Eating out with friend for the first time

[knitlil09 91]

So I'm going out to dinner for the first time since surgery with a friend. She doesn't know about the surgery and I'm not planning on telling her. I'm a little nervous that she's going to notice my eating, but I guess I have to get used to that, right?

Wish me luck!

[SnohoGal98296 371]

I do think she will notice - just this past weekend at a 4th of July BBQ, someone hollered out, "That better not be your plate!" as I exited the buffet line, I had my packet steamed fish (which I brought with me) and some well cooked broccoli. The guy who said it is a nice guy who doesn't know I had surgery, I just replied "this is my first round", and he didn't say anything the rest of the night. Don't know if he just stopped noticing or if someone told him about my situation. It was a friendly jest, nothing more, and that is how I took it.

If you don't feel comfortable explaining your small portions to your friend, just say that you are not feeling it or it's too hot eat or something and put the rest of your meal in a doggy bag. I have found that as I tell more people I get more questions but no negative remarks. It is funny the skinny ones are more positive than the heavy ones though! I have only had one person say "I know 5 people who died from that!!" and that is my overly dramatic sister! She came around though whne she realized that I wan't going to change my mind.

Edited July 7, 2014 by SnohoGal98296

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I've gone out to eat 2-3 times since surgery 4 weeks ago. I ordered an add-on patty with my son's burger at Red Robin. At a diner I had scrambled eggs and turkey sausage (ate very little put the rest in a baggie). And yesterday, at Chipotle, I ordered one of their tacos with steak and Beans only and didn't eat the tortilla (and broke even that small amount of steak and Beans into two meals).

Since you are not far out from surgery, you will be eating a noticeably different amount of food than your friend. Is there some reason you don't want to tell her? I didn't tell a lot of people beforehand but I do now because I just didn't want to hear the negative talk before. Nobody has been negative so far except to say "I didn't know you were big enough to qualify".

If she's a good friend I'd suggest thinking about telling her. If not so much, you might just say you're not feeling that hungry or just order and appetizer and pick around on it a lot so it looks like you're eating.

Best wishes!

[maxcimax 220]

I didn't say much to anyone before surgery because I didn't want to hear any negative crap that people only heard about. I did a lot of research before I decided on surgery. Now I tell everyone & have had great support. We need all the support we can get. You will take a lot of stress off yourself if you just tell someone about your sleeve when they ask. You don't have to tell anyone unless they ask. Good luck with your friend & dinner. Enjoy.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I believe this is ultimately one of those non-issues that we build up to be a huge deal in our minds. Yes, I mean, if your main activity with someone was overeating together, that can be hard. But I eat out frequently with friends and family. The further along you get, the easier it is to make it "look" like you're eating a lot, if that's what you wish to do. But after the first month or two when I had added other foods back, I stopped really worrying about it. I almost always get a to-go box, and eat half of my food or less. I was always surprised when if someone questioned me and I said a variation on, "Not hungry any more" or 'That doesn't agree with me" that they accepted it and moved on. I'd say this would be after about 4 months; that period of moving into solid foods was more obvious.

At 8 months, I get questioned very little. On the other hand, I don't make a big deal of what I am or am not "allowed" to eat, of how much I "can" eat, or anything either. It is amazing to realize that I don't really have to worry about someone else's expectation of what I will do, whether that is drinking (or not drinking) a glass of wine, ordering dessert, or whatever. I know others have had the opposite experience; I'm just wary of assuming people are reacting to me one way or another.

[MammaMac 41]

I went out with two other couples and my husband (my husband is the only one who knows). I are slowly and talked a lot and when I was done, I just passed my plate to the waiter while everyone else was chatting away.

It's harder with just one person because they can tell. My sister got on me about not eating... It's weird how I now look at what I eat as being a normal portion and everyone else eats a LOT.

