neveragain 9 Posted April 22, 2007 I'm really putting myself out here, guys. If I didn't think the world of people on here, I wouldn't be mentioning this...and I really apologize if this is in the wrong forum... Ever since I've lost a little weight, I've had more chances to have sex. Great, right? Not so much. Whenever I attempt to have sex, I physically can't. It's because I'm so nervous about it and/or the possibility of getting them pregnant. It has really come to a point where I have little or no sex drive. I'm sure it's not a physical issue. Truly, it is absolutely demoralizing when it happens, and it's I'm not really sure why I felt the need to publicly humiliate myself by posting this, but I just hoping that I wasn't the only one who has this issue and to see if anyone had any advice... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morsaille 4 Posted April 22, 2007 Communication, love. I am sure I would be in the same situation were I still dating. Luckily, I know roughly what to expect every time. Every time. Do you know the birth control methods of your potential partners? Have you discussed your anxiety? There are lots of other ways to enjoy yourselves that will help you to relax. Try oral... Very relaxing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kyethra 0 Posted April 22, 2007 I agree. And there are some good condoms out there too. Give it time, relax. Take your time. If you still find yourself having problems after a while, then you might want to see a sex therapist about it. I hear they are good at that sort of thing. I imagine this is not abnormal at all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Krystal 4 Posted April 22, 2007 I would say that you need to be 100% comfortable with your partner. Don't just have sex to have sex. You can use condoms with spermicidal and its a pretty good preventative....not 100% BUT NOTHING IS 100%. Im not a guy so obviously i dont have certain worries you do. But I know that at my weight I am definately a lot less interested in sex because of my personal feelings about myself. My husband and I talk it over and it really helps to have communication. Good Luck! PM me if you need someone to talk to! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
areellady 1 Posted April 22, 2007 I would agree with Kystal that if you can talk to your partner about it. Sounds like maybe you are not just talking about having sex with one person per se. It probably has alot to do with how you view yourself and how you think others are viewing you!! I think the sex therapist is a good idea if your issues dont resolve themselves fairly soon. I know when I am feeling down about sex because I think HOW could he (DH) POSSIBLEY want to do that with ME? I have to tell myself that I am still a person..fat or not...and he loves me fat or not!!! He married me heavy so he must of seen something he liked to begin with!!! Let us know how this works out over the next few months.. Deanna Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Krystal 4 Posted April 22, 2007 I would agree with Kystal that if you can talk to your partner about it. Sounds like maybe you are not just talking about having sex with one person per se. It probably has alot to do with how you view yourself and how you think others are viewing you!! I think the sex therapist is a good idea if your issues dont resolve themselves fairly soon. I know when I am feeling down about sex because I think HOW could he (DH) POSSIBLEY want to do that with ME? I have to tell myself that I am still a person..fat or not...and he loves me fat or not!!! He married me heavy so he must of seen something he liked to begin with!!! Let us know how this works out over the next few months.. Deanna AMEN!! My hubby married me when i was 380lbs.....all of our bridesmaids and groomsmen were really good looking underweight people and my husband is good looking...could get anyone i think...he is not big..but he chose me! (i am one lucky wifey)...... I think when it comes to sex...it needs to be more than a fling...flings can make you actually feel worse about yourself. Find someone who likes/loves you for you....whoo cares if your 1000 lbs! That person should not even think twice about your weight if they are crawlin in bed with ya!:clap2: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
areellady 1 Posted April 23, 2007 AMEN to that Krystal!!! Love is love...not ONLY if you are skinny!! Deanna Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lepez 0 Posted May 21, 2007 I'm really putting myself out here, guys. If I didn't think the world of people on here, I wouldn't be mentioning this...and I really apologize if this is in the wrong forum... Ever since I've lost a little weight, I've had more chances to have sex. Great, right? Not so much. Whenever I attempt to have sex, I physically can't. It's because I'm so nervous about it and/or the possibility of getting them pregnant. It has really come to a point where I have little or no sex drive. I'm sure it's not a physical issue. Truly, it is absolutely demoralizing when it happens, and it's I'm not really sure why I felt the need to publicly humiliate myself by posting this, but I just hoping that I wasn't the only one who has this issue and to see if anyone had any advice... Don't put so much pressure on yourself. It seems like you are really anxious to have sex just to prove that you can. It makes a huge difference when you love the person that you are with. You will feel much more comfortable to discuss birth control options with a person that you love. Oral sex can be really great if you are worried about pregnancy . They also make condoms that are really fun like ELEXA that vibrate. You are young and will have many years of extremely pleasurable sex , so stop focussing on the negative and enjoy holding hands, kissing , foreplay and maybe even oral sex for a while. Enjoy yourself! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juliegeraci 7 Posted May 22, 2007 My husband had problems with his libido and he couldn't keep it up. Turns out his testasterone was so low that no wonder. He had shots and now uses viagra when necessary. It can be resolved. You just have to speak out. Also, remember its a muscle. The more you use it the better it gets. At least in my husband's case. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
