male only Life since VSG surgery Sept 2011

[GemiKniight75 10]

Sure I lost some weight. I think I was 461lb and almost three years later I am still 322lb. Stress. That's one. But let me tell you the crap I put myself in. I was married. Now I am divorced. Lost several jobs but got a new career. Fathered twin boys. Dated a long time friend. Proposed to said friend. She walked out of the engagement after 2 months. Kid's mother is being very strict on visitation. Cannot afford an attorney so I'm stuck on that for the time beiing. Have resorted to binge drinking since I can't gorge on food. I had to stop doing that when I passed out and woke up to realize I drank a half bottle of vodka. Depressed over not one, not two but THREE failed relationships since the surgery. Diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Paranoid Personality Disorder & anxiety. My doctor has prescibed an anti-depressant and a benzodiazepine. I've also spent 8 days in a lock-down psych facility. Lastly I contemplated suicide but couldn't leave my new twin boys fatherless.

I cannot stress the importance of maintaining a connection with a mental health professional for at least a year post surgery. Had I done that I would not be in the mess I am. I still have 60-70lb to lose. I live very meagerly due to child support (which I don't mind) and have an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend & an ex-fiancee. Add that to my physical and sexual abuse as a child and it's amazing I'm still standing upright.

At 39, I am trying to rebuild my life. SIngle while co-parenting is hard but doable. Trying to finish college to move up in the company. But the hard part I see is managing relationship dissolution. Of any kind. Be it parental, sibling, child, romantic or professional. A lot of us turned to food to comfort these times. Once we see that it's no longer an option, we look around for a crossover addiction. My "drugs" of choice were alcohol and sex. Let me be perfectly clear about andmy addictions:

Private sins almost always have public consequences.

Have a therapist and psych team ready post-surgery. The psych eval prior to the VSG is not enough. No one can say wht they will do post surgery until it actually happens.

Be safe people.

Edited July 18, 2014 by GemiKniight75

[Beckyyb93 225]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this but you are SO brave...I would be scared to death to be so honest with people but as I'm sure you know that's the first step in healing. Also, after all that you have been through you come to post to help other people..sounds like you are a pretty selfless guy. I wish things were different for you but it sounds like you are trying to move forward which is the only option since you can't go back and change anything. I hope you continue to stay so strong and beat this weight and this depression, it will take a lot of time but it is possible and I know you will feel so good once you accomplish getting healthy in all ways. I wish you tons of luck and hope you get a good medication regimen down and keep trudging along the long hard path of life, I feel pretty confident in saying it can only get better from here (knock on wood of course) but you've got this! Stick around and we will support you here

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Likewise--- I agree with @Beckyyb93 What courage! Being a parent, I think, does change one for the better. Please keep thinking of them and be careful about mixing alcohol with the other drugs you are taking! Lots of people have died from mixing the two.

What is your new career? How did you start on that path? Does it fulfill you?

Remember, you've lost 139 frick'in pounds man.... time to be PROUD!!!

[GemiKniight75 10]

My new career is Restaurant MAnager at Applebee's. I'm stll reeling from so much. I didn't mention that in 2012 my brother passed away....on my birthday. I don't Celebrate my birthday either.

[Beckyyb93 225]

My new career is Restaurant MAnager at Applebee's. I'm stll reeling from so much. I didn't mention that in 2012 my brother passed away....on my birthday. I don't Celebrate my birthday either.

You have been dealt quite the deck of cards, no wonder you are having trouble. I think most would have crumbled by now but you are still here and you still have lots to live for. Obviously you know that already otherwise you wouldn't be here talking to us trying to get better. Thank you for being so honest with all of us, people need to realize that WLS isn't all sunshine and roses there are real complications and real side effects that stick with you. I wish you luck in your healing journey, if you ever need someone to listen I'm here along with everyone else on BariatricPal so just reach out if you need to

EDIT: I re-read that part about WLS not being sunshine and roses and didn't like the way it was worded. I'm not trying to belittle the amount of hard work losing weight after WLS is, I meant that there are a lot of success stories and it's good for people deciding whether or not they want to have surgery to see that some people have a very bad experience with it and wish they could go back and undo it. The side effects and complications are just as important to talk/read about as the success stories so it's refreshing to hear someone say honestly that this surgery ruined their life. I have a similar thread in the complications of the VSG telling how I wish I could go back and undo it because it has turned my life upside down and not in a good way. So again, kudos to you for being so open, honest, and selfless by sharing your story with others...hopefully it will help new people see that there are consequences along with the benefits.

Edited July 19, 2014 by Beckyyb93

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Gee. And a half. Thanks for sharing all that about your post-surgery life (so far).

I am pre-surgery and expect my surgery will be done in August. I have passed the pretty rigorous psychiatric testing and evaluation. And then I immediately I put myself into counseling with a shrink. I expect to be in therapy for the next year and a half. Maybe longer.

I'm older than you and have a more stable life. But I'm not someone who thinks "those things cannot happen to me." I'm aware I'm walking into the lion's den. I would like to be able to get of that joint as soon as possible--preferably by knowing someone who has a passkey.

I hear you saying you're not quitting yet, by a long shot. It's that same desire to live a better life that sent you toward WLS. Me, too. I am pulling for you big-time. You seem like a regular-day hero to me. There are a lot of us around. Without us, the world might not work.

[Beckyyb93 225]

I edited the wording on the statement that WLS isn't always sunshine and roses because I think it could have been taken offensively and that isn't the way I meant it.

[Euroyen99 37]

Wow, it sounds like you are having a difficult time . I hope that your life settles down. Have you looked into a 12 step program?

Edited July 21, 2014 by Euroyen99

[Susan-031314 179]

As others have said, congrats on your weight loss journey so far!! I am certainly glad that you are getting the help needed. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but with your addictive personality, could you try to focus that on walking, running or working out? If that took hold, it might help increase weight loss, improve your mood with increased endorphins and also get you a little further away from your other triggers. I know it's nigh-eve, but it's a thought. Keep up the good work on you and the relationship thing will work itself out.

[kd5wzr 108]

Hang in there, man.