Why are some weight loss surgery patients so clueless?

[hopeful one 86]

@ LindafromFlorida I totally agree with you , I have gotten a lot of help from here and have met some of the nicest caring people but it really upsets me when some people ask questions and they are called stupid questions and None of us know what those people are going thru, it may be that they are just reaching out for a friend to talk to. It scares me to think of someone really needing that communication and people not taking all of that into consideration. So many people are fortunate enough to get a lot of info and it just hurts me to see them reaching out in their own way and get some of the responses that they have gotten, but it is what it is and I am sorry if I offended anyone with my post and I will just not reply anymore because I hurt for some of the people who haven't been lucky enough to be educated realy good about all of the things surrounding weight loss surgery. Again I am sorry for sounding rude .

[hopeful one 86]

To all on this topic, I am sorry for my post, I have met some great people on here and have gotten a lot of info , and again I am sorry for the post. If I could delete it I would , but I can say I am sorry. I was just upset.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

"I will be going to my surgeons appt. tomorrow and I will tell them just how it has gotten on this sight as far as the hateful remarks that people are giving to people who need support and help."

So you are going to run home and "tattle" on us? WTF does your surgeon care about what gets posted on here anyways? And while we're on the subject, If all of the surgeons did their jobs and provided appropriate education and support like they should, their patients wouldn't have to come seeking advice from total strangers on an Internet forum.

Can you see my jazz hands??

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

@ LindafromFlorida I totally agree with you , I have gotten a lot of help from here and have met some of the nicest caring people but it really upsets me when some people ask questions and they are called stupid questions and None of us know what those people are going thru, it may be that they are just reaching out for a friend to talk to. It scares me to think of someone really needing that communication and people not taking all of that into consideration. So many people are fortunate enough to get a lot of info and it just hurts me to see them reaching out in their own way and get some of the responses that they have gotten, but it is what it is and I am sorry if I offended anyone with my post and I will just not reply anymore because I hurt for some of the people who haven't been lucky enough to be educated realy good about all of the things surrounding weight loss surgery. Again I am sorry for sounding rude .

Relax, not judging you! Life is good! I am far from perfect and I know I got a bit snide at times. But I guarantee 97% of my 1,781 posts have been helpful and encouraging with the exception of one thread I have gotten really upset about some wrongdoing. Sometimes Hopeful I think we can get caught up in the haters' rants, and we all know we cannot make everyone happy. Just stay with us, relax, and cheer the best you can, and when someone is ranting, try to find the positive or leave the topic. This is working for me!!!!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Can you see my jazz hands??

You make my day! You keep me laughing! lmfbo!

[Pepper123 320]

Hmmm I don't know or maybe ppl are just not thinking about the post they are making... I mean all those question should be the basic ...Can't really blame the provider... Ppl read not many comprehend well!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Wow. There is alot of anger here.

I remember being tender feeling, vulnerable and all that. Sometimes things are taken harsher than they were ever intended. Don't forget there are plenty of us who have answered questions and tried to give support, hope and advice over the long haul. I personally do it for two reasons.. #1 I want to pay it forward as I got so much from those who went before me and #2 even though I am "successful" I still need support to stay successful.

I don't know if I am included in your hateful mouth category or not but my observation is that people going through stages of this process can get self righteous. .blah blah. ..perhaps consider forgiving us all for being less than perfect.

First let me say Roostertail I agree with you, and now.... I have intentionally stayed off of Bariatricpal.com a lot in the last couple of weeks because of some of these Hateful mouth people. There is no such thing as a STUPID QUESTION when you don't understand everything, and some of the hateful responders really are making this decision hard for some people. For those of you who are Perfect in this Journey ... Why are you on Here? I thought this sight was for people who needed to understand more and for people who were here to try and help the ones who needed more education on this subject. Your hateful mouth responses aren't needed by anyone that needs help. I will be going to my surgeons appt. tomorrow and I will tell them just how it has gotten on this sight as far as the hateful remarks that people are giving to people who need support and help. It isn't up to anyone of us to judge anybody but if someone is asking a question NO MATTER WHAT IT IS OR HOW CRAZY IT SOUNDS TO YOU KNOW IT ALLS, stop and think that some of these people never get the education as some of us do on this journey, sure they can read a book but some of them may not have money to buy the flippin book so to the ones of you that know EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS JOURNEY AND HAVE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE OR ASK A QUESTION TO GET MORE INFO STOP and think before you respond hateful or mean to someone, that person may just be someone who is so depressed that they just need someone to talk to and someone to care and now for any of you who need to ask a question or just want to talk friend me and I will do anything I can to talk with you and answer your questions and if I don't know it we will find the answer , You may send me a message , but please don't let the hateful responders bother you . That is not what this group is all about.

[auntiemel 275]

"I will be going to my surgeons appt. tomorrow and I will tell them just how it has gotten on this sight as far as the hateful remarks that people are giving to people who need support and help." So you are going to run home and "tattle" on us? WTF does your surgeon care about what gets posted on here anyways? And while we're on the subject, If all of the surgeons did their jobs and provided appropriate education and support like they should, their patients wouldn't have to come seeking advice from total strangers on an Internet forum.