derbygirl 0 Posted May 23, 2007 Are guys more likely to get someone pregnant after lapband? I had only heard about women being more fertile. Or are you just nervous, without it being related to the band? I say double-bag it and go for it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lori Ann 0 Posted May 23, 2007 I know for me when I'm down around my goal weight, I feel so much better about having sex. Now that I am 235 lbs, I am so self conscious about my weight and body and don't enjoy having sex at all.....the performance level doesn't even compare. I am really looking forward to dropping this weight.....it makes all the difference in the world in ALL areas of my life. I have been with the same partner for 20 years and I am still very self conscious about my body......some people are really comfortable about their bodies whether skinny or heavy. In my experience with dieting.....the sex was always better when I was thinner....so I am really looking forward to some of the benefits that the band will bring me.......stabilization in a lot of areas......hope I didn't offend anyone....this is just my experience. Lori Ann Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kity 2 Posted May 24, 2007 Lori Ann~ You didn't offend anyone. We are all adults, and deal w/ all aspects of life and our weight. Thanks for sharing! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syrah 0 Posted May 24, 2007 Never, please tell us you are practicing safe sex... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ashabama 1 Posted February 22, 2008 I do believe that the nervousness will eventually go away....you should be fine...and nah its not embarrassing. You're human and we think things over way too much. But it's great to see someone who actually thinks before they act...kinda refreshing Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
j_war06 0 Posted February 22, 2008 I know that when I would lose just a pound my sex drive would be perfectly normal...but if I gained anything, or was just bloated, I didnt even want to leave the house!! It was crazy weird....Its a body image thing...I know that its all girls responding...but I kind of understand what you are feeling, especially as a younger band patient. We dont have partners in life (husband or wife), but we still have to get out there and satisfy our needs...besides what guy isnt trying to get the girls The first time I had sex after the band was over a year after I was banded. I made the guy chase me for months! I knew he was a known "player" and I wanted to make sure I wasnt just a piece...plus I was SO scared of what he would think of my naked body outside of girdle underwear, tight jeans, high heels, corset, push up bra, and so forth and so on...I knew I was like false-advertisement, and was SO scared that he would reject me if he ever saw who I really was. All the anxiety, plus fear of catching a disease or getting knocked up scared me half to death to, to the point that my sex-drive was almost none functional...after the first time we did anything at all I felt so strange. I felt like he would probably never follow through with any promises or anything, because I know how guys are, in fact I only have like 2 close friends that are girls, the rest are guys. But he did call, and he asked why I hid my beautiful body from everyone under all that garb...quite funny! The stuff I thought made me look good, actually was more of a turn-off. We ended up being together for a LONG time, then he moved and we grew apart. But I know the anxieties and how they can be a mood ruiner. Im kind of like a guy in my sexual nature. I have to be turned on to do ANYTHING! If Im not feelin it, hes not gettin any love lol!! Plus, when sex is a new thing, its always scary. But I will tell you the pill + condom use is pretty good at preventing pregnancy and STDs at the same time. I did get pregnant with my ex-fiance, Im not necessarily proud of it, but I am very happy because I was supposed to have been infertile, so its a blessing more than anything. In your case I really suggest holding off on sex until you are with a nice girl for a while and you feel comfortable around one another, nude or clothed. And you have discussed many things, including her contraceptive use and your willingness to use a condom (I know you boys have to be forced to use one of those), and you might want to even go get checked for STDs together (it usually brings a couple closer together actually). Just set aside your worries and body image fears, Ive learned that there is nothing you can do to make yourself look COMPLETELY difference clothed than nude, and that if they want to be with you and you turn them on, then you have really accomplished something. P.S. In my first 2/3 of pregnancy my sex drive was normal, but now that Im starting to get a belly, I dont even have a drive lol! I guess its because I have issues seeing past the belly, and I also have problems psychologically distinguishing the baby bump from fat...so I just pretty much keep to myself... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
