VENT: A 5 year old made me want to cry.

[PuraVida37 715]

Just didn't have any other place to share this, and I knew of all the places in the world, you all would know what to comment.

Today hubby took me and our daughter to the beach. She was playing in the sand with some other kids, and hubby (size medium) and I were chatting, side by side on the beach towel. My daughter yells, "MOM!!! This boy just called you fat!!" I was so shocked that I didn't even know what to say. (I haven't been called fat in a long time because I've been doing so well with my band!) I was immediately taken back to my middle school self and felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I just said (because I was so flabbergasted) "Why would he even be talking about me at all?" and turned away. I didn't want to make a big deal about it because I was so caught off guard. I just felt so bad for my daughter because she had a fat mother.

Now, a few hours after it happened, I have a million other, better replies (especially "No name calling!" or "Yeah? and so what if I am?"), and I know I shouldn't be derailed by a kids comment, because he doesn't know any better. But it hurt. It made me cry. I'm 40, and a 5 year old made me cry. I should be above this and not let it get to me, but it did.

Not seeking advice, just wanted to share and let it go.

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

*hug*

[lovingdavid 119]

Well kids learn what is "fat" because adults explain it to them and we know many individuals make jokes about fat people. As a mother my son mind you he will be 7 in October he does not know what fat means it's just something I never have share with him because of course I don't want him to be mean in calling someone fat.. Well it's good you shared this and I will share what happened to me today. I went out to a buffet with my family ( I live in Las Vegas) so I am almost 2 wks of having surgery so I still cannot eat. So my fam. Members all ate food and my niece ask "would you like a Piece of bread"? And I said I cannot eat that. So my niece says " you must be starving" lol and I didn't answer back but my sister told her she needed to apologize because that was rude. Well lucky she knew she was rude..

[briefs199 337]

I totally empathize with you. Last December my nephew said to me "wow, you are bigger than my dad!" I was so horrified. And it was in front of my bro and sister in law. All skinny things.

I didn't know what to say but "hmmm. Really?"

He was 5 as well.

I could have died.

[PuraVida37 715]

I am also mad and confused at myself because I don't want my daughter thinking that it's bad to be fat. But then I also don't want her to think that it's healthy either. I just hope she doesn't end up with an eating disorder because of my weight issues!!!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Sorry you have to be going through this, sending you hugs !! The only thing I can think of is 1. You handled it extremely well, especially since you were caught off guard ! 2. Unfortunately , kids have no filter, and he may have been taught or heard that being " fat" is not "okay " or different , or out of place, just as kids may point out a very tall person, a bald head, a girl with bright purple hair, etc........ anything that stands out, kids will notice and comment on it ( no filter yet ). His comment did hit a nerve with you because of your past, which hurt your feelings. You should give yourself a big hug for handling it so well, setting an example for your daughter, and working so hard that you have lost 80 some pounds ! WOW ! Congratulations ! Keep up the good work ! Hugs !

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Loving david, Im a little confused ? Your niece offered you bread, you turned it down, she commented you must be starving ( seeing you not eating ) . Did I miss something ? Not trying to be rude, im just confused as to what was rude ? Thanx !

[lovingdavid 119]

@@Pink oh it's because I am still in liquid diet and they just have been seeing me drink my shakes and have my chicken broth so that's why she said you must be starving... Sorry if I got you confused!! Lol

[#MagicWithinme 173]

I can relate, for so long you have not had to have your guard up about things like that, we shouldn't have to but we do, and it caught you off guard.. let it go. .give it to karma if you so feel it

[Dragon Lady 59]

As a teacher, I think you should have a heart to heart with your daughter about how you feel, but most importantly, how she feels. Let her be honest. Also, remind her that the boy is only 5, and lacks the developmental "tact""that she has at 7. 5 year olds hear a lot not only from family, but classmates, TV, etc., and they just let it all hang out!

Don't feel bad for feeling bad at the moment, it's a sensitive topic.

I now teach high school, and a 15 year old who loves to hug me said, "no disrespect, but I would hate if you lost weight because you are so...fluffy! It makes you huggable!"

Fluffy, he says. The 5 years olds used to just say I was fat. I kind of like fluffy.

[Junebug36 154]

I had to have a talk with my own daughter at 4 years old...she seemed to want to point out anyone different in stores..and was kinda loud about it, as kids are. It could be about hair, acne, big legs...there was no filter or thoughts of good or bad..just, "wow, mama! look at that!" I had to tell her: "Everyone is different, but people might not like those differences pointed out. It might hurt their feelings..and we don't want to hurt anyone's feeling, right?" It seemed to work, and she now tells me what she saw that was interesting or different when we are on our own...avoiding any awkward moments in public. Point is, she had no idea what she was saying was potentially hurtful at the time. It was just observations of the world around her, and she was proud to notice. Boys at 5 are the same way. They just don't understand, if they haven't been taught to have manners...and even then, will have trouble filtering things. I doubt he got the word "fat" from his parents..have you seen kids shows lately?! Not to mention other kids he plays with probably use that word, and he will do the same to fit in with them. Try not to take it to heart. I know its hard, as I went through the bullying as a kid myself....I was called fat just because I developed early in junior high. When I look back now, I was completely normal...but, not the norm for the kids I went to school with. Just keep it in perspective....only you know how far you have come, and remember how good that feels. You are a beautiful person...remember that. :-)

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I totally agree with junebug and all the others, it a kid observing everything with a ongoing running vocal commentary, because some kids are very talkitive about what they see in their world. ( Ive raised 4 kids), If the kid had commented "I like your green dress" or "you have cool sandals on !!!" , you would have thought it kinda funny and cute.. But because it was a sensitive topic, it hurt your feelings. Sorry you felt so bad, hopefully with time his parents will teach him how to ask ? or comment more privately. One of my kids was like this, I had to teach it was okay to me ? out of hearing of others, but not in front of others. Otherwise it was " how come that man does' nt have a leg ? Why does that lady use a wheelchair ? etc. It comes with time and practice.. Hope your day goes well !!! Hugs !!!

[Christina.Rose 287]

My 7 year old step daughter was hugging me and said "Hold on, wait a second....I want to see if I can reach my arms around you.....nope! I just can't reach" .........Kill me please! Ugh. Especially since her mom lost about 100 lbs in the last 2 years. I already feel some twisted competition being mom #2 but being the fat mom who can't properly be hugged as well. Sigh. I feel for you. You handled yourself just fine though. I hope you can just focus on the great progress you have already made and let that motivate you forward.