I knew I shouldn't have said anything!

[mlm28 27]

I am also on the 8th July ( initial they said 7th) and I am all over the place..I wish you all good luck and ignore all the bad reactions...I don't want to share it and my husband also asked me not to share as we don't want to deal with this type of things..my journey is not an easy one and it's my decision which it should not be " judged" by anyone else...yes i did diet most of my life..just didn't work...I want a better life and I fell this the way to have it....I try to stay positive ....good luck again to you all and I hope next week to be able to share some positive post-op. things.

[manofsize 12]

I've only told the four people whom I trust the most and truly value their opinion. I really don't care what anyone else thinks. Being a jerk can be very useful sometimes.

I think it's so weird that people are happy to talk about your weight -- up or down -- and ask all kinds of personal questions, but if you asked them, say, what they earn for salary in a year or if they're having sex with their partner...it's just crazy to me that people think they can talk to us about our bodies like that.

[Stephanie Celeste 8]

Actually when I told my husband that I was looking into getting the surgery that was his first response.. Have you actually tired dieting? What about exercising? I was like seriously you just asked me this?? Of course I've tried everything!! You just don't realize it (we were living apart for a little over a year). It's not like our first reaction is. Oh, darn it. I've gained weight. I best get my stomach cut out. Ugh. People are so judgey sometimes!

haha, finally, someone who understands!

[optimumhealthgurl 8]

People can be very judgmental in offering their non-medical advice. Do what makes you happy!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@boccob81 It's interesting you get that reaction about "stay away from bypass"... it's another case of people being misinformed. Sleeve was not an option for me because I have pretty severe reflux. I have another friend who even though she is much heavier than me, she can only get the sleeve because she has some other GI issues that make the bypass out of the question.

Again, which decision to make is based on your personal medical history and shouldn't be swayed by people who read some article sometime somewhere that said the bypass wasn't as safe.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

its really not necessary to talk about your surgery with people who are not your intimates.

while the surgery's affects are very outwardly visible, it is a medical procedure and your medical status is really only the business of those closest to you.

its not your job to put yourself on display for everyone. its not your job to make people accept wls or your decisions.

imagine you decided to have a preventative mastectomy. people react intensely to it. many people think its "wrong." would you discuss it with lots of people? probably not. if you decided to do it to possibly save your life, you would be secure in your decision, and not think twice about what your boss, sister in law's boyfriend or neighbor thought. this is similar. do what you need to do. allow others to have their own opinions without trying to get in their heads. take care of yourself without distracting yourself with might being going on with others.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I'm going through the "shock and awe" stage right now. I've lost 78. I have 82 to go so I'm not small. I started at 325. I've told "my circle" and those are the only people I'll discuss surgery with. I did not want everyone's feedback, especially preop. Your emotions about this decision (at least mine) were fragile, or at least tenuous preop. I was certain I wanted it but the anticipation of so much change was tough. I think to tell or not to tell is a personal choice. To do this successfully, you will be more committed than you can imagine (or any thin person who doesn't struggle with weight) can imagine. It's on a "need to know" basis. I needed a few cheerleaders but I don't need acquaintance or strangers opinions. I've been very successful thus far and there isn't a day at work that someone isn't in "shock and awe" so I have developed a "I'm eating less than 1000 cal, high protein/low carb and exercising" spiel. None of that is a lie. I struggle when a very obese person inquires. Maybe I should share? Maybe not. It's likely I won't because I have had similar experiences that you describe. The exercise and diet industry does not favor surgery. They make money off people paying for diets and DVDs and gym memberships. They are "experts" but I've yet to meet one who really understood obesity. Do what is right for you. But you will not get 100% support. YOU are strong. YOU CAN DO THIS. It's not others who will walk this with you. Good luck. The emotional journey is probably slightly harder than the physical. It is sooooo worth it though.

