To tell people or not to tell

[operation_newme 11]

First and far most importantly I will say I did this for myself, no one else. When I first started thinking about getting the LapBand I only told my parents and my husband. Couldn’t have asked for a more supportive husband, my parents on the other hand were a little worried but once I explain things to them, they as always, supported my decision.

As things got more serious I told a few close friends. I was really shocked by their response “You don’t need that”, “Your not THAT heavy”, “You can lose the weight without it”. At this point I had already made up my mind. It might be hard hearing things like that from my friends, but at the end of the day people are entitled to their option, and people that care about you will let you know what they think. It was important for me that I set things clear with them though. I was not asking for permeation, or validation for my decision. I was only letting them know. I set things straight from the very first time. I explained why I had made the decision to change my life. I was lucky enough that people were able to understand where I was coming from and even if they didn’t think I needed it. They supported it because it was MY decision.

Now that my surgery is coming up in only 10 days! YIKES! I feel like I can be opened about my surgery. I don’t need to hide it, or be embarrassed because this is the life I have chose. A better life for me.

Put your head way high because many people still can’t take the step forward to bettering their lives and guess what.. YOU HAVE!! Learn to stand by your decition and be strong to does you love.

Remember: “BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DON’T MATTER, AND THOSE WHO MATTER DON’T MIND”

[jacileggs 402]

This pretty much sums up my experience also.

[fccm04 39]

The only person I told was my husband and my BFF. Truthfully the only reason I told my BFF is BC she's been through it so I knew she would understand. I simply didn't need ppl greeting into my head. I knew what I wanted to do and didn't want to hear any negativity. This will be forever my secret. I have always been the one to workout and go on these diets, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

[operation_newme 11]

The only person I told was my husband and my BFF. Truthfully the only reason I told my BFF is BC she's been through it so I knew she would understand. I simply didn't need ppl greeting into my head. I knew what I wanted to do and didn't want to hear any negativity. This will be forever my secret. I have always been the one to workout and go on these diets, so that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I respect that! I just probably have too much of a big mouth not to tell anyone. Lol. Plus I'm kinda proud. To each their own. Whatever keeps you motivate, whatever makes you happy.

[zoepoodle 64]

• I have not told many people about my upcoming surgery. My husband and my sister know. I just don't want everyone in my business. I'm not ashamed. Just a bit private. I know that sounds funny, as I am on this website and have joined discussion groups, but it feels different here. I suppose I may change my mind and let more people know the closer I get to surgery.

[mi75 1,235]

i DID tell some of my co-workers, a thing that could not be avoided due to job coverage. some were super supportive. then there were the others...(insert their snark here)...

i had the sleeve which generally shows fairly fast results. now that i'm post op, i will not lie about it, but i'm not shouting from the rooftops. i too did this for ME and it is my journey.

in hindsight, i wish i had not told the ones that i had. do what is right for you. good luck!

[Sharpie 3,306]

Once I made my decision I told my husband , daughter and best friend. After I had my surgery and was noticeably getting thinner, when anyone asked me I told them the truth.. believe in being truthful and did not want it to come back and bite me. I also wanted others who suffer from obesity to know there is hope. There are several people who need to do something about their health and obesity and I hope my success will encourage them to make a choice . Everyone has opinions and some express them others do not. It doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks, I know it was the best thing I ever did for myself and I will hopefully have a longer and happier life as a result. p.s. I was 198.8 lbs when I went to surgery. Even the nurse who took me into surgery said "Wow you don't look like you need surgery to lose weight". I said well I know I have diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure so I'm pretty sure I need it.

[operation_newme 11]

Each person is different. Tell no one, tell everyone. It doesn't matter as long as it's what you want to do. At the end of the day this was just the way it kind went in my head(if that makes sense). Just a rant about my personal experience with trying to figure out what I would do.

[joatsaint 2,814]

The main reason I did not tell anyone about my surgery, pre-op, was that I had made up my mind and committed myself to following through. But I didn't need anyone second guessing my decision and possibly making me doubt my decision.

[Jersrose43 837]

I told everyone at work. Got the same comments as you. Not fat. You can do excercise you can blah blah blah

My hubby "checked in" on Facebook at the hospital so the night of surgery I said f it. I post a long post about it and told naysayers to stuff it in advance.

I was shocked how many of my FB friends private messages me to tell me they had had a lap band or sleeve or bypass. They're keeping it to themselves and that's fine and great.

One person on FB posted a response thanking me for coming out and asked why I did.

I responded that 2 years ago I saw an FB friend I hadn't seen in 20 years. Back then she was a nice round blueberry and 300 plus pounds.

The new her was 120 and still losing. I asked her what she had done and she told me the sleeve. She was upfront honest and his nothing. She told me of her struggle.

She made a difference. And my honesty is making a difference to a coworker.

I hide nothing. Open book.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I was open about it but did'nt shout it from the rooftops. I got nothing but positive comments and normal , healthy questions about it. Zoepoodle, Im a very private person too, so the fact that I share info here with complete strangers is surprising for me too !! But I have an odd schedule ( retail), so I find that I lean towards things that are safe, solid, routine and reliable. This forum is all that ! Just sayin' !

[labwalker 1,177]

I've have had family members comment about WLS. It generally goes something like this 'I'd never go that route..." or some other negative connotation concerning the use of surgery to correct an obesity problem.

When I decided on WLS, and it was a hard and personal decision, I decided that I didn't want all of my "inlaw" side of the family to know that I was undergoing surgery.

