Binging Banded

[marys 2]

Well i made it almost two years without ever eating the junk some folks talk about going down easy - maybe have had a few Cookies, a few small bags of chips but have really followed those old bandster rules pretty much to the letter -

yesterday had a meltdown/depression (too long to go into here) coupled with horrible pms (i started the day with a blob of ketchup with salt in it - soooo sad) and just a feeling of giving up - why the hell am i doing everything right and basically the only banded person in the world still fat and not losing -suffice it to say at an all time low

well i learned how to binge with the band and i wont share cuz i'm sure you can imagine - had more then my fill all day of sweets and salt and fell right back into my old pattern of eating to soothe myself.

i hope i can stop - i feel like i crossed some line of just giving up. i have been there before but always pull myself back up out of this band despair but it was always without that reminder of how much food helps me.

it also felt good to eat and eat - you see what i mean??? i feel broken and unfixable right now.

[areellady 1]

Awe sweetie....You are a great person and you need to love yourself!! Give yourself a BIG hug and let you love you!!!! You are special. Deanna

[LapBandit 5]

It happens. We all have our moments...especially when PMS kicks in!!! So PLEASE do not beat yourself up about this. Just move on and get back on track. You are not broken...you are hormonal. Trust me...I have terrible PMS problems and I know how depressed and down it can make you feel. It's terrible. So, just try to relax and get through it and hopefully you'll feel different in another day or two. Hang in there!

[marys 2]

Thank you both for your support - I was able to pull it together a little more today (not great but not as out of control) I think it will be better tomorrow -

[waterlily1072 5]

I have so been there. I actually had a day of overindulging myself today. Was just feeling depressed and a friend came over with my favorite vice, tortilla chips and cheese dip. Thank goodness I can't eat like I could before banding but still it wasn't a pretty picture. Tomorrow is another day and I will pick myself up and get back on track. You can do this, I have faith in you

[marys 2]

thanks molly - i'll be thinking of you tomorrow -let's both try to get back on track. I'm shocked at what i got in me these past two days and will eat healthy tomorrow. good luck to you too and i hope you feel better about whatever you were depressed about.

[Sue in Russia 0]

I read your posts all the time, and even though i know you are struggling you ALWAYS seem to give such sweet and loving advice to others. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are stronger than you know. Put down those Cookies, today is another day!!

[marys 2]

Sue FROM RUSSIA - how cool is that living there and for 10 years!!! I just got up -having my coffee and 'deciding' on how to get my head together and I saw your post! What timing you have. You have pushed me over the edge to get my butt in gear. I still feel a little shaky but I can do it.

Although it works for others I have been eating under/up to 600 calories a day almost since my last fill (and I have lost a few pounds) but I just don't feel like it is enough for me. I think part of what happened over the weekend (PMS being #1) but it was like my old days super dieting - when you go off you explode into food. I am going to eat a little more - i think it is better for me.

thanks for the support and kick to get going again. mary

[tann 2]

Mary have you only lost 14 pounds since being banded in 11/05? Or you just have not updated your signature? But if that is true what does your doctor have to say about your weightloss, is there some other medical reason for the lack of weightloss?

[marys 2]

Hi Tann

My ticker is right - hence my ongoing depression, frustration, absolute at my wits end .....I can't go into it all again because my story is all over this site but I have tried everything and my doc doesn't have much more to say - i've been unfilled to try to eat more, i've eaten calories between 600 and 1500 and have years of food diaries, i exercise strenuously although now at 600 calories i don't do much as i have no energy. my latest is considering a natural hormone doc (1000), or an endocrinologis (i had my thyroid tested and it's smack in the middle normal 2.0) but I'm holding off on the endocrinologist until i move middle of the year and have insurance again.

The band has helped me not yo yo up as i used to do about a 50lb gain/loss a year but other then that I am more insane and crazy feeling like what the hell is wrong with me - is there anyone that can help me. I don't think so - it is lonely lonely lonely.

[Paula78 0]

Ok just remember that what happened yesterday was yesterday! Shit happens there are going to be set backs but you really can't kick yourself for what happened. Its a new day. Go for a walk or do something good for yourself. As far as the weight loss goes have you talked to your doctor? Im sure you have. Im still new to this band but ive heard a lot of ppl say that keeping a food journal has helped to evaluate whats going wrong. Maybe you could take that into the doctor.

I hope you are feeling better today, and just remember we're all here for you!!

Take Care,

Paula:)

[tann 2]

Dang, Mary I feel soo bad for you:think I will pray that your weightloss start to move for you.

Paula from what she just posted she has been keeping a food journal for years and has talked with her doctor.

[Paula78 0]

tann~

I guess i didnt see that, sorry! Just trying to be helpfull!

[marys 2]

Hey Tann & Paula

NO WORRIES I always appreciate any/all advice. Paula thank you for thinking of me. Yes, I have about 16 months of food diaries although the last few months have been sporadic - kind of gave up on it so should be doing it.

I will figure out what is wrong with me one day and I will post my whole story so it might help someone else.

Thanks again for caring - i am much better today. i ate two egg whites for Breakfast with not the healthiest luncheon meat (about 90 calories for 2 oz) and I'm waiting 1 hour before drinking - back to the basics.

i may actualy need another fill since i got that much Breakfast down...

hugs to you both! mary

[Kat817 19]

See you have strong reserves of will hidden away!!! It was that PMS blocking the view!!! Seriously tho, I think you are right on the money with the thought of the binge being caused by the severe dieting. I am just the same. Tell me I cannot have something and I fixate on it! It is not just my eating---everything strikes me that way!! I am fine staying home, until my car is in the shop---then by golly I NEED to GO!!!!!

I know you have issues with the losing weight. I truly think the endocrinologist is going to be the big help---I hope your insurance picks it up so you can find out what is standing in your way. I know you are abiding by bandster rules way more often than not, and you exercise religiously. I am glad you have found a way to pull yourself together from this meltdown. I don't have nearly the challenge you do with being banded and still find myself jumping off the bandwagon on occasion. Hang in there---we are here pulling for you to find out what is going on. We will be here to help you through the emotional upheaval all this is bringing on you. You are always there for everyone else! Give yourself some of the understanding you always give to us!!!

(((hugs)))

Kat