when to tell my boyfriend? (he hates the idea of surgery)

[Ready_in_queens 0]

Hello, I have been lurking on this site for a while and have finally decided to create an account! Last year around march/April I decided that I wanted weight loss surgery. I went through all the doctors appointments and paperwork and scheduled my vsg surgery for august 22, 2013. Problem was that I let my boyfriend talk me out of it. Then earlier this year u found myself frustrated with my weight again and went back to the surgeon and was scheduled for surgery on July 1, 2014 and once again I let my boyfriend talk me out of it. Now I am going back to my surgeon for the 3rd time and I am determined to get my surgery and change my life! Only problem is how do I tell my boyfriend? He is the only person in my life who is not supportive of my decision. I refuse to let him talk me out ofy decision again and honestly I resent him a little but because of it.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Please understand that when I comment on relationship questions, I come from the place of having thrown two jerks to the curb.

It's been shown by other posts on this site that this surgery inevitably will have some kind of impact on personal and business relationships. That can be good if the people you care about are supportive and rejoice in your improved health and longevity. It can be rough if those around you are unsupportive and challenge your decision to have bariatric surgery.

As a woman fully grown, you should be able to stand your ground and not let anyone run interference on your decisions regarding any aspect of your healthcare. My mean o;' rotten second ex-husband did everything he could to prevent me from going to the doctor for medical care. If I made any attempt to lose weight, he would respond with pies and cakes and Crispy Cream donuts. He even told me once as we sat down to dinner that I ruin every meal with vegetables.

Don't let it happen to you. It's YOUR body, so he needs to either get on board with the surgery or get out of your way. Arrange for someone else to take you to the hospital and be your voice while you are there. Once you have the surgery, what can he do? You can't undo a sleeve or bypass.

If he is a jerk and feels threatened that your sexy self will leave him in the dust, then all the more reason to handcuff him to the kitchen sink pipes while you go take care of business. If his reluctance is out of fear of losing you to drastic complications, then you need to educate him on the subject and let him know that a healthier happier you will live longer and feel better. He will have you around much longer to enjoy your companionship.

Don't let him or anyone else diminish your decision to be in control of yourself. You need to be the Roadrunner, going where you need to go and doing what you need to do, no matter how many obstacles Wiley Coyote puts in your way.

Now march in there Young Lady (with a poncho on) and let the proverbial s**t hit the proverbial fan. Be strong. Stand tall. And take charge of your health and your future. If he doesn't like it, oh well. Walk out that door and go get healthy! We will be rooting for you to be confident and powerful!

[TwinkieFlash 1]

Does he say why? Is it that he is worried something could happen to you? If it ends up being a make or break issue, maybe it would be worth having a couple of sessions with a counsellor together to see if it is because he genuinely cares for you or whether it could be a control issue.

[Cupcake 801]

I agree with the above statements it sounds like he is insecure, your health is important for your overall quality of life I would continue on my journey to get healthy with or without him . Good luck .

Edited July 26, 2014 by Cupcake

[WhoKnows 288]

There are, unfortunately, reasons why the divorce rate post WLS is so high, and this is something to be aware of. But you need to do what's right for you, not him. This might mean the end of a relationship, and that sucks. But do you really want to be with someone who is intentionally keeping you unhealthy? This might be about low self esteem on his part, or about wanting to control you, or just general fear of losing you during or after surgery. If it's the first two, then I'd say you're better off without him. If it's the latter, then get the surgery, and prove him wrong!

[WhoKnows 288]

Oh, and in response to your actual question about when to tell him: I'd say after. He clearly can't be talked into it, and you know you need the surgery, but he's been capable of talking you out of it twice. Don't like that happen again. Get it done, and figure the rest out later. Either he'll be forced to come around or he won't, but you'll be primed to be the best and healthiest you you can be, with or without him.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Tough situation.

Go get a piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle of the page.

At the top of the left column, write: "I had VSG surgery in 2014."

At the top of the right column, write: "I did not have VSG surgery in 2014."

Now under each heading, answer this question:

"It's now July 2015. How has my life changed in the last year - different / better / worse?"

(It may take you a while to answer fully.)

Edited July 26, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[slvrsax 301]

If the boyfriend isn't on board, dump the boyfriend and claim your life/health. It will pay off in spades.

[Ready_in_queens 0]

Thank you all for the responses. You all make very good points. I will definitely not let him influence my decision this time around. I am going to tell him and if he can't get with it I am prepared to end the relationship because I don't want or need that type of negativity going into major surgery/life change.

[WhoKnows 288]

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out?