Do you lie?

[dacarter 1]

So here is my big dilemma. I am super embarrassed that I have not been able to lose the weight on my own. I truly feel like the biggest failure. I've decided to do bypass and confident in my decision, however I'm not sure what I'll say to those who ask about the weight loss? I've been very private and don't want anyone to know I'm doing the surgery for fear of condescending opinions I guess. I don't know. Anyone else dealing with this?

[Mommabird 367]

I'm planning on being up front with my immediate family and my sister. That being said, I'm not planning to tell them until my insurance approves things, hopefully in late Nov. For the same reasons you stated, I am NOT telling my husband's family (or anyone else). If they ask about my weight loss, I'll tell them the same as I'm saying now. That I'm working with my doctors (true) and that they have me on a special weight loss plan to resolve some health issues. (true for now and for post-op) However, If I am asked directly if I have had weight loss surgery, I won't lie. Most people I know will discuss whether or not I had surgery behind my back, but never ask me to my face.

[spharticus 4]

That's a tough one. People will end up finding out and personally I don't like to lie. If someone doesn't know and they say something, I just say I'm trying something different, and making better choices. It always depends on the other person but so far people have been very supportive. I can't control what others think, that's part of what got me addicted to food to begin with. HTH.

[MaggieAL 8]

I believe that you have the right to keep it to yourself besides it's none of their business. I just had my RNY on 7/16 and I feel great. I feel better than I have felt in a long time. So do it for you and don't worry about what others may say, You are going to love the way you feel and you deserve that chance.

Good luck.

[angelicHG7 118]

At this point, I don't have any intentions of telling people I I am having/had surgery. If I had a labiaplasty I wouldn't tell people so why does this have to be any different?

I told my husband but so far, that's all.

[frankt04 80]

So here is my big dilemma. I am super embarrassed that I have not been able to lose the weight on my own. I truly feel like the biggest failure. I've decided to do bypass and confident in my decision, however I'm not sure what I'll say to those who ask about the weight loss? I've been very private and don't want anyone to know I'm doing the surgery for fear of condescending opinions I guess. I don't know. Anyone else dealing with this?

This one lady said to me "Oh you took the easy way out huh"

I said "ya just like your brother did with his liver transplant"

My best friend is and always has been 185lbs at 6'2" i was 440lbs at 6'2" & when we where 15yrs old (22yrs ago lol) i can remember him eatting 12 SLICES OF pizza & almost a 2litter of soda in about a 2hr period... i had 2 slices and WATER!!! Yet i was 300lbs at that time... obesity is a disease that you were predisposed to. The people who might criticise and ridicule you are uneducated and we do our brothers and sisters who are thinking of having the surgery a disservice by not educating those that may judge.

When lifelong skinny people hear my story 99% are swayed from their bias beliefs that we are just lazy and they just might encourage someone they know to the miracles of modern science ...

Say it loud and proud!

Edited August 1, 2014 by frankt04

[Lynnette K 2]

I've been thinking a lot about that lately too. So far, my husband kids and parents know. I've been approved, but my first appointment isn't until October, so I haven't told many others. My current thought is that if it was a heart bypass instead of a gastric bypass, there'd be no question. It's a surgery that my doctor recommended for my health, more than anything, weight loss is a welcome side effect.

There's always going to be judgmental people. When my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 14, so many people told me "it must've been the sugar." No...he was 100 lbs and his pancreas quit making insulin. He's 21 and I still have to educate people that think he should have grown out of his juvenile diabetes.

So, if people ask, I will tell them, heck, I may even tell them if they don't ask. If anyone actually has the nerve to tell me I took the easy way out, I will come up with some great comeback lines (I have time to collect them )

[terry1118 1,274]

I don't share personal medical information w/people I'm not close to, just as I don't share any personal, private information. It's my business, not theirs. People feel they have a right to know everything about you but they don't. Share if you're comfortable with it. But make it your choice to do so, not to satisfy some busybody's prying.

If anyone asks me how I'm losing weight I say I'm doing it under my doctor's supervision, eating right, eating less, and exercising - all true. If someone is in the same boat I was (obese and at wit's end) I do tell them about the surgery. My whole experience has been positive so I would recommend it to anyone who would benefit from it.

[Roostertail2 98]

I guess I am a big mouth cause I told/tell everybody! lol. I could care less what other people think - if they think I am taking the "easy" way out or if they think I am crazy for doing surgery for any reason..Its none of their business. Besides - I dont hang out with people who dont support me anyway. I am blessed to have great coworkers, family and friends. With that being said, people have shown concern over surgery just because as with any surgery it carries risks - I have already had 4 abdominal surgeries so my risk is higher just by statistics..My mother also died during an operation so that is brought up sometimes. Other than that I answer questions when I am asked about the process - I find most people are curious about recovery time and diet info more than anything else...

