Why are some weight loss surgery patients so clueless?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Sigh.

You getting in that last word?

Edited August 7, 2014 by LipstickLady

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Just to be clear- I re-read the thread that upset me. It really wasn't that bad.. I think that the problem is that we simply don't know where a persons headspace is at when they are writing their message of help- if someone is in a really bad headspace, by giving constructive criticism someone could be really hurt by the comments... I was really hurt then, but if I saw it now after posting a comment I would not be. My feeling is that if someone is really new, and just a week or two out of surgery, I would have preferred a gentler hand. Once someone is 2-3 months out, bring on the toughness

this is one of the pitfalls of going to a forum for support. no one here really knows what you need or what your true headspace is. no one here knows if you "broke" your sleeve or not. people respond how they respond. its not always what we need. but this happens irl too. and when we talk with close friends, or the doctor's office.

under the best of circumstances, communication is is imperfect and difficult. online its even harder. dont waste your time being upset with what other people dont give you. go out and find it yourself or tell people exactly what you need and see if someone can give it to you. but no one on a forum can even guess. its too hard online.

[terry1118 1,274]

Seems that no matter what words I use in this thread.. They are wrong..So...I shall take the back door and leave this thread to those who can express themselves better then I......

I understand your frustration and sometimes 'bowing out' of a thread is all you can do if it heads in a direction that you find disturbing or uncomfortable. But I've always found your input thought-provoking and considerate. It is very hard to communicate with the written word because there is no tone of voice or facial expressions to soften or accentuate what we are trying to say. Things are easily misunderstood or taken out of context... and sometimes they unintentionally hit a sensitive spot in someone's life causing an unexpected reaction. We don't actually know each other and we all have these sensitive spots that trigger defensive responses. We need to keep things in perspective. :-)

[RNBSN786 206]

I am ready to help. If there are posts that are redundant and I am lazy to respond then I just move along. I don't let it get to me. No point in getting all worked up. We are here to help each other and that's how I look at it. Besides if I don't help then I am doing injustice to my own profession. So if anyone needs help, email me:

st1614@nyu.edu

God bless!

[Roostertail2 98]

Wow..u have found the right place here. Ask all u need...u definitely will need help in right direction. .read read read! Did u not have ANY preop classes that qualified u for this? Anything? Hang in there!

Hey blond and anyone else out there who needs support- I just had my bypass surgery 8/5 so I am a newbie BUT I did have surgery at a center for excellence by the chief of staff. I have had numerous nut visits and have a large binder of several topics like diet, exercise, recipes and so on. I spend several hours a day on research and feel I am educated in this process. A far as repetitive posts about stalls- I agree that everyone should know that they will happen- but consider the fear we all have had that maybe we are one of the ones this doesn't work for? SUPPORT should not be something we pick and choose as to when we provide it and to whom. Support should be given freely. Each and everyone of us are/has been fat- and we each made the choice to finally do something about it. We know better than most what it feels like to be judged... So shame on anyone in here judging others! Perhaps you are now superior to the rest of us? If so maybe you need to move on to answering the questions In vogue magazines instead of griping about questions you find in here? With that being said- I am available to anyone to answer questions I feel I can or direct you to other sources if I don't know...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

OK, this thread needs to lighten up.

Teacher asked Little Johnny to think of a 3 syllable word. Little Johnny replies, "Urinate".

Teacher tells Little Johnny to use it in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Urinate. And if you had bigger boobs you'd be a 10".

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I've got one!!

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
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He worked his problem out with a pencil.

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It was a number 2 pencil.

Edited August 8, 2014 by LipstickLady

[Forsythia 882]

I've got one!!

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

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He worked his problem out with a pencil.

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It was a number 2 pencil.

This joke is wrong on so many levels.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Har!

[Jersrose43 837]

This joke is wrong on so many levels.

But funny sh$t

[a_new_me_43 3]

<p class='citation'>crazyweight, on August 5, 2014 - 4:26 PM, said:</p><div class='blockquote'><div class='quote'><p>&lt;p&gt;I just want to say that some of you are REALLY judgemental. Everyone has a different journey, everyone has different experiences.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;<br>

&lt;p&gt;Here is what happened to me: I did surgery at a private hospital in Israel. All my instructions were given out in google-translated English and we did not need 6 months prior counseling, nor did we need a liquid diet, nor did I need to meet with a psychiatrist. I had exactly one meeting with a NUT who barely spoke English. None of these were really a downfall however, and thankfully I have managed to lose a significant amount of weight.&lt;/p&gt;<br>

&lt;p&gt;What I did struggle with, however, was that about 4-5 days after coming home (I have three kids) everyone was stuffing their face and having a party. And I ate exactly one tiny pretzel that I chewed into pieces. And you know what? It didn't hurt, it tasted good and I was fine.. What happened next was not OK though- I really was panicked that my sleeve wasn't working, or I had ruined it. I NEEDED support desperately from people who had BTDT, and I made the mistake of posting on here. I got exactly one piece of support and the rest ridiculed/ derided/mocked or basically told me how stupid I was for doing so. Ummmm people f**k up- didn't many of us screw up somewhere to be in need of surgery to begin with? I think this board is great for questions, but you know what? Sometimes people make mistakes. And need support for those mistakes, not to be ridiculed or made fun of or be called out for being stupid.&lt;/p&gt;<br>

