Family/friends who say I've lost too much weight

[Corridor72 518]

So, I'm getting pretty close to my goal now. I have 14 lbs left to reach my goal of 155 lbs, which will put my BMI at 25. I think that's a reasonable goal and so does my surgeon. Actually, we discussed this at my visit on Wednesday and he said that he thinks 155 should be my "goal" but that, ideally, my long-term goal should be to stay between 150-155. He said he doesn't ever want me below 150 or over 155 and that it's normal for our weight to fluctuate a little so that would be the goal range he thinks is good for me. I'm now at 169 lbs and I'm starting to get a lot of comments from people who say they think I'm losing too much weight and that I should stop trying to lose now. My family is starting to really give me a hard time about it and I know they're just concerned and they think they're doing the right thing by saying something about it but I can't seem to get them to understand that I am still overweight and still need to lose more weight. My dad even said today that he thinks I should "have that surgery reversed". How have you all dealt with this kind of thing? I'm not sure what to say to them. I don't want to be mean because they are genuinely concerned about my well-being. As I said though, I have discussed this with my surgeon and we have agreed that the healthy place for me to be is between 150-155 lbs. I have told them that I've discussed it with my surgeon and I've shared what he said to me and the response I got was "Well, I just don't think I like him." That upsets me too because I finally feel like I have my life back and it's all thanks to him and my lap-band. I am lifting weights, exercising, running, participating in 5k races....all things that I could not have done 1 year ago. 1 year ago I was too fat and unhealthy to enjoy life. All I wanted to was sleep. And now I'm healthy. I'm enjoying life. I look forward to each day. I am happy. But these comments about how I'm losing too much weight are really starting to get to me and I'm really just not sure how to deal with it. I'd love to hear how others have handled this kind of comments and situations.

[HotButterFly 981]

Do you have any before/after pics? How tall are you? How long did it take you and how much have lost in total?

[Corridor72 518]

No, I don't have before/after pics. I'm the master of staying behind the camera as I've never liked having my picture taken. I'm 5'6" and weigh 169 lbs now. I've lost a total of 114 lbs. I had to do a 6 month supervised weight loss plan prior to my insurance approval and then the liquid diet for 5 weeks prior to surgery. I started my supervised weight loss plan in March of last year. At that time, I weighed 275 lbs. My highest weight ever was 283 lbs so I had already lost a few lbs prior to starting that. Anyway, I lost about 23 lbs during the 6 month supervised weight loss plan. Then I did the liquid diet for 3 weeks and my surgery got delayed so I had to do it for another 2 wks. I lost about 20 lbs on the liquid diet. My surgery date was Dec. 20th, so about 6 1/2 months ago. My weight on that day was around 232 lbs. So I've lost about 63 lbs since surgery.

[labwalker 1,177]

Is your family on the heavy side? I'm thinking if they are, they may consider having a few extra pounds as being normal.

How we see ourselves, and how other's see us is entirely different.

I lost sixty pounds, and I can't see it... but people are commenting on my weight loss, which feels good.

I'd listen to your doctor and follow his advice. Your BMI is still a tad high (I wish I was there!) so I wouldn't worry about taking

off a few more pounds! Good luck, and congrats on what you have done so far!

[Corridor72 518]

Is your family on the heavy side? I'm thinking if they are, they may consider having a few extra pounds as being normal.

Actually, my family is kind of odd. We have some who are underweight, some who are overweight, a few who are extremely morbidly obese and some who are just average. As for my immediate family, my dad has always been a normal weight. My mother and brother are both a little overweight, but not as much as I was. I do think that part of the problem is that we, as a society, have adapted our views so that people who are actually of a normal weight/BMI are viewed as being too thin and those who are overweight(but not obese) are viewed as being "normal" because that is what we are used to seeing in today's society.

How we see ourselves, and how other's see us is entirely different.

I lost sixty pounds, and I can't see it... but people are commenting on my weight loss, which feels good.

I agree. I've lost 114 lbs but I still see the same fat girl that was always there when I look in the mirror. My view of me has not changed at all. I don't "feel" smaller and I don't see myself as being smaller even though I know I must be smaller. After all, 114 lbs takes up a lot of space. I do feel better and have a lot more energy but I just don't feel smaller.

