Death and sadness.

[ambieambs 54]

I LOST MY Uncle in 2010 then I lost grand mommy she was my soul my life my world I miss here every day I no she and a better and I feel her all the time tell me to keep moving to stop :{

I can relate to the pain of losing loved ones. I was watching my uncle die of melanoma cancer and it was so hard to watch knowing he was suffering. One night when we thought we were losing him my grandma broke down and said this can't happen. She said she was supposed to die before him. A few days later my grandma went in for a heart valve replacement and came back out of surgery on life support. I was there with my family holding her hand when she passed. She was my best friend and my world. She died March 19 2010 and I am still lost without her. Not long after we lost her, my uncle finally passed. He passed June 1 2010. My grandma got her wish. She was there in heaven waiting for my uncle when he passed away. I miss them every day but I know they are with me.

[nerms 237]

I've lost many family members but I think the death that hit me hardest was my dog's death. Innocent, loving soul hit by a car because of some speeding dickhead.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

nothing like losing your child or a parent or other human being... but 3 weeks after my surgery, my 22 year old cat died. that was when i realized i would have to learn to live without eating my feelings.

much love to all of you, i know its human to have and survive loss... but my heart breaks for all of you. <3

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Sometimes there is a unique group of people who share a bond no one else can comprehend. I read this here sometimes. I lost my 30 year old son in November 2006 from a heart attack. His 25 y/o girlfriend, an RN, committed suicide 4 months later which destroyed me. My sister dies from ALS in 2009. I will never stop my tears. Then the parents and inlaws went to heaven, terribly. Share your pain with me.

This beautiful group of WLS people is currently helping me as I navigate the sadness and uncertainty of divorce. Your post hit me, especially about ALS. My dad died at age 60 from ALS. I lost my dear aunt at 60 from lymphoma. She was my personal champion, a close friend and loved me unconditionally all of my life. I miss these two people so much right now. All I can do is take care of myself the best I can and not turn back to the food. Thanks for this post.

[Yoga lady 49]

Lost my husband and best friend two years ago. We were next door neighbours since we were 4 and were married for 30 years. From diagnosis to death 30 days- two weeks later his mother passed from a broken heart. I miss him every minute of everyday. Before he died he told me to look after myself and do thing just for me. vsg 9 months ago- just for me!,

[snowkitten 371]

