Does anyone regret it?

[njkelly 20]

Thanks Cowgirl Jane for your support and words of wisdom. I have my surgeon(s), a gastroenterologist and the NUT all on top of my case checking in all the time. I have them all baffled. I just pray for an end in sight. I want no regrets, but I can't say that right now. But with my friends here, I know anything is possible. Thanks for being one of them!

[HaddocksEyes 205]

i have had pretty much no regrets either. going to my uncle's pizza place last night, and not being able to order his famous stromboli was HARD, but i know that maybe eventually down the road it will be possible. i got baked cod instead, and this morning weighed in 1 lb down. this journey is hard, but you decide. having bariatric is HARD. being fat and unhealthy is HARD. pick your hard...

This is awesome - "pick your hard". Yup, I totally agree.

[HaddocksEyes 205]

My situation is a little bit different. I am almost three months out (sleeved 5/6/14) and have been nauseous ever since. Barely eat any food and have trouble getting in my liquid requirement, everything makes me sick. I regret my decision 1 million percent due to circumstances. I am losing weight rapidly, but being sick all the time, really can't enjoy my new found weight loss. This has resulted in depression and major body fatigue as well. So, like I said, I am not typical by any means, but given the choice, knowing what I know now, I would never EVER do it again.

My doctor said that there is a small percentage of people that will suffer post-GS nausea past a month. He said that the longest he has seen anyone go is four months and he has operated on thousands of patients. I have a feeling this is going to resolve itself in short order.

When he said that I thought "just like morning sickness". I was sick for four months straight with my first child all day every day. Yeah, no fun!

Edited July 28, 2014 by HaddocksEyes

[blondebomb 580]

My situation is a little bit different. I am almost three months out (sleeved 5/6/14) and have been nauseous ever since. Barely eat any food and have trouble getting in my liquid requirement, everything makes me sick. I regret my decision 1 million percent due to circumstances. I am losing weight rapidly, but being sick all the time, really can't enjoy my new found weight loss. This has resulted in depression and major body fatigue as well. So, like I said, I am not typical by any means, but given the choice, knowing what I know now, I would never EVER do it again.

What does or has ur surgeon done about the sick feeling? But if u havnt told him these issues he can't help..I no u no that...I may have missed some thread here. ..we all knew all the possible risk an side effects. We all go thru psychological evaluation to make sure we don't have eating disorders or get to bottom of emotional eating first...but u were obviously excited to do this in the beginning. ..I do no that there was a risk of depression afterwards with bodily changes bc we feel we are becoming vulnerable an out there for all to see..we might start feeling unsafe...I sure hope u reach out to the professional an talk an maybe get some meds to calm tummy an maybe antidepressant for mood stabilization. ..keep us posted...we all will go thru different things. Hang in there...this is also a mind transformation. Think positive thoughts...

[Unhappysleever 39]

@@njkelly,

Just know you are not alone. I to suffered really bad with nausea for 4 mths straight, every single hour of the day! I have never suffered with depression but sent myself off for a chat, it kind of helped. My surgeon tried everything and nothing worked except motion sickness pills, took 1 every night for about a week one morning the nausea was gone. I am 6 mths out and still struggle with this NEW life but it's a little easier now than 2 mths ago. Pls pm me if you need to...

[somsgal 23]

only when i am crying in frustration over Constipation. even then its not really regret. just frustration.

Keep Miralax on hand and take it as soon as you feel you need it. It has worked great for me!

[Melodica 64]

I yo-yo between regret and happiness about it. I have lost a significant amount of weight and in ways I feel a huge improvement. However, I'm having A LOT of trouble adjusting to the new diet. The reason being is that I cannot find things that I want to eat, so a lot of the time I just don't eat. I've tried a lot of low carb or 'WLS friendly' recipes and haven't enjoyed one of them.

To top that off, since I haven't been getting an adequate Protein intake, my hair is falling out. Thankfully I had a lot so it's not noticeable yet. I'm also tired all the time, probably because I don't eat enough.

So yeah - be prepared for the diet change. Go ahead and start trying to find WLS friendly recipes and low carb Snacks that you enjoy eating. Also, try to get used to the Vitamin regiment. There are a lot that you have to take and some of them can't be taken together, so you have to plan well. In my case, I also take a thyroid medication that can't be taken with Iron, Calcium or a Multivitamin so I almost have to set an alarm to take Vitamins throughout the day.

In regards to your marriage - it is VERY hard when you're around someone who can eat things that you can't. My husband tried to be considerate, but when I was on the pre-op liquid diet EVERYTHING he ate tortured me. Now he can have things like Pasta, rice and bread and I can't and it does cause some resentment.

