Friend=approved: me= denied

[KSTUZ 438]

My coworker and I started this journey together. She was approved and her surgery is Aug 11th.

I was denied and I'm appealing and fighting my ass off to get approved.

Recently I noticed she isn't telling me anything about her surgery what the following steps are or anything about the whole process, which I found to be odd.

We even talked about having it done the same day and would be a great support system to eachother at work.

Now I know that maybe she was just feeling bad that I was denied...wen tho I am truly happy for her...I'm jealous. Deep down.

BUT did my best to smile and encourage her and asked her questions and was getting short answers.

I mentioned to another coworker that she started to seem distant and a little short with me. And I found out she feels uncomfortable around me. ME! I was a little taken back. I've known this woman for 15 years...I'm kind of hurt she just shut me out. It makes me feel worse. I keep saying "I'm right behind you!! Don't u worry! I'm fighting I will get it approved!" And to find out I make her uncomfortable makes me feel awful. I'm excited for her, I want her to tell me what's going on and how she is feeling and doing like we have been the last 6 months!

I guess id feel bad too if it were the other way around, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job at staying positive...I was very down and out the first 2 weeks after I found out Aetna denied me..obvi!! But I was honest with her and she knew how I felt. I didn't want her to feel bad.

This woman is not always easily approachable. As long as I've known her she can be a tough cookie...so just coming forward and talking to her about it may not be that simple- especially since my other coworker promised me not to tell her that I know. I know it's ridiculous but I work 40 hours a week with these women as I'm not trying to stir the pot...even tho to break thru this, I know we should just talk about it.

Just needed to get that out!

Ahhhhh

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

This is something you'll have to get used to after surgery, too -- communicating how you feel. My kids (15,20) are always apologizing for eating in front of me when I can only have a little. We went to the Melting Pot (a fondue place) that's my son's traditional birthday place where they bring out tons and tons of food in a 4 course meal and as soon as I turned down the appetizers, he said "Oh, I'm sorry -- I feel selfish because this wasn't a good choice for you..." I keep telling them I don't feel bad watching them enjoy food because I really enjoyed my filet mignon (sp?) and it doesn't bother me at all that I can't eat all they can.

I think you should approach your coworker and just tell her "I really am happy you were approved. I feel a little jealous that I wasn't but I'm working on that. I'd really love to share your experiences and know what's going on with you. I don't feel at all uncomfortable around you and I don't want you to feel that way around me." You don't have to mention the other coworker, you can just say it's obvious she's pulling back and you think that she might be feeling awkward around you.

You've said it might be a difficult conversation but isn't it easier than doing this dance around the topic and pretending nothing's going on? Use this as practice for how you will respond when people say things about surgery or how you're losing too much weight, etc. If you really want to be friends with this person and share in experiences, it's worth the uncomfortable feelings to talk to her.

Ginger

[KSTUZ 438]

Hi ginger- thank you.

I will be taking ur advice and talking with her today.

I've never been to the melting pot but always wanted to go, we have one 10 min from my house.

It just came as a shock to me, I've been pretty open about it since the beginning. I thought about it all night and barely slept.

So after everyone leaves work today I'll have a quick chat with her.

Thank u for your wise words, I appreciate it

[brians34 31]

@@KSTUZ do you mind me asking what the reason was that Aetna turned you down?

As for your coworker, just tell her that you can feel she seems to be pulling away from you. Tell her that you really value your friendship with her and don't want her to feel uncomfortable because she was accepted and you weren't. Kind of make light of the fact that she got accepted and you didn't. Tell her you are going to appeal and will be even more determined to get insurance acceptance when you notice her getting skinny. Tell her that you are going to watch her blaze forward and when you finally get approved and have your turn, she will be able to provide you with helpful advise.

[KSTUZ 438]

<p>@@KSTUZ do you mind me asking what the reason was that Aetna turned you down?</p> <p> </p> <p>As for your coworker, just tell her that you can feel she seems to be pulling away from you. Tell her that you really value your friendship with her and don't want her to feel uncomfortable because she was accepted and you weren't. Kind of make light of the fact that she got accepted and you didn't. Tell her you are going to appeal and will be even more determined to get insurance acceptance when you notice her getting skinny. Tell her that you are going to watch her blaze forward and when you finally get approved and have your turn, she will be able to provide you with helpful advise.</p>

Hey Brian- I was denied because of a 'net gain during the 3 month nut visits'

Reason I had an unfortunate gain...

Not to make excuses...