My advice? Order something like a big mixed salad. Then you can eat the Protein bits out, some veggies and move the rest around on your plate while you chat. Then pass your plate to the waiter when he comes to ask how you're doing. If she isn't paying attention, it'll be too late to see how much is left on your plate.

-MM

[mi75 1,235]

great advice! i can't WAIT to go out to eat again. i'm only 14 days out...

i would also offer up the suggestion of ordering something small, like a shrimp cocktail and some cole slaw, or something from the appetizer menu...you can always just say "i'm trying to eat well" or something like that. surgery doesn't need to come into the conversation. after all, you ARE trying to eat well!

[blessedandfavored 25]

Tell people the truth. Tell them..."My new lifestyle requires that I limit the amount of food I eat at one setting. Portion Control really works and I plan to continue until I reach my goal. I have lost 20+ lbs by making healthier choices and limiting my intake. At home I weigh my food. Here I'm just going to bag this up and eat it later."

I have even said "I was really hungry so I ate a little beforehand and it has really affect my taste buds plus I came to socialize with you."

Is it rude to eat before your guest arrive? Well, I do. (My friends doesn't seem to mind.)

I even arrived a few minutes late and tell my guest to start without me. "I don't want you waiting on me so I will bag this up."

If all fails tell them "I'm on a appetite suppress." OTC is somehow more acceptable than wls.

Don't stress yourself! It's your life! Be happy!

Edited July 7, 2014 by blessedandfavored

[lsuchick4 54]

Most people don't notice. They are too wrapped up in their own stuff to notice.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

So I'm going out to dinner for the first time since surgery with a friend. She doesn't know about the surgery and I'm not planning on telling her. I'm a little nervous that she's going to notice my eating, but I guess I have to get used to that, right?

Wish me luck!

I did this about 6 weeks post op, brunch with a friend who also did not know I had the sleeve, and I had a cup of seafood bisque. I remember being nervous, and I could not eat it all, just said I am just not very hungry. The friend barely noticed, and now it is a distant memory and we had a great time.

[knitlil09 91]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! Going tomorrow and hopefully she won't notice, and if so I'll just tell her I'm not that hungry.

She's a really good friend but one of those girls who's hopelessly skinny and would never know anything about having a problem with her weight. She's part of a large group of friends I hang out with, and I really don't want it to become the news of the group, and have to answer a bunch of questions etc. not that I think she'd tell on purpose, but things can slip out. The only people who know are my family, my brothers girlfriend, and my best friend. I'm just a really private person and am not comfortable with people knowing.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! Going tomorrow and hopefully she won't notice, and if so I'll just tell her I'm not that hungry.

She's a really good friend but one of those girls who's hopelessly skinny and would never know anything about having a problem with her weight. She's part of a large group of friends I hang out with, and I really don't want it to become the news of the group, and have to answer a bunch of questions etc. not that I think she'd tell on purpose, but things can slip out. The only people who know are my family, my brothers girlfriend, and my best friend. I'm just a really private person and am not comfortable with people knowing.

Three people beside me and my husband know we were sleeved and it will stay that way because my husband requested it. I am glad because I talk too much. Now I am bound by a promise to him plus I have learned to enjoy not having to discuss my surgery with friends, neighbors and family.

[Tammylb 174]

Had the same issue . I made the comment to her that wasn't hungry that day. I was only 6 weeks put at time . Then I chose to go to a place that had Soup and loaded potatoes . She doesn't know I had the sleeve

[hrhlaurie 185]

I've been out to eat several times and the one person who notices how much I eat is my wait staff! My husband says when we go out and I order a side of refried Beans or baked chicken wings or whatever, and then only eat some of my food, they always ask if it was OK, did I want something else, take it to go... the wait staff thinks I don't like their food!

All of my friends know about the surgery because it is helping me have a healthier life and not eat like a great white shark. I just make it no big deal and they soon do the same. If they ask questions, I tell them medically what's going on and that my stomach is smaller so takes less to fill me up. Just people really don't care what you eat and friends probably just enjoy your company.