agree with go walking. They probably were never your friends. This appears to be quite common. I feel very lucky to have not had this experience. Here's to hoping you find new true friends very soon!

[Cupcake 801]

I agree with the above statements they were never your friends to begin with if they cancel your friendship over you being health, true friends want the best for their friends and this includes being healthy. You will meet new people that will welcome your friendship . Good luck my friend. And remember you have all of us and we will be here for you.

[esskay77 785]

Unfortunately, this is common. You have taken proactive measures to improve your life and they don't know how to deal with it. You are being positive, losing weight, probably happier--you have basically upset the balance! But that's ok. Just know that others don't know how to deal with it. We put people into buckets of how we think of them and that creates a dynamic that we get used to. YOu have now changed that dynamic and they don't know which bucket you belong in now. People get very weird when others lose weight. I have seen it over the years with other people (who lost weight but didn't have the surgery). You will find new friends who won't treat you like that. It will take time but you will do it. And you will be better off!

Congratulations on your progress for far and stay positive. Don't hate them but don't give in to their need for you to be like you were. Just do your own thing--go walking at lunch, whatever.

I wish you the best of luck.

[jtickle 295]

Everyone is right these girls are not worth it. I could understand them disliking me if I was bragging about my weight loss but I haven't. I try to keep to myself cause I figured someone would get jealous if I talked to much about it. I am starting school in the spring, hopefully I will make some new friends then. Until then I will just focus on getting healthier.

[pik 262]

You know, just like everyone has said, they were never your friend. A true friend sticks with you through the thick and the thin (no pun intended.)

I don't have very many friends to begin with. My fiance' is my best friend and he has stuck with me through everything.

This is something that happens a lot. It happens with different things. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and belong to a group on Facebook and I read time and time again how people have lost friends over the RA.

You did this for yourself so you can live a healthy life. If they were your friends. they would be supportive of you and would be by your side.

I actually have a friend that I feel I have actually become closer to since a little before the surgery. I think it is because she has also had the RNY.

Maybe you should try and go to the group discussions with the people who have also had surgery. I would bet you would make some life long friends there.....

I'm sorry this has happened to you...

[mi75 1,235]

i'm a sleever and that doesn't matter, this is a universal issue for ALL bariatrics...

i have noted some snarky behavior from people around me as well. it's sad that people can't just realize that our choice to have surgery is NOT a vanity thing. i didn't have surgery so i could lose 100 lbs and flaunt around in a bikini and rub it in people's faces.

i had surgery so that at 38 years old i would LIVE. see my kids grow up. maybe see grandkids. have a chance at collecting my 401-k someday! seriously.

just realize that your new life will be better without so much sludge (those people) holding you back. you certainly won't have to worry about going to eat with them and they constantly trying to sabotage you! maybe find a good support group and make some NEW friends there. good luck!

[msrereb 6]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I know those kind of people. But like everyone has said, they weren't really your friends. Now you know! Count losing those "friends" as additional dead weight loss! Rejoice in that!!

[Leena 108]

This happened tp me in 2007 after I had the band. I lost my mother to jealous fits once I went from a size 28 to 16. I had complications with my band and had to have it removed jn April and revised to bypass in July.

Now I have a partner who is so unhappy with me. He resents me being sick due to complications from The band and now the bypass. He's had the bypass himself. The only other people that know about it are my grandmother, kids and their Dad. I've only told one of my friends I revised for fear if loosing the others. They all know my band came out and think I went back in to have damage repaired which I did ( 2 hernias, adhesions and scar tissue and liver biopsies).

I've had 3 hospital stays since removal and don't want to deal with any more fall out from this. It already looks like I'll be moving out and no longer with my partner once Im recovered enough to do so. I absolutely hate being yelled at, cursed at and stuck at home because of complications. He thinks I'm ruining his life because he took a few hours off of work to drop me off at the hospital- and that I cant go out anywhere. And that he's "picking up the slack". Meanwhile I have a home nurse and my teenagers have been picking up things at the pharmacy and local convience store, their Dad even brought down groceries. And I've started ordering things like Protein shakes on Amazon (still on liquids). I hate asking him to do anything as I get comments like he's not my servant. I was so sick post op that my kids were helping me shower, helping me up the stairs and in and out of the chair I've been sleeping on. They've been cleaning the house daily and have taken turns sleeping on the couch so they could help me out of the chair in the middle if the night so i could go to the bathroom.. Week 3 I was finally able to do those things on my own. At one point their father came down to take care of me because they told them how I was being treated. He took me to the hospital for my first snd second stay and a few appointments.

It does really hurt to loose people as a result of them not being able to handle your surgery. But it is for the best- what's worse is being stuck there with them.

[Marathongirl 106]

This says volumes about them, and nothing about you. I lost friends back in college when I lost 30lbs and was really thin. I know it's hard to lose them as friends, but you don't need that negativity in your life when you're going through something as serious as losing weight. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Hopefully you'll meet some great people who support you in every way!

[Cupcake 801]

Jtinkle how are you today I am sure that as you progress and get into the gym you will meet several like minded friends. Your ex-friends are jelouse you are now focusing on your overall quality of life which is a positive thing. Stay focus and show them all you got this, perhaps they will see your success and began to make necessary healthy choices of their own.

[jtickle 295]

Jtinkle how are you today I am sure that as you progress and get into the gym you will meet several like minded friends. Your ex-friends are jelouse you are now focusing on your overall quality of life which is a positive thing. Stay focus and show them all you got this, perhaps they will see your success and began to make necessary healthy choices of their own.

I am doing fine, I had little infection in one of my incisions, but its doing great. I am on 3 antibiotics for it. One of my friends has come around the other has not, so I cut ties with her and let her go. My life isn't any different without her. The friend that came around understands why i had the surgery. I wanted it to get rid of my comorbidities, especially the diabetes. She is trying to keep me from going to the gym so much though. I go 6 days a week for an hour. The doctor said to go 5 days a weeks for 30 to 60 minutes.

[Cupcake 801]

Jtickle thats great I am glad that one of your friends has seen the benefits from this surgery my reason for having my procedure was because of my diabetics type 2 as well I got tired of taking 5 shots a day and with high blood pressure and high cholesterol that was the final straw, I will be getting enrolling into LaFitness this Thursday so that I can take advantage of their aqua aerobics and other exercise equipment, I have been walking everyday now and getting in all of my required Water and i see with just this adjustment i drop 11 pounds this week. My goal is to go to the gym at lest 5-6 days a week as well as continue to walk. My husband said I have transfered my food addiction to exercise, lol but its ok because I feel great and I want to hit my goal by my anniversary date which is May 19.keep us posted .