Social Life - Need Help from Veterans!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

It seems to me like the trouble your going through trying to hide the fact you had WLS is more trouble than coming out of the closet, Maybe re-examine your reasoning as to why you want to hide the fact you ad WLS.

Bob,

Clarification request ... are you saying you think there's something inappropriate about being in "the closet" about WLS?

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

I'm fully 'in the closet'. I don't care, either. Aint no ones business but mine.

That being said, I had my Mum over, 8 or so weeks out from surgery. I still ate a roast chicken dinner which I'd prepared in front of her.

Just fannied around with the food on my plate and feigned being overly full.

I think she was thrown more off the scent by my being able to consume a pint of Guinness. She'dve surely known (being an inquisitive ex nurse) something was wrong if whilst in the boozer, I'd not consumed my usual vessel of black gold!

I think you'll be fine. Just order a smaller portion, fanny about with it on your plate. Say you're on antibiotics and if anyone presses any further? Say you've had concerning levels of gastric reflux and your doctors are saying you have to be really careful how much you eat and the regularity with which you eat. That, in itself, would put most people off from suggesting restaurants where the food is exceptionally rich or creamy. It would also then be acceptable for you to order a starter and be good with it.

I use this all the time. I have already had my gallbladder out - but for those who don't know? That's the reason I give - but rarely have I had to deploy that excuse.

I just order a main, eat the bits I want (the Protein and a bit of salad/veg) and discard the rest. I rarely drink wine any more (gives me awful reflux), so if I drink alcohol now, it's generally well before I eat or well after.

Don't put life on hold. Go out and enjoy it!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I am really struggling with what on the surface seems like a superficial issue, and maybe it is. But I thought I'd ask for advice from those of you who are several months or even years out. I have decided to tell only a very small group of people about my sleeve - my family and 4 close friends from college who I trust completely and don't live in my town. However, my husband and I have a fairly active social life with friends in town and colleagues from work - people I would never want to to know about the Sleeve (for various reasons) - my story is going to be that I finally decided to get serious about my weight and am eating in a healthy way and exercising. Every single on of these people is healthy and fit, active exerciser, etc. However, our social life with these people revolves around food and drink. My plan is for my husband and I to lie low for awhile and not go out until I'm ready, and we are doing it, but to fall off the face of the earth socially is going to be really hard to sell. Here are some examples (there are many more):

1. We are going to a concert with 2 other couples 4 days before my surgery - this was a total brain lapse on my part when I said yes but it's Tom Petty, who my husband really wants to see (we're old )) so I can't cancel. We are renting a limo for transportation and going out to dinner first. I think I'm ok with the food part because I can order grilled fish and veggies for dinner, but I don't know how I"m going to explain why I'm not having champagne in the limo or wine with dinner - and I don't want to be a buzz kill for the group.

2. A couple that we see about 4 times a year for dinner has been asking us over the last few weeks when we can go out again. If we went, with this couple I would be comfortable getting fish/veggies and having only a couple sips of wine. But waiting 5 minutes between each bite would definitely be noticed. Our schedules are off until my surgery date, so at what point can we say yes to this kind of a dinner? I know they are hurt that we're blowing them off.

3. Another friend who we sometimes go away with for weekend trips with our kids wants to plan a fall weekend away -- it sounds great and fun but in order to do so without it being weird I would have to be ready to eat out every meal (again, I could eat small amounts but 5 minutes between bites, etc. would be noticed) and I would have to have a glass of wine at dinner.

I am just trying to get a handle on IF and WHEN these events could take place -- this is going to have a big effect on my husband as well and I just want to know what I'm getting into. If surgery is something I can't do without telling everyone, I really would like to know that now.

Thanks in advance!