I didn't get good advice from the first place I went to and came here and cried my heart out...if only I could remember my username and I'd from then...

I had no one to turn to and people here were there to help me

[Roostertail2 98]

_{Emotions have played such a huge part in this whole process. I am not an emotional person yet my other half just said to me the other day that even though I am doing this for myself they wanted me to know that I have always been beautiful to them no matter what size. We will be celebrating our 17th anniversary in October so its soooo sweet to still hear that after such a long time together and know it came from the heart- anyway - I started crying! lol. I am on this site everyday - its on my phone so I am always checking the posts - I am sure most of us do. I needed this site for support so my family didn't get sick of hearing about it everyday, need it for answers when I am unsure and don't want to call DR or NUT for every little question, need it for venting, need it for insight into what may/will happen as time goes by. I don't ever want to get to the point where I forget where this journey started. The person who I am right now - the person who is excited, frustrated, scared........Each and every person who has had WLS surgery should understand where us newbies are coming from and help and support us. You again are our mentors and we depend on you! I appreciate the long timers who stay in touch and help us!}

[Forsythia 882]

this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? probably not.

most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like.

online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal. take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude.

Oddly, I was never big on buffets. I want my food cooked to order. LOL. God only knows how long the food has been sitting out on the buffet.

No really, there are lots of topics with questions I think are basic knowledge. And lots that have been asked before. It's the nature of the beast that is the internet. Sometimes I don't feel the need to answer the same question over and over again. Rather than be an ass about it, I just click out of the topic.

[Hawk7775 54]

I didn't read most of the 13 pages of posts but want to put in my 2 cents on the main topic of this post.

This site is great because it brings together people who are or are headed to the same destination - WLS but often from very different perspectives. Every insurance company has different requirements, every surgeon has different procedures and every dietitian has different opinions. Thus, pre-op plans and post-op phases can be very different for each of us. For example, my pre-op diet was 3 shakes, 2 bars, unlimited vegetables and 3oz Protein per day. Others have been liquid only. Those are vastly different but neither is wrong or dangerous.

Some people ask questions because their process left them with little guidance. Others may ask questions to compare advice given by different providers. Some people are worried about everything - especially that their results are not normal. It is also true that some people are just plain stupid.

I think it is fine to post a general rant about your general perceptions as to others' knowledge, commitment, dedication etc based on their posts. It is something else to attack someone who asks a question directly - even if it is a stupid question. Nothing useful can come from that.

I for one am the type of person to look at everything critically - including advice from my doctors and dietitians and I would encourage everyone to do the same, This site is one of my resources. Just a couple examples - My soft foods diet from my dietitian says I can have ground turkey but that ground beef is a "problem food" and that I can have mashed potatoes, whole grain crackers and whole grain bread while at the same time saying that a ritz cracker or white bread is a "problem food." That doesn't make a ton of sense to me. Does problem food mean that there is a danger of splitting my sleeve open if I eat ground beef instead of ground turkey?

Many providers have a way of answering questions without really giving you a straight answer. Maybe I come on here and ask a question to help me decide if my dietitian is telling me that ground beef is a problem food because it is fattier than ground turkey or if it is actually dangerous at this phase. I might not even want to or intend on eating ground beef but I want others' input as to what their programs are telling them. I don't need or want to be called names, accused of being a failure and otherwise lectured for that question. My thought is that if your inclination is to do one of those things, just move on to the next topic.

The alcohol one is a great example. Many providers say no alcohol for a certain period of time. Is it because it is dangerous? Is it because it is empty calories? Why do they say that? For me, I asked my surgeon if I could have a drink at a special occasion 5 weeks after surgery. He said yes. He warned that alcohol is empty calories and something that can hinder weight loss. Perhaps someone else's dr. said no. By posting here and asking the question, the person could learn what other's doctors have said and could then ask appropriate follow-up questions of his or her doctor to learn why the dr. said no. If the dr explains that it is just empty calories, the person could choose to ignore the doctor. If the dr says based on your history it could be dangerous because of x, y and z, the person now knows why it is unsafe for them to have a drink.

Aww heck I don't even remember my point anymore. Perhaps the thing to take from it all is some people are stupid and some people are jerks and there is no reason to interact with either of those types or get worked up by anything they post,

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Good post Hawk. Your opinion matters and I needed a little humor today, lol! Personally I cancelled our 6 month appointment for follow up with the Nut because I could not get straight answers. I can guess as good as she can. I also could not get straight answers from other medical professionals concerning my husband's severe diabetic problems, and thanks to Bariatric Pal we did find more information during the process. Sometimes you have to trust your gut instinct that you are doing the right thing.

[docbree 199]

Perhaps the thing to take from it all is some people are stupid and some people are jerks and there is no reason to interact with either of those types or get worked up by anything they post,

Well said!

[Hawk7775 54]

Just want to clarify. I wasn't calling anyone in particular stupid or a jerk.

[Roostertail2 98]

• Very well put Hawk!