There were several reasons..... first, if I failed, they would be the first to say "I told you so..." or that I could have had better results by dieting and watching what I eat. To be honest, for the past ten years I have been very careful about what I eat. My bi-yearly lab results show that I have lowered my cholesterol from a 260 total to under 130 total, for the twenty lab tests over the past ten years. My doctor said I must be eating like a rabbit.... but none-the-less, I could NOT lose weight based on a cholesterol free diet plan. Those pesky carbs kept creeping into my diet, no matter how good the lab numbers looked.

On the other hand, if you succeed with WLS, there will always be a few who will comment, or think, that you could have done this "on your own" by keeping you mouth shut and eating intelligently. Only folks who have dieted and failed, and folks who have undergone WLS, really understand what motivated us to undertake elective surgery, with all of the risks that we face, in order to enjoy a happier, comfortable, and more productive lifestyle. I am sure it was a not easy out for any of us, and my doctor warned that any elective surgery carried the risks of dangerous complications or risks.

Sure, I feel comfortable sharing my story on here, because most of you are "family," and have undergone the same emotion roller coaster ride of dieting, losing and gaining, and then finally deciding that risking you lives for WLS was worth the chance of success, and for a better life... anyone who hasn't been faced with those life changing changing decisions, or those who never faced weight problems, will really never understand what we have gone through. This is something that many family members, or close friends, will never appreciate. And, many will be judgmental, which will only lead to a loss of our self esteem and value. If you have friends or relatives who are supportive, appreciate them... they are the ones who are there for YOU and who will help you through the bad times. Avoid the naysayers and so called friends who exude negative vibes and who don't support you. You did this for yourself, and no one else. You only answer to yourself, and no one else.

I consider posters on these forums to be my band family. Many have had health issues with the band or other surgeries, but we are all still brothers under the skin--which is hopefully loose and need of tightening by now--LOL!

[zoepoodle 64]

I've have had family members comment about WLS. It generally goes something like this 'I'd never go that route..." or some other negative connotation concerning the use of surgery to correct an obesity problem. When I decided on WLS, and it was a hard and personal decision, I decided that I didn't want all of my "inlaw" side of the family to know that I was undergoing surgery. There were several reasons..... first, if I failed, they would be the first to say "I told you so..." or that I could have had better results by dieting and watching what I eat. To be honest, for the past ten years I have been very careful about what I eat. My bi-yearly lab results show that I have lowered my cholesterol from a 260 total to under 130 total, for the twenty lab tests over the past ten years. My doctor said I must be eating like a rabbit.... but none-the-less, I could NOT lose weight based on a cholesterol free diet plan. Those pesky carbs kept creeping into my diet, no matter how good the lab numbers looked. On the other hand, if you succeed with WLS, there will always be a few who will comment, or think, that you could have done this "on your own" by keeping you mouth shut and eating intelligently. Only folks who have dieted and failed, and folks who have undergone WLS, really understand what motivated us to undertake elective surgery, with all of the risks that we face, in order to enjoy a happier, comfortable, and more productive lifestyle. I am sure it was a not easy out for any of us, and my doctor warned that any elective surgery carried the risks of dangerous complications or risks. Sure, I feel comfortable sharing my story on here, because most of you are "family," and have undergone the same emotion roller coaster ride of dieting, losing and gaining, and then finally deciding that risking you lives for WLS was worth the chance of success, and for a better life... anyone who hasn't been faced with those life changing changing decisions, or those who never faced weight problems, will really never understand what we have gone through. This is something that many family members, or close friends, will never appreciate. And, many will be judgmental, which will only lead to a loss of our self esteem and value. If you have friends or relatives who are supportive, appreciate them... they are the ones who are there for YOU and who will help you through the bad times. Avoid the naysayers and so called friends who exude negative vibes and who don't support you. You did this for yourself, and no one else. You only answer to yourself, and no one else. I consider posters on these forums to be my band family. Many have had health issues with the band or other surgeries, but we are all still brothers under the skin--which is hopefully loose and need of tightening by now--LOL!

EXACTLY!

[UrsulasShadow 59]

I have recently made the decision to go ahead with the RNY surgery, and was going to tell no one but my partner. But I didn't think that was fair to my daughter , so I told her (she is surprisingly supportive about it). My son is in the Army, and will be coming home soon. I will tell him then. My children love me, and will support me. I just didn't want to worry them, but they'd be pissed if I went under the knife without them knowing.

However, the one person I shouldn't have told, and I KNEW I shouldn't have told, but did anyway, was my mother. My relationship with her has always been rocky, and she has always been hypercritical of me and my father's "fat family", so I knew what I was going to get. And I got it, in spades. All the voices in my head are now clamoring about how I'm weak, this is what lazy people do, if I just tried I could have lost the weight on my own. I'm 53...if I could have done it, it would have happened already. And even though I haven't been obese all my life, I've always felt obese. So I've made my path just a little more challenging by sharing with the wrong person.

So, anyway, that's my rant. I have to get her lousy voice out of my head now, and do what I need to do to get healthy.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@MindyP If God hadn't given us mothers, we'd never need therapy! And, as a mom, I know my kids will be sitting on a therapist's couch talking about me some day, too!

I didn't tell my mom before surgery because I knew she would fret over it so much and tell me the story of the 2 people in their church that had surgery, lost weight, got divorced and gained it all back. And any other negative story she could think of. She knew I was having the hiatal hernia fixed and I planned to tell her about the bypass the night before but my dad had just gotten out of the hospital after a 10 day stay that morning and when I called to tell her, she talked about my dad a lot and was in a hurry to get off the phone. So, here I am 5 weeks out and I still haven't told her. I still plan to -- just haven't yet.

Try to focus on the reasons why you want the surgery and what you hope to get out of it and maybe that will help calm mom's voice. You haven't gone into this without thought -- focus on your own reasons and tell mom to be quiet (in your head of course!)

Best wishes!

Ginger