August Sleevers Check In

[butterflybefree 39]

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Edited July 23, 2014 by butterflybefree

[snowkitten 371]

I'm so upset, I wanna cry!! I got a call today from the surgeons office. They pushed my date to the 25th!! I know it's only 20 days later but I had already set everything up at work and NOW when I take 2 weeks off it will clash with our new clinics opening and another coworker taking time off so my boss is gonna be upset

[butterflybefree 39]

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Edited July 23, 2014 by butterflybefree

[New Me Twentyfourteen 23]

I'm on the 11th of August too! Super excited!

[foreverchange0914 9]

SEPT 1st is my day... Does this count!!!! Lol

[5BeautifulDays 68]

I guess it's kind of like when your pregnant and in labor and you think, what am I doing...I can't take care of a kid. Well that's what I was saying at barely 20.

I love this image. I don't know if you did "natural" childbirth (I mean really...what's more natural than childbirth, no matter how you do it! LOL), but one of the things they teach you about is the stages of labor...and the one right before you push, when you are going from about 7 to 10 cm dilated is called transition. In transition, the pains are coming one on top of another and you don't get a real break. You start to doubt your ability to "do this." Labor, delivery, being a mom, surviving the experience...but you are about to get to the big show and there is no turning back.

And here we are, a month or so away from our "big show" and we are totally in transition. The doctor's appointments are coming fast and furious, we're adjusting bad habits and forming better ones, we're growing mentally. But we also have to face the pain. It's going to be a long time if ever before we can do certain things, and we're not sure yet about the good things at the end. And just like in real transition, the way you get through it is with support. A friend, a partner, prayer...I love that your friend reminded you why you're doing this.

So thank you for that helpful, lovely image.

[snowkitten 371]

I'm sorry. Wished I had some words to say to make it better.

Thanks, being able to share my frustration helps alot

[smallermekerrivsg 7]

Hey! My date is August 26th! I'm very excited/scared!!! Good luck to all of you:) I would love to hear from you all.

[butterflybefree 39]

I love this image. I don't know if you did "natural" childbirth (I mean really...what's more natural than childbirth, no matter how you do it! LOL), but one of the things they teach you about is the stages of labor...and the one right before you push, when you are going from about 7 to 10 cm dilated is called transition. In transition, the pains are coming one on top of another and you don't get a real break. You start to doubt your ability to "do this." Labor, delivery, being a mom, surviving the experience...but you are about to get to the big show and there is no turning back. And here we are, a month or so away from our "big show" and we are totally in transition. The doctor's appointments are coming fast and furious, we're adjusting bad habits and forming better ones, we're growing mentally. But we also have to face the pain. It's going to be a long time if ever before we can do certain things, and we're not sure yet about the good things at the end. And just like in real transition, the way you get through it is with support. A friend, a partner, prayer...I love that your friend reminded you why you're doing this. So thank you for that helpful, lovely image.

Well I was going to go natural, however she was breech, a month early and Water broke. I get the point though. Feeling a little better tonight. Just tired.

[SwanRose 86]

I'm also having a few What-Am-I-Doing-? moments, thinking I'll never be able to eat this/drink that again. There's a quote from a UK TV show I saw years ago that helps me -

"You can't move forward without leaving something behind. It's a fact of life, there's nothing you can do about it."

So since I definitely want to move forward from where I am now - waddling, unfit, can't walk round the block without my back aching like hell - then there may be some things I will have to leave behind. The bottom line for me is that it's worth it.

[butterflybefree 39]

I'm also having a few What-Am-I-Doing-? moments, thinking I'll never be able to eat this/drink that again. There's a quote from a UK TV show I saw years ago that helps me - "You can't move forward without leaving something behind. It's a fact of life, there's nothing you can do about it." So since I definitely want to move forward from where I am now - waddling, unfit, can't walk round the block without my back aching like hell - then there may be some things I will have to leave behind. The bottom line for me is that it's worth it.

It IS worth it for me too. I have felt that way all the way through this process. It took me by surprise with my reaction today.