Sometimes there is a unique group of people who share a bond no one else can comprehend. I read this here sometimes. I lost my 30 year old son in November 2006 from a heart attack. His 25 y/o girlfriend, an RN, committed suicide 4 months later which destroyed me. My sister dies from ALS in 2009. I will never stop my tears. Then the parents and inlaws went to heaven, terribly. Share your pain with me.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. That must have been devastating for you. I cant relate to losing a child but im no stranger to loss. Im 28 y/o and already had to deal with more loss and disasters then most people see in their entire life. My father died in a car accident before i was born, my grandmother of a stroke (drank herself to it) when i was 12, my uncle at 13 (heart attack), my other uncle at 14 (hypothermia), at 16 my step father lost all but 3 of his fingers in a work accident and i had to help my mom take care of him, I started taking care of my mom at age 22 when she was in a car accident that left her unable to work and her husband divorced her because he didn't want to take care of her (yep, after she quit her job to take care of him from his accident), At 23 my mom had a heart attack requiring surgery(lived). At 24 my husbands grandfather passed away from brain cancer, and that same week i found out my mom had breast cancer. She had double mastectomy with one side getting infected and opening up (about the size of my fist) and a 6 month recovery. This caused her to be unable to have chemo or radiation. After she healed she started the journey of reconstruction but unfortunately after the expanders were put in she developed MRSA in one side and then a week later the other side (both had to be taken out and she was hospitalized). Then she developed it again in her hand and shoulder (hospitalized again). She went home with IV antibiotics (that i cared for). She progressively got more sick and on my 25th birthday she was hospitalized with a rare condition called steven johnsons syndrome (severe allergic reaction that causes the body to burn from the inside out).She was hospitalized again (sad thing is i cant remember why now) and missed the baby shower for my first(only) child. I had a complicated childbirth (emergency c-section) with a complicated recovery (pre-eclamsia AFTER). When my son was 5mo my mom had another heart attack requiring surgery (a rare reaction from the sjs that caused the original stent to be overgrown with tissue). My Uncle passed away soon after. My mom remained pretty healthy after that but i progressively got sicker. My aunt passed away (drugs and alcohol caused her liver to fail). I lost my job (the department was dissolved) a month after i bought my first home (thankfully got a new job right away). A year long journey led my doctors to discovering I have a severe immune deficiency. I ended up getting sick for about 2 months that was finally diagnosed by my immunologist as pertussis. A week later (Jan) my mom was hospitalized with pneumonia (she came home with oxygen). Unfortunately after that (and many tests) it was discovered her breast cancer had come back and metastasized to her lymph nodes and pleura (lining of lungs). Its stage 4 and terminal. Theres no cure but she started chemo with the thought to prolong her life . She was hospitalized again with pneumonia that required multiple chest tube placements. She resumed her chemo which she did pretty well on with symptom reactions but bad on with others (her potassium and anemia levls kept dropping causing her to be extremely lethargic). last month her WBC droped really low and she got sick. When i checked her O2 and saw it was really low i insisted on bringing her to the ER (she's stubborn and hates going). They said it was good because 6-12 more hours and she would have been septic. They admitted her again but her o2 wouldn't stabilize. I get a call at work the next day and im told there transferring her to ICU and intubating her. She was intubated (and essentially in a coma) for 2 weeks She had strep pneumonia, strep in her urine, influenza, and fungal empyema . On 4th of july they released her to come home and she has been weak ever since. I have been her caring for her but she isn't getting better. She still cant stand from the toilet, cant care for herself, she barely eats, and she keeps getting a cough. She has lost 70lbs since Jan. Yesterday we had the follow up oncologist appointment and he told us because of her condition it wouldn't be wise to re-start chemo. He said that if they did she had an extremely high chance of catching another illness and dieing. Without chemo she has less than 6 months to live (he said with her condition now its more like a few months). so were in a crossroads of what to do. Risk chemo (which she was pretty much like a zombie on most days) and hope she doesn't catch anything (extremely hard with me having an immune deficiency and always getting sick) OR let the cancer kill her.

Im struggling with the thought that i will be 28 y/o without any parents. My mom is my best friend and the thought of losing her kills me. I keep thinking about how close she is to my 2 y/o son and how he's going to grow up and not remember her or how significant she was in his life. And she will never know any other children i have. She has taught my son SO much, i just cant imagine her not being there to teach my future children.

OMG im so sorry for spilling my life story. I know this is probably more then anyone wanted to know, but as its 4am and im unable to sleep its really helpful to get it all out of my head. Sorry for the TMI but thank you for the place to get it out.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I lost my younger brother July 3, 2012. We were very close and only 13 months apart. He literally collapsed in the hallway walking to the bathroom in front of his girlfriend. Despite autopsy and toxicology testing, no COD was found. Healthy organs, no aneurysms or clots, blood alcohol .03, no street drugs and normal, therapeutic levels of his Rx drugs for ADHD.

I was beyond devastated and functioned on a " bare minimum" mode for over a year. Other than making it to work, I didn't leave the the house. I tried to numb myself by eating and drinking. I went to bed in an alcohol haze every night. And the clincher is I didn't WANT to feel better. I'm sure you all are no stranger to these feelings.

Not sure what happened, but after about 18 months something just switched in my head and I decided I didn't want to be in pain anymore. This surgery, among other things was my way of taking back control of myself. I still miss him every single day and it's hard to comprehend that we will never again talk and laugh and be able to share our lives and childhood memories. But he was always kind of a "troubled soul" so I can only hope he's found peace now.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you with lost loved ones, especially for those of you that are having to watch it happen.

