Pre-op, nervous newbie, possible relationship losses

[DanaKat 39]

Hi everyone, I have enjoyed this forum and all the information and stories from others. I am scheduled for surgery on 8/12/14 and going for my pre-op appointment tomorrow. I was told my liquid diet would be about 10 days so for the past 10 days it seems I have been enjoying foods I know will be a thing of the past when this is all said and done.

I just to know from fellow banders if anyone has lost friends or relationships because of your surgery and the necessary changes. I have a friend who I just hang out and drink with once a week and since last night was my last beer night with her, I received some hurtful comments. I have been open with her and she knows my timeline of events. Instead of support I was repeatedly asked when can I have beer again (um never) and can I meet up in two weeks and what is she supposed to do once I've done this surgery. I told her I thought it would be a minimum of 6 weeks before I could even have any alcohol and honestly I don't know if I even want it then. So after she left I felt horrible and re-thinking everything like I'm abandoning my friendship with her when I know it's about me and a healthier life. I feel like I'm so up and down emotionally since I made this decision and I would hate to think I would lose people in my life because of it.

[Bandista 7,466]

You are choosing yourself and your healthy future and that is a wonderful thing. It's time to put yourself first and if that means you no longer have a relationship with a friend who is already demonstrating selfishness and a lack of support for you, well then so be it. You will have so many new friends as you get healthy.

[PuraVida37 715]

I'm not going to sugar coat it. Some people in our lives are not going to be supportive at all. She may feel a sense of loss and possibly jealousy at seeing you go in a different direction than she's accustomed to. You're taking away her eating buddy!

All you need to do is be open and honest with her and keep communicating. This surgery shouldn't mean the end of your friendship, but it will mean the end of some bad habits. Eventually, when you feel safe enough, you can go back to that routine, but the food choices you make will have to be different. Instead of beer, choose Water. Instead of chips, choose to chew gum until the meal comes. Or ask her to meet you at a different venue. If she's not willing to compromise, then she is choosing to put your friendship in jeopardy.

My last piece of advice is something you probably already know. You have made the decision to be banded because you have finally come to the point where you have made YOU a priority in life. That will mean some bumps in the road, but remember YOU matter, and YOU matter first in this whole thing. That may sound selfish, but it's true.

Good luck in your banding journey!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Who is your "friend" more concerned with, her or you ??? She can't change or accept your different eating/drinking habits one night a week ?? Yeesh ! Somebody is being very self centered, I just won't say who ! Good for you for being proactive about your health ! I always say, you may have more than one house, car, pet, job, spouse , kids or friends in your lifetime, but a body ? A life ? Honey, you only get one of those , so treat them nicely ! Good luck to you !

[DanaKat 39]

Thanks for the kind words. My friend has one friend only, me. She comes over to drink beer and get away from her jerk of a husband. When I quit smoking 2 years ago she gave me hell about it but then wound up quitting herself because I told her how much she smelled and I didn't want to smell it. This is just another choice I'm making that pisses her off I guess. My husband on the other hand is supportive and there for me. He was shocked when she commented last night about what she was supposed to do now. He told her to go make some friends if she can't support the one she has. He's not a big fan of hers.

Edited July 30, 2014 by DanaKat

[Weeviegurl 81]

I would say that it may not be healthy that your friend feels as though your friendship only surrounds drinking. You can still have fun with our drinking, I have most of my life. There may be some that do not support your life changing decision... but it's your life and your decision. I luckily have been supported by everyone I've told. Good luck DanaKat!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Wow. You and your husband said it all. Good for your hubby who is supportive ! ( I have one too ! He's a keeper !) Just because your friend has jerk of a husband does' nt make it your problem ! She needs to deal with that herself instead of using you and your WLS as an excuse for her life problems. Also, instead of eating and drinking as your entertainment, maybe take up a healthier hobby that you both enjoy ? Walking, spin class, swimming, etc. Maybe something quieter like a book club, a healthy cooking class, or yoga ? The more she gets out and has contact with others , the less dependant she'll be on you. ( also it might cut back on the Drama Queen whining !!! Just sayin'. Good luck to you !!!!

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Just my opinion but if she is a Real friend , then she probably feels a bit hurt and doesn't know what to expect and is scared , have a talk with her with a glass of wine before surgery and involve her , However like I was going to say if she's a real friend then she will stick around, some people do lose friends that were not Real friends ,I have not but some people, but in my opinion you should do what is best for your health ,body and mind, we always have & will think of other people before our selves , but once you do what you think is good for YOU ,then other things will fall where they should, good luck.