[Micky71 71]

Im booked for Aug 25th

[jojoreno 62]

I have all these post and I'm right with you all. Started this journey in February with the 6 month diet only lost 13 pounds but with all the doctors and test. Ugh gotten shots in my back for pain last month so now I'm able to walk more lost 2 pounds since last week. Next week do my last two test then my paperwork gets sent to insurance and hoping for August date. I'm scared & excited mostly excited. Getting things ready for the liquid diet and after too. Such mixed emotions and can't stop my brain from thinking.

[Urbanlamb 56]

Girlfriend...you sound so much like me, I can relate.

Sometimes, we get caught up in the black and white stuff...the practicalities, the fine details, the schedules, the lists...that we forget to breathe, and to stop and let our emotions evolve.

I had a lot of abuse and hard times in my younger years, so to protect myself, I did the ostrich thing. Stuck my head in the sand and refused to really allow myself to feel. It's been a long road, but this past 3 years or so I've really been working on that, and acknowledging my emotions as they happen. Acknowledging them, allowing them to be real, facing them, and lovingly allowing them a safe way to be expressed and felt.

It's hard...but so necessary...and I'm so much more at peace these days,

NEVER be ashamed of those deep primal emotions...face them...love them...learn where they are coming from.

We CAN do this!

*hugs*

I've read about the food funerals and even people questioning about their decisions. I thought I wouldn't get to that point. I've done a lot of research, a lot of work on myself mentally, gathered all I need to have for the 2 week diet and other things I might need after the surgery. I've had a few hiccups here and there on eating something I know I probably shouldn't. Well today BIG issues...

pizza Hut and their stupid commercials. Well they now have those cheesy bites back. I'm not much into eating bread and when I do it's really soft bread. Shocking for someone of my size and having a father who had bread as his main food in each and every meal and in between meals. When I have pizza I even have the thin crust and take off the edges. I just don't care for bread all that much. Well the cheesy bites got me. I love cheese...well I got one of those cheesy bites pizza's. I said instead of the whole pizza, I'd eat just 2 pieces. I stuck to that, but something strange happened to me. As I got to the end of the first slice I started crying as I'm talking to my friend. I said, "what am I doing? am I doing the right thing?" Meaning the surgery. I talked to her about it and said I swore I wouldn't have "those" feelings because I am doing it for my health. I was really sobbing thinking about this pizza as if I was saying goodbye. Not like I couldn't have it down the road at some point, but as if I was really giving it up. I was talking to her saying I think I'm now having some of these feelings going on because I'm at the point where my surgery is going to be scheduled at any time after Monday. I guess it's kind of like when your pregnant and in labor and you think, what am I doing...I can't take care of a kid. Well that's what I was saying at barely 20. Or when your getting married and in the brides room getting your dress on and thinking, I cannot marry him. I don't think I can go through with this. I guess the cold feet type of thing. I thought I was so prepared that I wouldn't have these feelings or I wouldn't be so emotional. I've kept up with watching youtube video's or reading blogs/post from others. I knew to stay on top of everything as to not give the insurance one reason to deny me, make sure all my results were at my surgeons office and if they weren't, then I went right down to the place and stayed until I got the papers over there. I thought I was more prepared than ever and then all of a sudden this wave of emotions took over and I felt out of control. Of course it's almost that time of the month where my "Aunt Flo" comes for a visit so that may have some to do with it. Maybe it's a mixture. I know I've been kind of run down lately with having so many appointments, running around, trying to get everything taken care of, making sure all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed. Now there has been almost 2 weeks since I've seen my PCP and got the last bit of paperwork from her over to the surgeons and now I'm just down to my NUT appt on Monday. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I have to write down everything I put into my mouth. Food, candy, drink, medicine, etc. Anything that goes in has to be written down and the time and amount. I know the reason behind it, but today I just got so irritated about it feeling like I'm being "policed" or maybe she may judge me thinking oh you shouldn't have had that, why did you eat that, that's too much, etc. So now I'm wanting to watch everything that goes into my mouth this weekend.

There is a saying "This too shall pass" Well....this too shall pass. Just an emotional day with everything that's been going on since May catching up to me. I've had my moment and now I can carry on. Whew!

[jojoreno 62]

Ok need to proof read. I've read all your posts. Doing the food funeral had sushi tonight from Atlantis (Reno NV). It's finally coming together. Can't wait for the date. Good luck to everyone.