[mwestcons 9]

I can certainly understand why many of us choose to keep our surgeries private. I totally agree that one's medical history is totally no one else's business and we all have to right to keep this private.

However, I also know, we all know, that there is a lot of bias, prejudice and misinformation circulating out there. I have experienced this first hand, as many of us have. In considering the surgery, I approached a colleague who announced that she had had the surgery and lost something like 90 lbs and managed to get out of an electric wheelchair in the process. We had a honest and frank talk about her journey, and it was very valuable information for me as I considered the pros and cons of weight loss surgery. Her courage and honesty in revealing to all of us her brave journey was an inspiration to me.

I plan to tell everyone who inquires that I have had surgery. While there are many who have lost weight permanently with dieting or exercise alone, the vast majority fail, and most often yo-yo dieting just leads to weight gain in the end. I will make it a particular point to tell any of my friends that are overweight as they are the ones who could benefit from this solution. If we hide the benefits and pitfalls of our individual experiences, no one else will be able to learn and benefit from them!

[CrazyJaney 775]

I agree that in "coming out" (for lack of a better word) we debunk the myths and support others. But, and this is from my experience over 35 years of struggling with weight, someone out there ALWAYS likes to watch the struggle and make you doubt your success. Not most, but the ones that do enjoy it greatly. Becoming your own best expert is important. Not everyone has the personality to let every comment roll off. I'm a boss with about 120 direct reports. I have THICK skin. But I'm not interested in processing every good and bad comment made about WLS or how I look. Yesterday, I encountered 3 nurses I've known a long time but haven't spoken to in a while. All of them have passed me in the hall and when we spoke yesterday, they were all "WOW, what are you doing, I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to say anything". It's like there was a hush-hush about it and it felt "awkward". Maybe it's being in management. Maybe it's answering the same question 5 times a day, but it just feels weird to discuss massive weight loss with people who don't "get" it. 1 out of the 3 probably would have "understood" why I has surgery. But I would have felt a need to "defend" it and honestly, I don't have time for that everyday. It's not something we should have to defend, yet you see 50 threads or more on here about that very topic. The quote: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent - is entirely true. But I don't need to defend anything. Again, I have a good size circle of friends and family who support me. But not everyone will understand, or care, or "get it", or be swayed by research. Time is precious. Especially now that i ENJOY life do much more. I don't want to waste a second defending this to anyone. I also think your we have laws about HIPPA for this very reason. I had half my labia removed due to a mass. It was extremely embarrassing to talk about. "Why weren't you at work?" "I has surgery in my vajayjay". Nope, not a conversation I chose to have with others. Anyway.... You'll find a ton of threads on here with tons of advice. You just gotta do what feels right for you. Maybe someday, there will be no more prejudice in the world. But today ain't that day.

[blondebomb 580]

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Who have you shared the info with that you are having or have had surgery with? What have you told people after the surgery when they ask about your weight loss???

I know how you feel, Erin. Other people's reactions can be really frustrating, mostly because they don't give you the benefit of the doubt/think you've really tried anything, and they haven't walked miles in your shoes. The overall impression I get from people I tell is disappointment/sadness, almost like they think I'm a fool or I'm "going under the knife" for lazy, cosmetic reasons. This couldn't be further from the truth--I want my health and energy back. Some remain unconvinced even when I tell them of my current high cholesterol, back pain, diet attempts, difficulty finding clothes that fit and finding jobs, etc. Like beating my head on a brick wall. My husband's approval (at least financially) is all I need at this point--screw everyone else. I've decided the best policy is to tell as few people as possible, it's not their body and just not their business.

And afterwards, when they ask how I did it, I'm going to tell them Weight Watchers worked really well. It won't be a lie, exactly--I'm still going to follow my points to some extent and exercise, technically Weight Watchers and all it's taught me about Protein, Fiber, fat, and food choices will be at play in my mind.

