I need a real lapband friend

[mandie175lbs 5]

Hello Guys... I am here... all alone and trying to pick myself up."I have fallen and I can get up" That phrase has a new meaning to me and I am so MAD at myself for getting here.

Yesterday, was a hard day for me...I had to take the walk into a plus size store for clothing. This is actually one of my favotite stores... It was certainly there when I needed it before the surgery. I visit this store alot, but I haven't been there to purchase clothes for myself since the lapband surgery. I would go just to purchase accessories and look at all the beautiful fashion for plus size women. I felt so low and so ashamed of what I had done to get back to shopping for clothes in this store. As I was walking through the store, it took everything in me not to just break down in tears. When I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed some clothes off the shelf and rushed into the dressing room to let some of the tears out... I seriously couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Once I let some of the tears out and got myself together enough to contine shopping. As I walked around the store to try and find something to wear for this coming up Friday's event, I got overwhelmed again, this time it was at the thought that I couldn't find anything to wear. It just seemed like there were wall to wall clothes there but there wasn't anything there for me... well, in my size. I decided to leave the store so that I could cry in my car. I just wanted to cry guys! When I got to my car, I cried so hard that I got an headache from it all. I started telling myself that I didn't deserve any new clothes and that I needed to take my fat, weak a#! home and stand in the mirror until I couldn't stand there anymore. I felt like kicking my own a#! for being so easy and so greedy to food and letting it take over my life!

Right now guys, I hate myself and I feel that I don't deserve to have any friends, clothes or food! I am mad at the world for... I don't know what for... all I know is that I am mad, fat and stupid for paying all this money for the surgery to only eat Bojanols combo meals w/ sweet tea, loads of chocolate and butter pecan ice cream everyday.

I need help guys. I need whatever help that any of you can offer. I know I don't deserve it and I know I did this to myself, but I need it like I need my next breath. I need a friend, a buddy, someone that won't tell me just what I want to hear, but someone who will tell me what I need to hear. I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me that I need to get my a#! up and and exercise! All i'm saying is that I can sugar-coat words to myself and I can tell myself lies (which is what I've been doing) I need someone who is forceful and would be committed to hanging in there with me for the long haul and I will do the same for you. I want to make a pack with someone and hopefully one day we will meet as long lost friends and we will both be in shape and living a healthy life. I'm looking for a life-long friend and motivator. I want to be able to skype or send pictures and really be each others lifeline when it comes to this band. I don't care if you are a man or woman, black or white or other, young or old, tall or short, need to lose 20lbs or 200+lbs, gay, straight or other or neither... all I'm saying is that I want someone who is real and who wants that same push that I so desparately need. I am a good motivator when it comes to motavating someone else! lol! I will only tell you the truth and I will promise to stay connected. We will send progress pictures to each other and hold each other accountable. I will watch your weight as if it was affecting me! lol! I just want to team up with someone who is ready to change and someone who is ready to be honest with themselves and honest with me. So... are you out there? If so, let's be friends and help each other through this. We can do it together.

I'm not the best speller (i'm not ignorant by any means) but I couldn't find the spellchecker and I got tired of looking for it, so please excuse all misspelled words and punctuations. Is misspelled one "s" or two? I'm terrible at it guys and to make matters worst, I am an Administrative Assistant! lol

[queenie47 45]

Hey stop beating yourself up!! There are enough people in the world that will do that for you!! You have to be your own best friend! Your own cheerleader! Change your self talk! Think about all of life challenges that you have accomplished. Weight is just 1 part of you it does not define ALL of you!!! You deserve to everything you want in life!! GO OUT AND GET IT and dont let anything stop you! You have made a great decision for yourself already and you just need to work it! YOU GOT THIS!!!

[mandie175lbs 5]

Thanks queenie, and you are right. I'm stronger than this... I don't know where or how I'm going to start, but I have to start and I have to start today. I think if I post a before photo for the world to see just what I've done to myself and then I make myself look at it everyday, then maybe I'll think twice about my actions when it comes to eating... I'm going to pick myself up and give this band another try starting today. I have to make this band my best friend or it will work against me.

[mandie175lbs 5]

How do I set up my ticker?