Not sure where you get you have to wait 5 minutes between bites...... We were both sleeved and kept it to ourselves. At 6 weeks I went to lunch with a friend, and ordered a bisque for lunch, and grilled fish. Needless to say I could not finish the bisque or the Water and decided to take the fish home lol. I focused on fun and talking and food was not the point. We have similar social situations. Groups, dance/social club, dinners, neighbors and friends. We did this in Nov and Dec, and our story was we were dieting (true), and were not drinking (true). Everyone accepted this, and within 3-4 months could see our weight loss and were impressed. Now we go to the social dance club again, and skip the steak dinner and food events. We go out to eat with friends, and share a meal. My husband has taught me to accept this way of life and not give a rats patootie what anyone thinks. We have the neighbor get togethers and have Snacks that are lowfat, and nibble as they all know we were on this diet to get healthy. Your friends will be proud of you also and accept this, that you are not going back to your old ways. Somehow you will work this out. We did and it has not been a problem. We have traveled a lot, a 10-day car trip, and my husband lost 10 lbs! We were visiting relatives. We went on a cruise and ate sensibly. We are 8 months post surgery. Just go with the flow and you can do this. My best advice is just eat slowly and relax and have fun. My husband and I shared a reuben last night, minus the bread, and brought 1/2 of it home. If you plan events such as a small buffet type dinner at your home, you can flit around and no one will notice you are not stuffing yourself. We are going on pretty much the same as always now. Just eating a lot less food and motivated to keep these new bodies. Good luck!

[Bob2013 326]

It seems to me like the trouble your going through trying to hide the fact you had WLS is more trouble than coming out of the closet, Maybe re-examine your reasoning as to why you want to hide the fact you ad WLS.

Bob,

Clarification request ... are you saying you think there's something inappropriate about being in "the closet" about WLS?

No not at all. But when hiding the fact you had surgery is becoming more stressful than being open about it, it can be detrimental to your overall mental health, and possibly cause someone to make bad decisions just to keep it hidden. I never said it was inappropriate.

[Jersrose43 837]

I went out to dinner first time at 2 weeks post op

It was a Chinese restaraunt and I had won ton Soup - broth only. Entree was something with tofu and steamed and had a couple bites of that.

Went out again last night at 3.5 weeks post op. I ordered steamed fish and had no issues at all eating a few ounces.

You just have to be cognizant of where you are going. Stick to your eating plan. If they don't have what you can eat - call and ask if they can prepare something off menu if you ask.

If not you can suggest everyone pick another location that has what you can eat.

And honestly it is a lot easier when everyone at the table with us knew what surgery id had. I was so supported in my meal choices, my sticking to the program, and non judgements throughout the night. It felt great.

[beachgurl84 456]

ok, I haven't had my surgery yet (hopefully in about 3 months) but I have to throw in my two cents. First, I applaud your planning and thinking ahead about how this will change your life. I've heard of some that don't think this far in advance and it ends up having many negative impacts on their life. I will be telling only close friends and family (nobody at work). Many people in my family are overweight and if they see the results, maybe they'll consider lifestyle changes for themselves. If I could inspire my family to be healthier, this surgery will be successful not just for me, but for them as well. That being said, my active circle is not healthy and fit as you described yours so I understand your situation is different. My family functions tend to revolve around food because that's how we were raised. If somebody is visiting, we eat. If somebody gets married, we eat. Dies, travels, celebrates, etc., we eat. So not only do I want them to be healthier, I'll have a lot more explaining to do so I won't be able to hide it if I wanted to. Here are some suggestions that you may find useful though:

1) You said your social circle is fit and healthy and right now you're the odd ball for that. Perhaps you are over thinking how much importance they place on food during your gatherings. Isn't that the point of the surgery and lifestyle change? To take the importance away from food in your life? If they are fit and healthy, then I doubt they place as much significance on the meal. They are probably thinking more about the company and the activity with friends. Maybe that's what you should focus on. When you get together with friends, instead of planning a meal, why not suggest something new. A hike (maybe take along a picnic with healthy tidbits)?

2) Some people mentioned medication as an excuse. Since you are overweight (as we all are), you could tell your friends your doctor is concerned about diabetes and has put you on metformin as a preventative measure (completely legit, my doctor did it to me and I'm not diabetic). Not only can you not drink alcohol with metformin, but it also helps burn belly fat so that could explain weight loss (not a drastic amount, but some). This way you have a medication as an excuse without telling them you have some new disease or sickness you'll have to explain later.

