livvsmum 2,369 Posted July 7, 2014 So a little background on me first. I was sleeved on 9/12/13 and have lost 130 pounds so far. I am 3 pounds away from goal, and starting to think...now what? Who am I now? A lot of time I still feel like I am 280 pounds. Anyway, these questions already floating around in my head provide the back drop for this discussion..... So when we "went home" for a visit over the holiday weekend we had dinner with some friends I haven't seen since my weight loss. We kind of got into a debate over whether change is actually possible, or if it is only a matter of time until you revert to who you really are. They argued that my weight loss is because of the surgery and not because of any change of behavior that I have made and that it is only a matter of time until I revert to the "real me". I thought this was a really defeatist and depressing way to think. If this were true, then learning is not possible and we are static beings, right? I learned ways to take care of myself, and now I do those things. But deep down I'm thinking, are they right? Is it only a matter of time? Because these are the fears that I"m struggling with now that I am near/at goal weight..... Thoughts? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mi75 1,236 Posted July 7, 2014 i truly think change is possible. absolutely. no question about it. just deciding to have surgery is resetting our entire mindset about who we are. i know that each one of us is capable. however, we are all still human. we are bound to make decisions that are less than stellar. We are probably all going to eventually revert back to one or two of our bad habits. however, when you look at who you were prior to surgery, i'm pretty sure it wasn't just one or two, or even three bad habits that got you to where you were. i know for ME, it was dozens of bad decisions every day, from WHAT i ate, to HOW MUCH, to choosing not to exercise, choosing to drink a gallon of regular pop every day, always going for the most fat laden choices, choosing to go to buffets over getting some healthier chinese option or sushi, choosing to eat out lunch EVERY day and making it a big ole celebration. choosing to quit weight watchers multiple times. choosing to quit eating well when i started trying to. ok, so maybe the doubters in our lives have a small point. maybe some of our behaviors that we have adopted will lessen in the long run, but i know personally, i won't be reverting back to all of the behaviors i had before. having support here is a huge help and when those weak moments hit, i'll be running here for support! 4 livvsmum, Patricia Tate Johnson, BeagleLover and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BeagleLover 1,020 Posted July 7, 2014 What a load of ignorant B.S.! You have chosen to be healthier and could NOT have gotten down to goal weight without a considerable amount of tenacity and effort! THAT is "who you are"! Personally, I think they are jealous!!! 6 sweetie716, msfitn2014, able2cope and 3 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livvsmum 2,369 Posted July 7, 2014 i truly think change is possible. absolutely. no question about it. just deciding to have surgery is resetting our entire mindset about who we are. i know that each one of us is capable. however, we are all still human. we are bound to make decisions that are less than stellar. We are probably all going to eventually revert back to one or two of our bad habits. however, when you look at who you were prior to surgery, i'm pretty sure it wasn't just one or two, or even three bad habits that got you to where you were. i know for ME, it was dozens of bad decisions every day, from WHAT i ate, to HOW MUCH, to choosing not to exercise, choosing to drink a gallon of regular pop every day, always going for the most fat laden choices, choosing to go to buffets over getting some healthier chinese option or sushi, choosing to eat out lunch EVERY day and making it a big ole celebration. choosing to quit weight watchers multiple times. choosing to quit eating well when i started trying to. ok, so maybe the doubters in our lives have a small point. maybe some of our behaviors that we have adopted will lessen in the long run, but i know personally, i won't be reverting back to all of the behaviors i had before. having support here is a huge help and when those weak moments hit, i'll be running here for support! You make an excellent point. Just for kicks last week I calculated out the nutritional facts of a "day in the life" of the old me pre-surgery and put that side-by-side with a day in the life of the new me. There's no way I will ever just wake up one morning to realize that I'm eating nearly 4,000 calories a day and hundreds and hundreds of carbs, etc. It took work to get that abusive to ourselves with food! 3 BeagleLover, naenaern777 and VSGAnn2014 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livvsmum 2,369 Posted July 7, 2014 What a load of ignorant B.S.! You have chosen to be healthier and could NOT have gotten down to goal weight without a considerable amount of tenacity and effort! THAT is "who you are"! Personally, I think they are jealous!!! Thank you! I think sometimes when it comes from people who have known you forever and know who you really are, it's hard to wrap your head around the fact that maybe, just maybe, they don't know you at all! 7 VSGAnn2014, Kindle, BeagleLover and 4 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Forsythia 882 Posted July 7, 2014 So much haterade from your "friends". Why are you hanging out with these people again? Negative influences should be eliminated or at the very least limited. 