Kindle, I am so sorry you lost your dear brother. I can relate to everything you said. My son too was a "troubled soul". I know they both have found peace.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I know what it's like to lose a child, only in a much different way. There are still many similarities. I gave birth to my sleeping angel Anthony John "AJ" October 21 2012. I was only 21 years old. It's not an easy thing for anyone to have to go through. That's part of the reason I had my surgery. I want to better myself for future babies. I had a placenta abruption due to pre-eclampsia. Although my weight was not a factor in my illness, I'm sure it didn't help. So sorry for your losses. I know the pain all too well. It's different but still, being a parent and feeling responsible and feeling like it should have been you instead of them... that this is unnatural and unfair...I understand that very much. From there, I just look at him as my inspiration for everything positive in life. He keeps me going. I live my entire life, every single day, in his honor. Every thing I do is still for him, just as if he were here on Earth because I know he is out there somewhere watching me and I want to make him proud.

Wendy I am familiar with this. I have two loved ones this happened to. It is so tragic. Your little AJ will live on forever in your heart. God Bless, Wendy.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

MSMIMI and AMBIEAMBS, I am so sorry for your losses. I know my dear Grandmother was a driving force in my life, as well as other relatives. My Grandmother died 30 years ago. I still think of her so much.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Sometimes there is a unique group of people who share a bond no one else can comprehend. I read this here sometimes. I lost my 30 year old son in November 2006 from a heart attack. His 25 y/o girlfriend, an RN, committed suicide 4 months later which destroyed me. My sister dies from ALS in 2009. I will never stop my tears. Then the parents and inlaws went to heaven, terribly. Share your pain with me.

This beautiful group of WLS people is currently helping me as I navigate the sadness and uncertainty of divorce. Your post hit me, especially about ALS. My dad died at age 60 from ALS. I lost my dear aunt at 60 from lymphoma. She was my personal champion, a close friend and loved me unconditionally all of my life. I miss these two people so much right now. All I can do is take care of myself the best I can and not turn back to the food. Thanks for this post.

Divorce is another "death". It is the death of a marriage. It is a painful process. I am still friends with my first ex I was married to 20 years. The second ex of 4 years I am lucky to have survived. The current husband of 20 years is the dessert, and proves to me it was all worth the pain I went through. There is HOPE for you and everyone else going through divorce, I promise. I hope one day they find the cause of ALS, and a cure. It is horrible. I have a friend who was diagnosed with lymphoma at 25. She is 35 now. Another dreadful condition. I am so sorry for your losses. Life is so not fair sometimes.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Lost my husband and best friend two years ago. We were next door neighbours since we were 4 and were married for 30 years. From diagnosis to death 30 days- two weeks later his mother passed from a broken heart. I miss him every minute of everyday. Before he died he told me to look after myself and do thing just for me. vsg 9 months ago- just for me!,

He would be so proud of you. We teach others here by sharing, and this lesson is to live every day to the fullest. Life is short.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Sometimes there is a unique group of people who share a bond no one else can comprehend. I read this here sometimes. I lost my 30 year old son in November 2006 from a heart attack. His 25 y/o girlfriend, an RN, committed suicide 4 months later which destroyed me. My sister dies from ALS in 2009. I will never stop my tears. Then the parents and inlaws went to heaven, terribly. Share your pain with me.

