I Really Don't Get It

[Urbanlamb 56]

We all know that there's a certain stigma attached to having weight loss surgery. That's why a lot of us are very selective of who we tell. So when we do tell someone, we are opening ourselves up...being vulnerable. I would really appreciate a bit of positive feedback.

So why is it that one of the most common reactions is "Oh, I know someone who had that operation...she gained it all back, y'know'.

Like...*flapping my arms in the air here*

Gee thanks...that really boosted my morale.

My whole life, I've been a failure in my battle with obesity. It's not like I haven't tried!! I've worked 100 times harder than most skinny people...I've cried in dressing rooms...I've stayed home due to embarrassment about my body and missed out on a lot of things.

Sure...sure...I'll fail at this too is the message that I'm getting.

Help me out here peeps...I'm going in for a sleeve on August 18th, and I find that lately instead of being excited, I'm scared.

I'm scared I will fail at this too.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Got the same comments from 3 different people last weekend. they were all staying at my house. One I just met. The other two were friends I had not seen in 10 years. All knew someone who had the surgery. Unsure which one though but had either only lost a fraction of weight. Not enough to make it worth it. Or one that kept tons of sweets in a desk drawer at her desk and she was not losing..And a third that is bigger now then when she had the surgery a couple of years ago!

Did not bother me one little bit. i had all the answers in my back pocket and explained the possibilities for all of the stories and this led them to all kinds of questions regarding WLS.

I know that this surgery will not fail me. I can however fail it if I don't see it as a tool and not as a miracle cure...With that knowledge and the retraining of our thinking about how we use food. We will succeed. Maybe not today or tomorrow..But we will come to terms with the new us and that is all she wrote!

[lastingdreams 57]

Hey, I'm scheduled for the same day as you and have very similar numbers. I've had a very different response from people. I work with a woman who was once 435 pounds. She is now under 200. She is the person who recommended my surgeon. I have other friends who have done it as well and everyone has done amazingly. Are they all society skinny? Well, no. But each one is healthy and happy.

I have been overweight for literally my entire life. I haven't been under 300 pounds since I was 13. I've never lost more than 30 pounds on any diet. My surgeon and friends believe in me and so I believe in myself but I totally get the terrifying possibility of failure

[AggieGal08 9]

Everyday I worry that I will fail at this too. So I don't know that it will ever go away but I do know that I have lost 40lbs in two months and I feel more in control than I ever have in this battle.

[LisaNLasVegas 91]

I think it is just something we have to accept. People who have not/are not having WLS just don't understand. They have not lived our lives and don't realize it is our final straw.

People who are obese and make those comments are, in my opinion, jealous of the fact that we took the final step. Maybe they can't afford the surgery or their insurance doesn't cover it, or they are not ready to commit to such a drastic measure. Normal weight people think we can just pull away from the table and lose weight without help. They may be right, but I wouldn't have been gaining and losing weight for 37 years if that were the case. They definitely don't undersstand. Don't get me wrong, I love my normal weight friends and family - most of them are - but they are in a different boat!

People want to see others fail, because it makes them look better. Not saying it's right or wrong, just the way it is. Well, ok, it is wrong. But we cannot control what others think. Hopefully, we all made this decision for OUR lives and OUR health. I, for one, really don't care if I am the topic of gossip. And if I fail, I've been there, before, too. My true supporters will stand by me and help me along the way, no matter what. The ones who want to see me fail have bigger issues than I do and I don't really need them in my life!

[Tamlyn 107]

I really don't know why people do things like that. I haven't had my surgery yet, but I remember when I was pregnant people were forever coming up and telling me horror stories about women they knew who had miscarried, or had babies die of crazy obscure things, and I never knew what to say. It was always something like "My brother in law's cousin's next door neighbor's stepsister had a baby, and one day that baby's head just fell right off! I'm sure that won't happen to you, though!"

I think the only thing you can really do is roll your eyes and be glad you have enough sense in your head to not say stupid things.

[knzt 69]

This is the reason I have only chosen to tell my husband about the surgery.

I know of two people who have had it and the flack they got to their face and behind their back was horrible. So I have chosen to use this site as my support network also..

Chin up!!!