I have only told my bff's which is just a few an I no they won't say anything, My hubs which is my biggest support an best friend an another good friend who had gb 7 yrs ago she has supported me the past 3 months said it was the best decision she ever made for herself. .so I have told my parents theyr going in to fix my stomach with all the vomiting I've done thru my history an fixing my hernia...that's all I'm saying bc I don't want to hear anything from anybody! Between polymyalgia, Fibro, sjogrens and hashis an a butt load of other illnesses I'm going thru this...I've yoyod weight for 25 yrs...I eat organically an I don't even eat much at once...2 of my drs sent me to WLS. ..for them to send me an insurance approval within 48 hrs I'm not alone in this desicion. ..my surgery is Tuesday!an I will tell them after seeing weight drop will be" restrictive dieting an WW...!

Edited July 2, 2014 by blondebomb

[notsuccessfulyet 0]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your Water aerobics instructor. I too, have been taking Water aerobics for more than a year 4-6 classes a week and have not been able to lose the weight. I have to bite my tongue not to mention it to people like those at the Y who often discourage weight loss surgery.

I have been denied surgery and am currently waiting on a reply to my appeal. It is very frustrating to have people look down on you after you've done the research and the work prior to your decision to try and loss the weight and finally think you've made the right choice only to be greeted with such negativity.

[blondebomb 580]

I'm going through the "shock and awe" stage right now. I've lost 78. I have 82 to go so I'm not small. I started at 325. I've told "my circle" and those are the only people I'll discuss surgery with. I did not want everyone's feedback, especially preop. Your emotions about this decision (at least mine) were fragile, or at least tenuous preop. I was certain I wanted it but the anticipation of so much change was tough. I think to tell or not to tell is a personal choice. To do this successfully, you will be more committed than you can imagine (or any thin person who doesn't struggle with weight) can imagine. It's on a "need to know" basis. I needed a few cheerleaders but I don't need acquaintance or strangers opinions. I've been very successful thus far and there isn't a day at work that someone isn't in "shock and awe" so I have developed a "I'm eating less than 1000 cal, high protein/low carb and exercising" spiel. None of that is a lie. I struggle when a very obese person inquires. Maybe I should share? Maybe not. It's likely I won't because I have had similar experiences that you describe. The exercise and diet industry does not favor surgery. They make money off people paying for diets and DVDs and gym memberships. They are "experts" but I've yet to meet one who really understood obesity. Do what is right for you. But you will not get 100% support. YOU are strong. YOU CAN DO THIS. It's not others who will walk this with you. Good luck. The emotional journey is probably slightly harder than the physical. It is sooooo worth it though.

I'm like you

Thank you for your comment: ) my surgery is the 8th..the emotional roller coaster..to do not to do..with the encouragement from my specialist an thyroid disease yo yo weight for 25 yrs enuff is enuff! I want my life back! This isn't me! My hubs has my back he said we are in this together! I'm like you if someone ask me who also has a weight problem I'll suggest this bc of the benefits an it's for life!

[manofsize 12]

y.know...it just occurred to me that if you feel you must tell people you're doing this, let them know that your doctor told you to do this otherwise the health consequence could be dire. That's what I did. I always started the discussion with my doctor, then move into my own research and that kind of ended the conversation. So if anyone said "well, you should just diet and exercise," I'd say good naturedly, "Well, talk to my doctor. You want his number?"

[jjinWA 511]

I have told no one except my hubby and daughters and my mom. All were very supportive. Others I just said I had gall bladder surgery. So now the dilemma. How to I explain the rapid weight loss. My husband said they are going to figure it out eventually.

[Skywalker 170]

So if anyone said "well, you should just diet and exercise," I'd say good naturedly, "Well, talk to my doctor. You want his number?"

If anyone said that to me, I probably could not resist the urge to snap at them, saying something like, "Really? Just diet and exercise. Thank you! I've never heard that before. Not ever."

At this point, really, I don't have patience for ignorant comments.