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. That must have been devastating for you. I cant relate to losing a child but im no stranger to loss. Im 28 y/o and already had to deal with more loss and disasters then most people see in their entire life. My father died in a car accident before i was born, my grandmother of a stroke (drank herself to it) when i was 12, my uncle at 13 (heart attack), my other uncle at 14 (hypothermia), at 16 my step father lost all but 3 of his fingers in a work accident and i had to help my mom take care of him, I started taking care of my mom at age 22 when she was in a car accident that left her unable to work and her husband divorced her because he didn't want to take care of her (yep, after she quit her job to take care of him from his accident), At 23 my mom had a heart attack requiring surgery(lived). At 24 my husbands grandfather passed away from brain cancer, and that same week i found out my mom had breast cancer. She had double mastectomy with one side getting infected and opening up (about the size of my fist) and a 6 month recovery. This caused her to be unable to have chemo or radiation. After she healed she started the journey of reconstruction but unfortunately after the expanders were put in she developed MRSA in one side and then a week later the other side (both had to be taken out and she was hospitalized). Then she developed it again in her hand and shoulder (hospitalized again). She went home with IV antibiotics (that i cared for). She progressively got more sick and on my 25th birthday she was hospitalized with a rare condition called steven johnsons syndrome (severe allergic reaction that causes the body to burn from the inside out).She was hospitalized again (sad thing is i cant remember why now) and missed the baby shower for my first(only) child. I had a complicated childbirth (emergency c-section) with a complicated recovery (pre-eclamsia AFTER). When my son was 5mo my mom had another heart attack requiring surgery (a rare reaction from the sjs that caused the original stent to be overgrown with tissue). My Uncle passed away soon after. My mom remained pretty healthy after that but i progressively got sicker. My aunt passed away (drugs and alcohol caused her liver to fail). I lost my job (the department was dissolved) a month after i bought my first home (thankfully got a new job right away). A year long journey led my doctors to discovering I have a severe immune deficiency. I ended up getting sick for about 2 months that was finally diagnosed by my immunologist as pertussis. A week later (Jan) my mom was hospitalized with pneumonia (she came home with oxygen). Unfortunately after that (and many tests) it was discovered her breast cancer had come back and metastasized to her lymph nodes and pleura (lining of lungs). Its stage 4 and terminal. Theres no cure but she started chemo with the thought to prolong her life . She was hospitalized again with pneumonia that required multiple chest tube placements. She resumed her chemo which she did pretty well on with symptom reactions but bad on with others (her potassium and anemia levls kept dropping causing her to be extremely lethargic). last month her WBC droped really low and she got sick. When i checked her O2 and saw it was really low i insisted on bringing her to the ER (she's stubborn and hates going). They said it was good because 6-12 more hours and she would have been septic. They admitted her again but her o2 wouldn't stabilize. I get a call at work the next day and im told there transferring her to ICU and intubating her. She was intubated (and essentially in a coma) for 2 weeks She had strep pneumonia, strep in her urine, influenza, and fungal empyema . On 4th of july they released her to come home and she has been weak ever since. I have been her caring for her but she isn't getting better. She still cant stand from the toilet, cant care for herself, she barely eats, and she keeps getting a cough. She has lost 70lbs since Jan. Yesterday we had the follow up oncologist appointment and he told us because of her condition it wouldn't be wise to re-start chemo. He said that if they did she had an extremely high chance of catching another illness and dieing. Without chemo she has less than 6 months to live (he said with her condition now its more like a few months). so were in a crossroads of what to do. Risk chemo (which she was pretty much like a zombie on most days) and hope she doesn't catch anything (extremely hard with me having an immune deficiency and always getting sick) OR let the cancer kill her.

Im struggling with the thought that i will be 28 y/o without any parents. My mom is my best friend and the thought of losing her kills me. I keep thinking about how close she is to my 2 y/o son and how he's going to grow up and not remember her or how significant she was in his life. And she will never know any other children i have. She has taught my son SO much, i just cant imagine her not being there to teach my future children.

OMG im so sorry for spilling my life story. I know this is probably more then anyone wanted to know, but as its 4am and im unable to sleep its really helpful to get it all out of my head. Sorry for the TMI but thank you for the place to get it out.

Snowkitten, you have a lot on your plate right now. Sometimes it helps, just being able to tell someone, even strangers. There are a lot of wonderful, caring people here and you will make friends and be able to share the anguish you are going through. I am truly sad about your dear Mother. I am proud of your decision to have WLS so that you can live a good life for your 2 year old son. He needs you around for a long time. (((Big HUG)))

[Roo101769 742]

