For those who didn't tell anyone - betrayed

[NMJG 1,266]

Sending hugs your way. So sorry you had to go through that.

[Josh2xh 70]

I didn't tell anyone except my husband and my mother about my surgery. They knew about how important it was for me to keep this to myself.

I found out yesterday after church that my mother had told her entire "small group" which is about 50 people. I had someone walk up to me after church asking how I am doing after the surgery and how much weight I had lost. I was dumbfounded.

I asked her if she told and she said just her small group because she wanted me covered in prayer. I get that, I truly do, but she didn't have to tell them what kind of surgery it was. I am so hurt. It's an awful feeling to know your own mother has betrayed your trust. And if all those people know, everyone might as well know. She took that choice to tell away from me. It was the one thing I thought I had control over. I am so hurt.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I just have to get it out. I'm having a really hard time right now.

I literally had the same experience. My dad is better than anyone I know at respecting personal boundaries. But I went to church and someone came up to me asking how I was doing. I was so pissed at my dad and the situation he and the individual put me in. I just thought it incredibly rude of the individual to ask me the way she did. My wife was even blown away.

I thought I had gotten over this but reading your post brought back the memory. I don't have a clue how it can be made right.

[Forsythia 882]

I didn't tell anyone except my husband and my mother about my surgery. They knew about how important it was for me to keep this to myself.

I found out yesterday after church that my mother had told her entire "small group" which is about 50 people. I had someone walk up to me after church asking how I am doing after the surgery and how much weight I had lost. I was dumbfounded.

I asked her if she told and she said just her small group because she wanted me covered in prayer. I get that, I truly do, but she didn't have to tell them what kind of surgery it was. I am so hurt. It's an awful feeling to know your own mother has betrayed your trust. And if all those people know, everyone might as well know. She took that choice to tell away from me. It was the one thing I thought I had control over. I am so hurt.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I just have to get it out. I'm having a really hard time right now.

I literally had the same experience. My dad is better than anyone I know at respecting personal boundaries. But I went to church and someone came up to me asking how I was doing. I was so pissed at my dad and the situation he and the individual put me in. I just thought it incredibly rude of the individual to ask me the way she did. My wife was even blown away.

I thought I had gotten over this but reading your post brought back the memory. I don't have a clue how it can be made right.

Time. And the knowledge that your Dad loves you. But he's human too and made a mistake. At least that is how I dealt with it when my Mom told her sister. I gave her a talking to and she apologized. Then I let it go.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

My 26 y/o only grandson asked me about my surgery. I was blown away that my daughter would tell him as I specifically asked her not to. Her response was "I was worried about you Mom". How can I hold a grudge? I can't. Life is short. We are all human and make mistakes. But it hurts when you specifically ask someone not to tell. If family members do it LOL, then we who like our privacy really know everyone else will tell because they are "concerned" about us. Gotta laugh my friends!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Most people are idiots.

(Except me, of course.)

But it really is true. Most people are neither rational nor predictable nor all that reliable.

[Nevermind 117]

I'm sorry but maybe blessing in disguise? (Easy for me to say).

I would have a prepared answer (maybe others can offer more suggestions) but word your response in such a way that simply implies you are not open to discuss it further a this time. Good luck.

[LessofApril 101]

I'm sorry your mom did that. My mother did the same thing. I very specifically told my parents NOT to tell anyone---this was really directed towards my mother. She told one of my aunts, which as far as I am concerned like telling the whole world. I am not ashamed of having had surgery, but it was MY news to share or NOT. You are very justified in feeling hurt and angry. It will go away, I promise @livingmore. Feel good!

[LisaNLasVegas 91]

Bottom line - if you don't want anyone to know, then have your surgery in another country and don't tell ANYONE!

People are always looking for - "don't tell anyone, but...." It will always get out. That's why I decided to be open about it. I'd rather people just know rather than thinking they have one of my deep dark secrets! I'm not posting on Facebook, but I don't really care who knows. That way I can't get mad at anyone!

Edited July 22, 2014 by LisaELasVegas

[finediva 979]

Most people are idiots.

(Except me, of course.)

But it really is true. Most people are neither rational nor predictable nor all that reliable.

Yeah, true. That's why I told NO ONE!!

[NurseNic4 8]

Do we have the same mom?!?! Lol my mom has done this to me time and time again. I completely understand how hurt you are. If you need to talk let me know. I've been going through this for years with my mother. The one person you are supposed to be able to trust in this world...I'm very sorry this happened to you.