[terrydumont46 1,954]

I believe the first step in getting back on this journey is to see your doctor and nutritionist. having a fill will remind you everytime you put something in your mouth that there is a tool inside you helping. if you can eat a full meal like you describe you need a fill. and start walking. cost nothing and you can do it anywhere. just move. I can't exercise like most of the folks here due to all of my injuries but I did put a pedometer on just to make sure I am moving throughout the day. I log in 10,000 to 12,000 movements a day. don't dream ahead until you have some band restriction and are moving everyday. take everyday one day at a time. when you go to sleep and think about your day don't have any regret's. I wish you lots of will power

[Cindysmom (Ilene) 130]

Oh my, are you asking for a friend to Skype with? I have Skype. I lost 96 lbs and have gained about 25 lbs. but this isn't about just you or me, do you want it to be about us? My email is lizybird@aol.com. Please if u want email me. And we will talk. I live in south Florida. I have the band for over 4 years. I want to help us. Ilene

[mandie175lbs 5]

Thank you guys for reaching out to me. I made the first step by calling my doctor's office and signing a consent to have another doctor take a look at my band. It seems that everytime I go in to have my band adjusted, they come up with a different number as far as how much Fluid is in my band. I want a second opinion because I need to know why this number keeps changing and why I am able to eat and eat and eat without any restrictions. Thanks Terry for that suggestion. I guess I had given up on this band. This is a perfect place to start. Cindy, you have had the band 4 years, have you had any complications? Are any of you guys able to eat a combo meal (sandwhich, fries and ice tea and then have dessert all in one setting? Are you able to eat biscuits? I once had restriction and it was impossible for me to eat large amounts of food and when I tried to clean a plate, I paid for it dearly. I got down to a size 12 and weight 170lbs. I don't know what happen, but one day I started eating and didn't stop. I am soooo looking for this doctor's appointment. Thank you guys for showing me a little love. I will post a picture soon. Thank you guys.

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

Ok ... You are at the right place first off! All of us (either before or after surgery) have had these same feelings! Don't be embarrassed for the way you feel buying new clothes!

You need to start right now - not tomorrow or the next day - right now! Make the appt with your doctor/ nutritionist. Go to the store - buy yourself: egg whites, fresh veggies, grilled chicken, some easy Protein that is easy and quick for you. Start drinking Water. Take some walks. Do this until you can get to the doctor. I'll bet you need a fill.

You have a food addiction, just like I do. I was 5'6and 250 pds before I started this journey. I have failed sometimes too. I have lost 65 pounds to date. I do my best most days, but sometimes I backslide. You are human! You are going to be ok .., shake yourself off, stand tall wipe those tears, and just do your best! Stay away from your weaknesses in food! Don't even try a little bit - you have to eliminate your food weaknesses. If it's Cheetos, fried chicken, French fries, sweet tea or whatever - you can't bring them to your house or on your plate. You just can't. There are some things that I cannot even look at or smell (I'm serious)- Pasta, pizza, sweets - I can't even!

We are all here for you ... You all are here for me too! Next month I could be writing for support, just like you or anyone else on here

[mandie175lbs 5]

Yes Jami! I have to try my hardest to stay away from chocolate. I rather have junk food than to have a nutritious meal. I eat out everyday 3 times a day. Eating out wasn't a problem for me before. Well, that was before... and this is now. I have to change this and get this weight under control. You are so right, I have to stop purchasing the foods that I can't stop eating. I have never had a problem overeating fruits and vegetables. lol!

I just want to say thank you guys... I mean, I was feeling some kind of way yesterday and now I feel so hopeful and I feel that I am among friends. We can help each other thorough this. Thanks for answering my desperate
call. I'm getting back on track and it feels so good! I even declined luch with the girls today and I am packing my luch for the remainder of the week!

[AmandaAR 4]

Hey, Mandie! From one Mandy to another, I just want to let you know that I've been exactly where you are/have been and needed a swift kick to get me back on track. I would be honored if you wanted to be accountability partners. Let me know...We can do this!

[terrydumont46 1,954]

once you are adjusted properly you won't be able to eat a meal at mcdonalds or anywhere. when I have to eat out I try to eat healthy choosing grilled chicken or chili but if I eat more than half of a sandwich I suffer. you will get there too. please try and cook your meals at home where you have control. and when you are out always carry a Protein Bar or string cheese or the makings of a Protein Shake. the other day I was out and I wanted ice for my vanilla Protein and orange crystal lite so I went into mc donalds and used their ice machine. I was a bit embarrassed but a girl has to do what she can. no one paid any attention to me. the food when you have proper fill doesn't appeal as much. I hate getting stuck or pb in public. please take control, you are the one that decides what you are eating and not.

[nerms 237]

Maybe you can get cocoa powder and mix it with greek yoghurt and some splenda? It gives you the chocolate taste but without all the calories, and there's heaps of Protein in it too! (to kick the choc cravings)