In early 2003 my mother started having issues when she ate. Nothing seemed to sit right on her stomach and she seemed to get sick after most meals. She saw her family doctor, who referred her to another. It was discovered at that time she had Hepatitis C, but they believed her illness was caused by a bad gallbladder. I will never forget when she got the Hep C diagnosis. She came to my work to tell me. She was outside in the parking lot, in her van. As walked up she teasingly goes "it's all your fault". ( She received a blood transfusion when I was born, it was a complicated delivery. Unfortunately in 1969 blood was not being tested for Hepatitis and she received bad blood. It remained dormant in her for many years.) Those words came to haunt me months later, and still do to this day. Mom decided to put off having her "gallbladder" taken care of because she was guardian of my sister's three children and wanted to wait until they were on summer break. ( she didn't want to be down from surgery while they were still in school) She was progressively getting worse and was unable to eat much at all. In March, before Mom was really bad, I adopted a dog. She was a pound puppy and she had heartworm from the git go . My mom helped me take care of my Daisy after her treatment, even the time my dog suffered an embolism and had to be rushed to an emergency vet. Time passed and Mom went further downhill. She was hospitalized in late April and mid May. Each time the assumption remained it was her gallbladder. The week after Memorial day I went to her house at lunch to check on her and she was in the bathroom, unable to get off the toilet. (she lived with my grandma and the three kids) I had my oldest nephew help me get her up, cleaned, and back to her recliner in the living room. When it was done I told her she was going back to the hospital. She refused, said they did nothing to help her. ( which was unfortunately true too) I told her I would take her to a different hospital this time and maybe it would be better, but there was no way I was letting her die in that house in front of the kids. I didn't know what was really wrong with her, I said that out of frustration more than anything. She finally relented and we called the medics who transported her to a different hospital than she had previously been in. She was admitted on a Thursday. Friday on my lunch hour I went to see her and she was out of her head. She was barely conscious and talking nonsense. She refused needed tests later that day. I had decided to go to see her on Saturday with her best friend to ensure she got the tests she needed. Well Friday night she suffered repertory failure due to a blood clot and a heart attack. She went into a coma and was put in ICU on life support. I got up early the next day and headed to the hospital. When I arrived I was ushered into an empty ICU room for a phone call with her attending physician. He gave me the most devastating news of my life. Mom had cancer. What other doctors (and hospital) had assumed was a bad gallbladder was actually liver cancer. She was dying. Her liver was failing and her other organs shutting down, which triggered the clot. They believed they could eventually remove her from the life support, but she was terminal and it would only be a matter of time. I knew Mom's feelings about life support and had to make the decision to remove her from it. I gathered the family and let them all know. We decided the following Monday would be the day to remove the support. I decided I didn't want the kids seeing her die, not knowing if she would fight or go hard. I had friend take them out for lunch when the tubes and support were removed. Mom hung on about half an hour after. I told her it was ok to go. I promised the kids would be ok ( I ended up with custody of the two minor children) and that her dad and grandma were waiting for her in Heaven. Not much after I said those words to her she took her last breath and was gone. The ensuing years have been hard. I had to raise two kids that both had emotional issues and I was not prepared for it. ( I had no children at that time) My weight went up. I pretty much gave up. Until my health issues started to take me down and I decided I could NOT do that to my child. ( My daughter was born years after mom died. I named her for mom in her honor. I am so sad she isn't here to enjoy her grand daughter, although my girl often talks about loving "her grammy".) I had the VSG surgery to try to reclaim some of my life I had given up. And I have. Recently my Daisy dog has been having trouble. She has a large mass growing under her front leg and across her chest. It is cancer. Her time with me is growing short. I am not ready to let her go by any means. Even writing these words has me tearing up. She came to me when I needed her the most, even though I didn't know how much then. She has been with me through so much these past 11 years. I love her as much as a family member and will be devastated when it is time to say good bye. Grief is grief, no matter who you grieve.

[snowkitten 371]

Snowkitten, you have a lot on your plate right now. Sometimes it helps, just being able to tell someone, even strangers. There are a lot of wonderful, caring people here and you will make friends and be able to share the anguish you are going through. I am truly sad about your dear Mother. I am proud of your decision to have WLS so that you can live a good life for your 2 year old son. He needs you around for a long time. (((Big HUG)))

Thanks linda. Your right, it does help to tell others. Especially others who are also taking this wls journey. I know it sounds odd that I'm pursuing this at this time but I really need to do this for my immune problem so I don't leave my son, my mom wanted me to and I really want her to be around when I go through it, and I NEED something to set my goals on so I can focus on the future. A strange coping strategy lol

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

"I know it sounds odd that I'm pursuing this at this time but I really need to do this"

@@snowkitten, nope. I totally understand. I GOT my WLS because I knew that I would not have the strength to leave my unhealthy marriage unless I got my food and weight and emotions under control.