5 Kindle, BeagleLover, livvsmum and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffnomore 1,235 Posted July 7, 2014 If change were not possible, not a single one of us on this planet would have any reason to adopt or replace any positive habits. Yes, I have a sleeve. I can still choose to sit on my couch and eat ice cream all day long. I was having this discussion with two other sleevers about accelerating weight loss by either ramping up the cardio and eliminating weight lifting, or doing a 12-week on, 12-week off program with heavy weight lifting (I do CrossFit now.) At the end of a long debate about what would work better, we all had to laugh. This would have been a non-conversation a year ago. It would have been, "Hm, wonder if I should have a third margarita with my quesadilla." 9 livvsmum, Dreamingofhealth, JLynn14 and 6 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livvsmum 2,369 Posted July 7, 2014 (edited) If change were not possible, not a single one of us on this planet would have any reason to adopt or replace any positive habits. Yes, I have a sleeve. I can still choose to sit on my couch and eat ice cream all day long. I was having this discussion with two other sleevers about accelerating weight loss by either ramping up the cardio and eliminating weight lifting, or doing a 12-week on, 12-week off program with heavy weight lifting (I do CrossFit now.) At the end of a long debate about what would work better, we all had to laugh. This would have been a non-conversation a year ago. It would have been, "Hm, wonder if I should have a third margarita with my quesadilla." I think that is what a lot of people don't understand. Sure, surgery gave me an awesome tool to accelerate weight loss, but it is still totally possible to binge eat, and eat complete junk..... Being and remaining successful and healthy requires a change of behavior, not just a change in size of stomach. And last time I checked, it wasn't my sleeve that was getting me up at 5am to go train for a marathon...you know? lol Edited July 7, 2014 by livvsmum 7 Patricia Tate Johnson, Dreamingofhealth, Texasmeg and 4 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joatsaint 2,814 Posted July 7, 2014 If they were truly your fiends, they would have supported your reasons for having WLS. You need to cut those people out of your life. It's takes less effort for them to try to bring you down and say, "See she couldn't do it either!" And use that as an excuse for their failures in life rather than try to improve themselves (whether it be weight loss, education, a better job, getting out of a bad relationship...) You have to learn to shake those people off and do what's best for yourself. 2 BeagleLover and livvsmum reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffnomore 1,235 Posted July 7, 2014 Right, that old quote about insanity, doing the same thing and expecting different results, is so true. But very few of us (especially really successful WLS patients) are actually doing the same things we were prior to surgery. You can only meet people (or choose not to meet them) where they are. You need to just "do you" and they'll come along or not. This is your new normal and it doesn't really matter. After you've been at goal and running for 5 years, no one is going to remember you doing anything differently. 2 livvsmum and BeagleLover reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Texasmeg 568 Posted July 7, 2014 Even before the surgery, were you the same person as a few years ago? I doubt it - we are always changing - this is just a more obvious and deliberate change. Of course change is possible - it happens all the time! 3 NYCkindofgirl, livvsmum and BeagleLover reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sophie'sChoice 269 Posted July 8, 2014 Livvsmum, what makes them think the way you are NOW isn't the REAL you? Don't let them bring doubt into your world. You rock! 2 NYCkindofgirl and Texasmeg reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livvsmum 2,369 Posted July 8, 2014 Livvsmum, what makes them think the way you are NOW isn't the REAL you? Don't let them bring doubt into your world. You rock! You know, someone else asked me this same question and it really gave me pause. Thanks for reminding me that I am the me I am now! I have no idea why I feel like the "real" me is not thin. I guess that is what I need to figure out. :-) 1 sophie'sChoice reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffnomore 1,235 Posted July 8, 2014 When you figure that out, let the rest of us know the secret. 1 livvsmum reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kindle 8,667 Posted July 8, 2014 I always thought of myself as a thin, fit, strong person trapped under 100 pounds of fat. So this surgery has helped the real me finally show through. Are your "friends"doing the exact same things and feel the exact same way as they did 10 - 20 years ago? If they can't truly say that then they are mean hypocrites by telling you it's not possible. Tell your "friends" to GFT and go find some more evolved people to hang out with 1 livvsmum reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