&lt;p&gt;Had someone said to me back then- "you know, you shouldn't have eaten it, but you haven't ruined your sleeve- PM me if you need to talk in future" that would have done a lot more for my self-esteem and support through the process than all the people who told me I was dumb and I shouldn't have done surgery to begin with etc.. etc..&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;<br>

&lt;p&gt;It is HARD to have little kids who wander round with food and not feel inclined to touch any of it despite having basically been on a fast for at least a week prior. It is HARD to make dinner and smell something yummy and not touch it. Yes, you should realise all thise before you do surgery, but realising something and living it are two very different things. And, quite frankly, if you cannot be in a place to give constructive support to someone who is likely going through a really low point in their lives, look away and move on. Don't mock or deride- keep it in your head or write it on a private chat or FB status. Those of us who feel like we failed at some point need help, not more mocking thrown their way.&lt;/p&gt;<br>

&lt;p&gt;To be clear- I am in no way advocating someone to stuff their faces right after surgery - or any point ever after surgery (I am one of the very few who suffers/ed from dumping syndrome after the sleeve) or eat stuff they shouldn't. I am just askign that people on this board be gentle and kind to people who have made a mistake. If you want to be supportive- help them get back on the right track in a kind way.&lt;/p&gt;</p></div></div>

<br>

I know this feeling. It's so hard to live with someone who can eat anything and everything and does. I have tried to get my husband to hide his "treats" but he doesn't. Sometimes I fail to control myself. I'm not perfect, as no one else is. <br><br>

In my experience I have found that different clinics have different rules. I am not to have Protein Shakes, caffeine, or alcohol ever again. I found that I needed Protein shakes early on and used them anyway. I saw others use Click (has caffeine) and wondered how? I have even seen some who are allowed to have soda but I was told no more carbonated drinks. Even some who drink coffee, another thing that is off-limits for me. To me, that is technically "cheating" but that is just for me. Not saying I haven't had any of these things in the past just that it's considered cheating by my nutritionist. I was also told that eating processed foods would be better than eating out at a restaurant. I don't agree with that (most processed foods are high in sodium) and make healthy choices if I do go out. I do need to limit my carbs. I have found that there are foods low in sugar but high in carbs. Oh, my sugar and fat shouldn't be over 10 grams per serving either. I can tolerate around 13 grams of each before dumping. Yes. About 18 months out and I still dump. I was one of the "lucky" ones to get dumping syndrome after having the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. I was told on various other forums that it was impossible to dump after the sleeve. I was warned prior though by my surgical team. Basically their VSG patients are to follow the same plan as RNY patients and are told they can pretty much have the same issues. <br><br>

Anyway, thought I would chime in. I am not trying to down anyone for their choices or mistakes. Basically I think some people, like me, ask some things because of the different rules. I do drink an occasional iced coffee, alcoholic beverage, soda, and have even eaten pizza, before. *gasp* Before surgery I could eat a whole large pizza...now only two small slices at the most. <br><br>

Whatever works for you, is what I say (in moderation and if you're not gaining, that is).<br><br>

-- Tina. :-)

Edited August 12, 2014 by a_new_me_43

[auntjanny 289]

I have enjoyed this thread....lots of mini topics going on. A lot of diversity in experience and sensitivity. By far, this over all site exemplifies compassion, kindness, encouragement and education.

There will always be trolls in these types of spaces. I don't see many but, am learning to ignore and move on. This is a holistic adventure for me.... Wanting to change to be a much better person, not necessarily Mother Theresa, mind you, but to do my part to make the world a kinder place. The weight loss surgery will give me the chance to focus on improving the whole me, and give me lots of confidence to carry out some other habits that will be life changing...for the better, and not just me. sleep well!!

[MeAndTinyTina 241]

Hi - I got tons are classes, one-on-one appointments with a NUT, with the surgical team, dietician, support groups, etc., before the surgery and it continues now post op. I also purchased (thru Amazon for my Kindle) the Big book of Gastric sleeve" - which is written by Bariatric Pal and there are links to it on this site (not sure about the phone app). It was a bit repetitive for me, since I received a binder's worth of handouts from my surgical team, but tkauhi, it would be great for you. Has all the stages of diet, starting from liquids, to purees, to soft, to harder foods, a chapter on what Vitamins you need, exercise, etc. Even has sample menus. I might help you tkauhi and others who didn't get enough info from their medical team.

Ellen

[auntiemel 275]

The first surgeon I went to was very basic nutrition info and a lot of foods suggested were high in carbs which I never realized until I went to the surgeon I'm at now. I was told by previous doc to drink 2-3 Protein shakes a day and lean cuisines/weight watchers meals for preop. The frozen dinners were high carb as well! This doc I'm with now is going to have me do 3 weeks preop diet and 40 carbs or below a day. No shakes if I don't want them, just carb free food, chicken, veggies, egg beaters etc...

I only ever would have had one or two followups.

PSSC in edmonds, wa has a 2 year followup program with nutritionists, fitness trainers, psychologists, and the doc. They really want you to succeed. They have many years of experience and from what I have researched are one of the only places that have followup care like that.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Hi Melanie I love PSSC and have had great success with their program. Good luck!