I'd listen to your doctor and follow his advice. Your BMI is still a tad high (I wish I was there!) so I wouldn't worry about taking

off a few more pounds!

I'm not worried that losing more weight would be bad. I know it's the right thing to do. My goal in having this surgery was to get healthy. I need to lose more weight to be at a healthy weight. I also don't think my doctor would recommend further weight loss if it weren't healthy. I trust him completely. What stresses me out right now is just trying to deal with family & friends who don't understand that.

Good luck, and congrats on what you have done so far!

Thank you

[HotButterFly 981]

I'm 4'11 and my recommended weight is around 120 lbs but my target is not so much the number on my scale, rather, the number on the back of my pants. If I go down to 120 I probably WOULD be too skinny. I'm pushing towards a size 9, whatever that translates to on the scale, only God knows.

I think we need to learn how to ignore (easier said than done, I know) specially if we know its out of concern and not judgement. I'm judged against my sister who had her sleeve done a month before me and has lost all her excess weight. My family doesn't understand that we had different surgeries which yield different results in the short run. I've learned how to just ignore them and keep walking. Or change the subject.

[Colleen C 169]

Since your family is doing it out of love and concern, get on your laptop and pull up the BMI charts on any website that has one and show them your height, weight and where you fall compared to where you want to be. Then thank them for loving and caring about you but you are done with the subject and move on to something else.

[Leepers 1,195]

I've been getting those comments from a few people lately. Most surprisingly they have been from male acquaintances. I think that people were so used to our heavier image that they think we look malnourished or something. I still have 30 pounds to lose. People just see my thin face and arms. They don't see the 25 pound tummy successfully hidden by flattering clothes. Just keep doing what you need to do. When you have so little amount to lose, they probably won't notice the last few pounds anyway.

[Bandista 7,466]

You are doing beautifully! Congratulations on all you're doing -- the exercise is great and you've really reclaimed your health.

I have been very private about my surgery and when some people see my tiny portions they automatically think I am depriving myself and headed for some kind of eating disorder. If there are well-meaning comments I have started saying things like, "I had a late lunch so this is just a snack, " or "I just had a Protein shake and can't believe how much it filled me up."

Get a load of this -- my mother is quite thin and for the last 20 years or so she has handed me every single new diet book on the market. Atkins, The Zone, Eat Right for Your Blood Type, and probably forty others. She does not know about my surgery but I have lost more than fifty pounds and she hasn't said a word. We see each other regularly. I don't know if she can't see me shrinking or what's up, but I'm kind of fascinated.

[Corridor72 518]

I'm 4'11 and my recommended weight is around 120 lbs but my target is not so much the number on my scale, rather, the number on the back of my pants. If I go down to 120 I probably WOULD be too skinny. I'm pushing towards a size 9, whatever that translates to on the scale, only God knows.

I think we need to learn how to ignore (easier said than done, I know) specially if we know its out of concern and not judgement. I'm judged against my sister who had her sleeve done a month before me and has lost all her excess weight. My family doesn't understand that we had different surgeries which yield different results in the short run. I've learned how to just ignore them and keep walking. Or change the subject.

See, I'm just the opposite. I'm not as concerned about pant sizes, shirt sizes, dress sizes, or any other size as I am the number on the scale. I will admit that I am fascinated and even thrilled at the change in sizes but I don't have a magic number that I'm reaching for when it comes to size. What I am concerned about is the number on the scale. I'm a nurse and have a very good understanding about how weight and BMI affects one's health. I didn't have this surgery to improve my appearance and fit into smaller clothing. I had surgery to improve my health so my goal is to reach a healthy weight for my height. Again, this is something that I have discussed with my surgeon and we agree on what my goal should be so I don't think that I'm shooting for something that's unhealthy for me. I just think that, as a society, our views of what healthy looks like have changed as the epidemic of obesity has increased. I also think that my family is so used to seeing the "fat" me that their view is skewed too.