I messed up, it's my fault and I take ownership of it completely...

but here is why..

My 37 yr old husband had a heart attack feb 6th 2014 and a triple heart bypass feb 14th. Hardest damn thing I've ever been thru. I'm only 33, we've just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary in July.

He had a blockage of his left main artery (the widow maker) and he is lucky to be alive. The right coronary artery was the the one that gave him chest pain and the heart attack. They said if we didn't get him to the ER when we did than I would have and home to him dead. It was a big wake up call. We both quit smoking that same day and haven't looked back.

He is bipolar, ADHD, has extreme anxiety and depression an diabetic. He could not give himself injections- I was giving him 5 needles a day. It was horrible.

So between going through all that and not smoking, I put on 5 pounds over where I started at in my journey.

I did turn right back around and lost it, but it's all they needed to deny my. I just sent my appeal letter yesterday.

I'm praying they accept my appeal.

Have u had surgery yet? And thank u for the advice- greatly appreciated.

[brians34 31]

Have u had surgery yet? And thank u for the advice- greatly appreciated.

Sorry to hear about you husband and what you've been through.

I haven't had the surgery yet. I still have 2 more doctor visits for weight loss to go through, then it will be the waiting game for approval.

Hope your appeal goes through. Best of luck

[KSTUZ 438]

Have u had surgery yet? And thank u for the advice- greatly appreciated.

Sorry to hear about you husband and what you've been through.

I haven't had the surgery yet. I still have 2 more doctor visits for weight loss to go through, then it will be the waiting game for approval.

Hope your appeal goes through. Best of luck

Thank you!! Same too you!!

[tnl1031 52]

So, did you smooth things over with your co-worker? I can understand that she would feel bad that you started this journey together and now you have hit a speed bump and she's speeding along, but if you have been friendly for that long, I would think she could get past it. You should be the one that's upset, not her. I guess she just doesn't want to rub salt in the wound, but if you have told her you're ok, then she should be ok.

[happymama2014 206]

One of my best friends and I started this together .. We met as coworkers years ago. Well I'm ready for my ms urgently date and her insurance doesn't cover the surgery. So now I feel guilty sometimes when I just want to share small victories with her. I know it's killing her inside that she isn't getting the same victories. It's hard. I would be messaging her and sharing 100% more if I didn't feel guilty.

[KSTUZ 438]

<p>So, did you smooth things over with your co-worker? I can understand that she would feel bad that you started this journey together and now you have hit a speed bump and she's speeding along, but if you have been friendly for that long, I would think she could get past it. You should be the one that's upset, not her. I guess she just doesn't want to rub salt in the wound, but if you have told her you're ok, then she should be ok.</p>

I did!! I told her that I am happy for her and I will be right behind her so she need not to worry.

she seems better after I talked to her!

Thanks to everyone for advice.

[BlondeBanshee 91]

Tell them you have severe sleep apnea that seems to get people approved. I went to Mexico so I did not have the insurance hassle.

[dagrlnxtdoor 3]

I feel you.. My husband and I were going to go thru this process together. He got approved and I didn't. He is going to start the whole liquid diet tomorrow and ask for me to help him out?? Really, does he not see I am devastated!! I feel like I'm being selfish but give me a break!! I am hurting, I was really hoping for the Sx to be together and be each other's support.

[brians34 31]

I feel you.. My husband and I were going to go thru this process together. He got approved and I didn't. He is going to start the whole liquid diet tomorrow and ask for me to help him out?? Really, does he not see I am devastated!! I feel like I'm being selfish but give me a break!! I am hurting, I was really hoping for the Sx to be together and be each other's support.

So what was the reason given for them to deny you?

[dagrlnxtdoor 3]

Weight gain.. My husband gained 4pds I gained 17.. Still don't get it.. We both did it together he ate more than I did.. I can't blame no one but me.I've been going thru stress & have been taking Phentermine for the past 3yrs and once I got off it it all went down from there.

[brians34 31]

So have they said what you'd need to do to get accepted?

I can understand the frustration. My wife and I are both doing this together also and I just finished my last weight check and her's is going to be this Friday. I lost a little each visit, so don't think there will be a problem with me, I'm hoping my wife's weight is down also.

I don't know how things would go if she were to not get accepted.

All I can say is contact insurance and file an appeal and see what you need to do now to get accepted. Be supportive of your husband and I'm sure he will be supportive of you.

Work together, use him as a guinea pig to see how things go and know what you're up for.

Hopefully insurance will work with you to get you accepted too.