[chrissy72w 15]

I overheard my HR Director talking to my Fiscal Director about "those poor people who let themselves go and become morbidly obese and have to do something drastic and have surgery." They didn't see me standing near them. Let me first say that these two people are the reason why my company's insurance EXCLUDES bariatric surgery so I had to wait a year and get on my husbands insurance. They said things like how the obese people need to take more responsibility for their health and they just need to exercise and watch what they eat. (Why didn't I think of that???) Neither of these two people are skinny minnies. I didn't say anything, but I felt like blasting them about it. Now everytime I walk past them, I get irritated.

So when I went to apply for my STD, I met with the assistant in the HR department (she is also a judgemental little b$%#^ ) and she asked me what surgery I was having. I am not sure why I told her. She ended up telling the other woman and now she has been treating me differently. It's a weird situation. I told my boss and a couple other coworkers and the couldn't be happier for me.

After I recover, I am looking for another job. I can't deal with these women anymore.

[par1959 470]

First question to ask those people is which surgery did the person you know have. This usually stops them in their tracks. It's pure ignorance on their part. The only ones I know that fail have had the band. This is for many reasons. That is one of the reason I chose the sleeve.

[NewSetOfCurves 1,553]

I can however fail it if I don't see it as a tool and not as a miracle cure...With that knowledge and the retraining of our thinking about how we use food. We will succeed. Maybe not today or tomorrow..But we will come to terms with the new us and that is all she wrote!

To the original poster, I'm sorry you had to endure that. People judge and criticize things that they don't understand. It seems easy and simple for them because they've never struggled or battled it, but they have no idea the reality of the situation. However, I do agree with RJ. Weight loss surgery is not a miracle surgery that will end obesity for the rest of our lives. It is a means to an end. It will help us with QUANTITY control for a time being, but we have to retrain ourselves to only consume foods of QUALITY. We have to teach ourselves to implement activity into our lives (i.e. walking, biking, jogging, hiking). We have to change our life style for long term success. The sleeve is a small part of your overall success. It's just an instrument to help transition you from point A to point B.

Before the sleeve, as much as I liked healthy foods , I loved my junk food too. Especially chips and dips, and anything sweet. I literally made myself throw everything out of the pantry and throw it all away before surgery. I refuse to buy any of the junk, because if I do I know I will eat it. The biggest battle is against ourselves. It's a mental battle.

You can do this. It's not easy, but it can be done and the sleeve is a great tool to have at your side as you make these mental changes. Good luck to you.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Curvy

[*Lexie* 1,486]

Here's my 2 cents. In the last year, I gained around 30lbs while trying very hard to lose weight. What I'm doing isn't working. If I don't try something new (i.e. WLS), I can probably expect to keep gaining year over year.

I truly believe that if I trust my doctor and follow their instructions, I will be successful. I have seen repeated posts as well as feedback from my doctor that people that get WLS and aren't successful are the ones that either received little or no education on what to do or didn't utilize the resources provided them by the doctor.

[Urbanlamb 56]

I wanted to thank everyone for their input...

I'm in a much better frame of mind today....It's just that I've been battling this for so long, I'm almost afraid to hope.

Yes, I know I will have to work at it and I'm looking forward to being active again...I miss it.

I'm starting to feel hopeful again, and it's been so long since I dared to believe that I have a chance of being a normal, healthy weight. This is my chance and heck yes, I'm going to do everything in my power to make it work!

*hugs

[crazzeescrapper 125]

I've only told a couple people about my surgery so I have not heard this yet. However I'm glad I've seen this post so I can plan my reply. Im thinking of going with "they probably gained it back because they were a negative Nancy like you"

[sunnkistme 76]

I have decided that I will need to look at the surgery like quitting smoking. I was addicted to cigarettes, I am addicted to food. I know that if I smoke again the addiction will come back. When I quit smoking I looked at all the failed attempts as practice and I used medication as a tool to help me quit. I will use the surgery as a tool to help me control my addiction to the foods that make me unhealthy. When I quit smoking there were a few people that I could not continue having a relationship with because I realized when I did not have the crutch of going out side to smoke they were no longer people I could tolerate. I know their will be those people around me again. I did not tell everyone when I quit smoking and I will not tell everyone about the surgery. The people who are important to me have been incredibly supportive. The only people I have not told are my parents. I am 52 years old and scared to tell my mom..Oh dear, no where near as mature as I thought.

[Mangold33 11]

I have chosen to share my WLS with only my immediate family. I don't want that to be my identity ("Oh, he had WLS") nor do I want to be evaluated by others. Maybe in the future I will change my mind.