Denial and Self Awareness

[Thin 2 Win 1]

Hello, I am in the process of meeting my ins requirements for the Sleeve procedure. Many unexpected feelings have emerged that I didn't expect and I wondered if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

I have come to the realization than I am not just overweight but fat. I have long lived in a place where I never fully allowed myself to see me how others see me. Going through this process has forced me to admit just where I am with my weight and the reality of being obese. Now that I have come to accept these realizations, I find that I am having very negative self talk and I hate the way I look. I guess before I just lived in lala land and chose to not see reality but now that I have, I am disgusted.

I am in the first month of a six month weight management class and because I am right at the 40bmi I am afraid to lose any weight. This is making me feel even more depressed cause I just hate how I look.

Thank you all for contributing to this great forum. I have read hundreds of these threads to gather information and feel so thankful there is somewhere to turn.

T

[sweetie716 270]

Hey T2W! I totally get what you mean. I think I do the same thing, where I see something better than what other people see. Once in a while I get a glimpse of reality and I feel like crap about my body.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, but I'm kind of glad (?) or maybe thankful that I don't stay down on myself for long. I'm coming up to my 4th pre-op appointment, and I've been making really great strides in both how I eat and how much activity I'm getting in each day. I see little changes in my body and feel happy and I love feeling stronger when I get my exercise in. I had a down/depressing body day just several days ago, and I could see it reflected in my MFP food log (thankfully not too bad)- the thing that got me there was taking "before" photos and seeing that reality, lol.

Maybe seeing ourselves kindly is not the worst thing in the world, because I know I do better in more ways than one when I can just not worry myself over it. I am where I am now, and I'm on the right path to improve the situation. I just hope I can really and truly feel great about my body when I do get there

I hope that you will feel better soon!