[winning_by_losing 107]

If someone asks I tell them all about it.

Some of the stories others tell in our support group makes keeping it secret sound so much harder.

One thing that our program stressed through all of the pre-surgery classes and in all of our checkups is that this surgery is just giving us a tool. It still requires hard work and dedication to make the lifestyle changes that accompany it and allow us to be successful in the end. The couple of people who've scoffed when hearing I had the surgery quickly change their mind when they give me 10 minutes to talk about what we truly deal with after the operation to keep things successful.

My vote would be that if you're confident you've made the right decision for you - don't hide it. But no matter what, be proud that you made the decision to change your life, regardless of who you share that information with.

[justmel2003 10]

Dacarter, DO NOT FEEL like a failure for not losing on your own! My own research (and that from my doc) has shown me that more than 95% of people fail in their efforts if they have more than 50lb to lose! My boyfriend of 4 years has a degree in exercise physiology, and has been very active (and annoying) in his attempts to help me with nutrition and exercise. He admitted to me that he felt like a failure when I decided I was having the surgery, that he couldn't teach me anything. That statement made both of us feel like crap! So, with the resources I had at my disposal I didn't manage to lose a pound while with this guy, how could the average heavy woman succeed?

You're taking control of your health, and have nothing to apologize for, and don't need to explain to anyone your decision. If someone asks tell them the truth - that you've had surgery and are will be getting healthier every day and feeling awesome doing it! The statement 'easy way out' is a joke - it's major surgery, a major expense, and an incredible commitment!

I had surgery on 7/21 and am feeling awesome. A little tired here and there, but I've needed no pain meds since leaving the hospital.

If you're doing this - feel proud of your decision and look forward to being a new awesome you!

Edited August 1, 2014 by justmel2003

[dacarter 1]

Thanks everyone! I think I'll keep the details private depending on who the audience is. It's been hard getting my mom on board until she actually went to an appt. I know she's worried about the surgery part. My husband is incredibly supportive so that helps. People just don't understand. I spent the last year eating 1200 cals a day and working out to only achieve a 20lb loss. It's ridiculous to do all that hard work and realize you aren't even close to the 120lbs you really need to get rid of. The day I'm able to play with my kids and not be in pain is what I'm looking forward too. You all are awesome!

[frankt04 80]

My surgeon told me that there's nothing we can do, the portion of intestine after our stomach is where we regulate fat storage & that's why he recommend RNY for me. I was eating 900cal a day and still wasn't loosing weight.

[ready2B 263]

Hi! What you decide to tell anyone is your personal choice. But here's the thing - I am more concerned about what you tell yourself! Particularly these words "super embarrassed", "biggest failure", "fear of condescending opinions". What we think about ourselves and what we say to ourselves has a MUCH bigger impact on us than what everyone else on this planet out together thinks. I am working on this too!

As others have said - not being able to lose 100+ lbs and keep it off with dieting alone does NOT make us failures. It makes us NORMAL! It's an almost impossible task for anyone. Would you be embarrassed if you had some other medical condition beyond your control, such as cancer - and couldn't just heal it yourself? We just have to deal with it by choosing the best medical treatment for the health condition we have. For me, I am learning to view and treat my weight loss surgery with the same respect I would any other medical treatment. There's certainly no shame in doing something that is necessary to save my life!

As far as the condescending opinions of others - there will always be ignorant and judgmental people about ANYTHING! If you had cancer, there would be some idiot who would be convinced it was your own fault because you drank diet cokes or used a certain household cleaner. And of course, some people are already condescending about our weight (whatever it is) - why not let it be about our getting healthier instead? You really can't control what other people think. So - try not to let that get in your head. We have a hard enough time keeping our own negative thoughts out!

[Peggy Jean 41]

You know, about 8 years ago I had to have a total laryngectomy because of vocal cord cancer. I now have a hole in my neck that I use to breath with. At first, I was mortified if I had to go out in public, but as time passed I came to the conclusion that if someone is going to judge me over a hole in my throat, I don't need them anyway. It doesn't bother me to have a child ask me what happened ... I just tell them in simple terms what happened. As I got older, it was the same with my weight. It's bad enough worrying about if you can fit in a chair, or are they gonna charge me for 2 seats, or can I fit on the amusement ride or all the other things we deal with everyday. Life is too short to waste to such dimwitted and closed minded people. I don't like to lie either. Besides, I would give someone a piece of my mind if they think this is an easy way out. It just shows their ignorance.

But in the end we each have to do what feels right for us. Just decide what you will be most comfortable with. It's not like you can hide the weight loss, and both on-your-own and BWL are both difficult. They both come down to making a commitment and staying strong. Do whatever gives you peace of mind...

Peggy