This surgery is YOUR choice though, so try to keep that in mind when you're seeing red because he's scarfing pizza or spaghetti (two things that I crave often, by the way). My husband and I have been married since October of last year and have been together for a total of about 2.5 years and we haven't had any real issues because of the surgery. He's happy for me and very supportive even though I know it's frustrating for him sometimes.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

from what i have personally seen, many obese women settle for partners because they have such low self esteem. when they feel better about themselves, they want to find more suitable partners. i have one friend who left her critical, slovenly, socially inept H, and is now with an amazing guy who worships her. he had a crush on her before her surgery, but she was stuck with with her H.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

With respect to the divorce rate after wls, I have done a fair amount of research and most of what is out there is anecdotal and doesn't provide any published research to back it up. There's a lot of "people say" "the doctor told me" "they said at support group" -- not a lot of real data! The only actual data I found is from a JAMA article in 1982 that followed about 50 wls patients for three years and found that after three years, they had a divorce rate of approximately 20% where a control group had a divorce rate of about 11%.

The abstract is available here:

http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=369322

Not sure if the full text is available to everyone -- my employer subscribes to the JAMA backfile so I can read it by clicking on the "PDF" link -- it may or may not be available without a subscription, I am not sure.

If anyone else has citations to published studies with data about divorce rates after wls, I would love to see them! I don't claim to be a perfect researcher so they may very well be out there, I just didn't find them.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

guessing not a lot research has been done, since you would need to do both pre and post testing.

point is, its life changing surgery for most people, and that is always assoc. with divorce too. its not about the surgery, its about the relationship and how we change.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

With respect to the divorce rate after wls, I have done a fair amount of research and most of what is out there is anecdotal and doesn't provide any published research to back it up. There's a lot of "people say" "the doctor told me" "they said at support group" -- not a lot of real data! The only actual data I found is from a JAMA article in 1982 that followed about 50 wls patients for three years and found that after three years, they had a divorce rate of approximately 20% where a control group had a divorce rate of about 11%.

The abstract is available here:

http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=369322

Not sure if the full text is available to everyone -- my employer subscribes to the JAMA backfile so I can read it by clicking on the "PDF" link -- it may or may not be available without a subscription, I am not sure.

If anyone else has citations to published studies with data about divorce rates after wls, I would love to see them! I don't claim to be a perfect researcher so they may very well be out there, I just didn't find them.

After reading Bufflehead's comment above and doing some online searching and reading (I am a good researcher), I agree with Bufflehead. Based on what I found (and didn't find) I don't see that adequate research has been done on this subject. Instead, there are a lot of online references that make fuzzy allusions to stories told in support groups, anecdotal reports from surgeons, and quite a few blogs by WLS patients that quote each other.

BTW, the simple term "divorce rate" is badly understood. It's a long-term metric explained fairly well at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in_the_United_States#Rates_of_divorce. A 50% divorce rate simply means that over a long period of time (10 years, 30 years, 50 years -- however it's defined) that 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Thank you, Bufflehead.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

again i would say, its not the surgery per se that causes it, no one i have known who broke up after surgery had a good marriage/relationship to begin with.

[rriggins 19]

again i would say, its not the surgery per se that causes it, no one i have known who broke up after surgery had a good marriage/relationship to begin with.

Agreed if your relationship is already weak than I would worry....most time eat happens is you gain new found confidence and independence while the mate that took you for granted gets jealous....and trust there going to blame it on the weight loss

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

While it may be anecdotal it has been my observation that major life changes often end long term relationships. I observe this in my friends - doesn't have to be weight loss, often other changes like new found confidence due to career or maybe the kids moving out (empty nesters) - anything that shakes up the status quo.

For me, i was in an unmarried LTR with a really good guy, supportive of my weight loss efforts but he hadn't been "in love" with me for a very long time. I tolerated living like roommates for years and frankly did blame it on my weight. After I lost 125# and asked him if he noticed my looks any different and he was essentially indifferent, i started to get the clue that his lack of interest in me was not weight related. I sorta realize now that we should have ended things maybe 5-7 years ago, but out of respect and caring and family orientation we were sticking it out. I had to face the question... do I want to spend the rest of my life in an unmarried "friendship" with no intimacy, doing nothing together and essentially half way between being single, and not really single. The answer was NO. When I was obese, I couldn't even think that way and frankly I thought it was all because of my horrible physical condition.

We are both better off apart and are still friends - that never changed - we are just living a more honest and authentic life in many ways. I realize my story is not typical (ie no jealousy or any of that) but my point is that new found confidence makes people start asking themselves if they are really thriving in their relationships or are they just getting by....

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

CGJ,

I can't disagree with any of your observations about how big changes affect some relationships.

However, I'm going to stop quoting any statistics about post-WLS divorce until I see some defensible research on the subject.

BTW, congrats to you and your ex-partner for making a healthy change in your lives.