3) As a last resort consider this.... Yes it's scary for all of us to consider the way our lives will change. What do we do with ourselves when we're not eating? But the point of this surgery is to be healthier. Are you willing to risk your health because of what your friends might think if you don't drink a glass of wine? Tell them your just trying to be healthier and that includes a bit of detox. Once they start seeing the results of your decision, they won't question or criticize (once you brush them off a time or two). They'll be happy and encouraging even if they don't know what they're encouraging. At least, if they're real friends they will. If they don't, then they're definitely not worth stressing over.

Edited July 20, 2014 by beachgurl84

[dlf23 9]

Rule # 1. You don't really have to explain your diet choices to anyone because it's none of their business.

Rule #2: People get rule #1 and won't make a big deal about what you eat, in part because they don't care.

These rules apply universally, unless you have been invited to dinner in someone's home and they have prepared the meal. It would not be civilized for you to accept an invitation to a seven course meal in someone's home only to call it quits after a bowl of broth. If someone does ask, just say you're on a restricted diet plan. Then let it go.

[par1959 470]

Explaining not drinking is easy. Did you know that one drink stops your weight loss for 3 days? In other words, you will stop ridding your body of fat for per week. A study done by the weight loss group suggests this. The reason in that alcohol stops the production of an enzime required to break down the fat cells. So, you can tell your friends about the parrelles of drinking and weight loss and that you are taking weight loss very seriously and will you do not want to slow your prograss donw by half for having a drink. You can flollow with, you will re-address sodial drinking after you have reached your goal weight.

[ElyQuint 446]

I'm a year out. I drank wine right up to surgery and waited about two months before picking it up again. When I did I failed to consider my reduced tolerance. Now a days I have a glass with dinner but it takes a good three hours to get through. I often Water it down so I don't make a spectacle.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have a very active social life and had some of the same concerns because I did not (and have not) broadcast my surgery. You'll be shocked at how little people notice the amount you eat or drink.

I see no reason to tell untruths. Just say you really aren't hungry or are are working with a nutritionist regarding your diet. As for the drink, you are a grown woman. If you don't want a glass of wine, simply smile and say no thank you. If anyone asks, just tell them you aren't up to having any and change the subject.

Fourteen months out and I've never had an issue.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Explaining not drinking is easy. Did you know that one drink stops your weight loss for 3 days? In other words, you will stop ridding your body of fat for per week.

I'll call malarkey on this. Living proof right here.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Explaining not drinking is easy. Did you know that one drink stops your weight loss for 3 days? In other words, you will stop ridding your body of fat for per week.

I'll call malarkey on this. Living proof right here.

Thank God LipstickLady! I read that post and said Noooooooooo! I hate to give up my wine! It is my source of fun.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Explaining not drinking is easy. Did you know that one drink stops your weight loss for 3 days? In other words, you will stop ridding your body of fat for per week.

I'll call malarkey on this. Living proof right here.

Thank God LipstickLady! I read that post and said Noooooooooo! I hate to give up my wine! It is my source of fun.

HELL TO THE WHAT?!!!

Only kidding. I'm an alcoholic (kidding-ish). For as low a BMI as I was to start, with PCOS, I've still shifted more than was expected of me...

................. Despite the grotesque alcohol consumption

Just be happy! I am!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Thank goodness for the humor and love here. It is a happy place I love to visit every day just to see Madame Rev and LipstickLady in action. It is 6:16 pm, and I just poured a glass of wine for medicinal purposes.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Thank goodness for the humor and love here. It is a happy place I love to visit every day just to see Madame Rev and LipstickLady in action. It is 6:16 pm, and I just poured a glass of wine for medicinal purposes.

And rightly so, Sista. Love you to pieces. (Oh and btw, my Floridian man says that's only right and proper. Hallelujah!')

From a Brit birds perspective - he likes to eat 'Gator. He has requested that you send him some! Muhahahaha! No, please do, it might shut him up!!!! xx