I wish I could ignore their comments but that's really difficult to do considering they tend to gang up on me!lol...It's not that I get offended or upset with them about it because, more than anything, I just really wish I could help them understand. I'm not angry or upset with them at all. I know they're just concerned and I'm not sure how to handle it. I've tried everything I know to reassure them that I'm ok and will be ok but they just don't seem to get it.

[Corridor72 518]

Since your family is doing it out of love and concern, get on your laptop and pull up the BMI charts on any website that has one and show them your height, weight and where you fall compared to where you want to be. Then thank them for loving and caring about you but you are done with the subject and move on to something else.

They know what the BMI charts say. They think the BMI charts are garbage and they don't believe that the charts are realistic for anyone to achieve. I have to say, my brother did back off and leave me alone about it once I told him what my BMI is and what my goals are and why. I think he has a better understanding than any of them on the matter. He has also struggled with his weight for many years but has been successful with low carb dieting. He fluctuates a lot with his weight but his goal has always been a healthy BMI and he gets a lot of grief from everyone else when he gets close to his goal too. So, he has been more understanding than the others in the family.

[Corridor72 518]

I've been getting those comments from a few people lately. Most surprisingly they have been from male acquaintances. I think that people were so used to our heavier image that they think we look malnourished or something. I still have 30 pounds to lose. People just see my thin face and arms. They don't see the 25 pound tummy successfully hidden by flattering clothes. Just keep doing what you need to do. When you have so little amount to lose, they probably won't notice the last few pounds anyway.

I have been getting a lot of comments from both family and friends at work, male and female alike. I think you're correct about them being so used to us being heavier that they think we're malnourished now. I also have a lot left in my tummy to lose. Actually, that's where almost all of the excess weight that I have left is at-my tummy. I can see it, so why can't they?lol

I don't know about them not noticing-it seems the more I lose the more they notice every pound. Hopefully I can get to goal soon though and will then be able to say "OK. I'll stop now"

[Corridor72 518]

You are doing beautifully! Congratulations on all you're doing -- the exercise is great and you've really reclaimed your health.

Thank you! That's exactly how I feel! I'm so happy to have reclaimed my health and to be able to do things I couldn't even imagine doing 1 yr ago!

I have been very private about my surgery and when some people see my tiny portions they automatically think I am depriving myself and headed for some kind of eating disorder. If there are well-meaning comments I have started saying things like, "I had a late lunch so this is just a snack, " or "I just had a Protein shake and can't believe how much it filled me up."

I've been very open and honest with everyone about my surgery. Even people who are just acquaintances know about it because if they ask, and most people do ask, I tell them.

Get a load of this -- my mother is quite thin and for the last 20 years or so she has handed me every single new diet book on the market. Atkins, The Zone, Eat Right for Your Blood Type, and probably forty others. She does not know about my surgery but I have lost more than fifty pounds and she hasn't said a word. We see each other regularly. I don't know if she can't see me shrinking or what's up, but I'm kind of fascinated

Interesting. You'd think she'd say something. Maybe she really doesn't notice though since she sees you often.

[Kitt3000 757]

Same situation with my dad, has never said a word...

On the other hand , when well meaning friends and family make these comments, I let them have their say, just nodding or agreeing. Then tell them thank you so much because I do not see myself the way they do. I'm certainly going to think about what they have said, and thank you for your genuine concern. Then do what you and the doc have agreed upon. Really, the more you protest, the more they think you are in denial. Funny, but they do care about you, so accept the love and ignor the rest :-)

[PJ Geeser 108]

Dont worry about it.....They say that because it is so different than the way they have always known you. YOu just go to the point you want to go and dont worry about what everyone else says. That sounds like the perfect weight. Yay for you

I wish i was in your shoes...i however seem to be going the other direction lately. Been almost 2 years for me and still at the 50 lbs mark only...I have never been able to find the working spot for my band. It is one extreme to the other and no in between. Either feel nothing or it goes to the opposite and tooo tight instantly and then i end up going in to get some out. Just been there for the 3 unfil and am gaining again. Sick of it. I feel like i have no band again and will probably take 3 months to get in again for a little fill. they are so busy i hate it as we cant get it adjusted so that it helps me out at least some...just so hard to get appts anymore as they have too many patients vs. drs to do the follow up.